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Post by tamara68 on Nov 25, 2017 9:23:07 GMT -5
rhapsodee I understand, it is hard to say goodbye. Especially when you have been starved for a long time before you found this man to feel connected with. He did enrich your life for a while, that is something to cherish as a good experience.
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Post by WindSister on Nov 28, 2017 11:02:07 GMT -5
In most of our cases, Door #1 at least holds some adventure -- even if it is a bad one. But most of us here are more resourceful than the average bears. It seems to me that many (most?) of the folks here have made really great adventures out of the "Stuff" behind Door #1. I keep reading about folks "Trading Up" ( elkclan2 ), finding ridiculously awesome, supportive, attractive, fun, adventuresome, friends/spouses ( WindSister and westsider ), or just reveling in the total debauchery that alluded them before or during their marriages. First of all, rhapsodee - sorry for the friendship that has ended and your sadness. That is hard. Sounds like you can hold on to the memory and "be glad that it happened." That is something, at least. Although, I know it doesn't take away the hurt of the fact it is ending. I just wanted to comment to Creel because I was tagged.... I know I am quite passionate with my stories about my "post SM" life. I promise, though, it has not been without hurt, doubt, loneliness, etc. I think I should put a disclaimer in the beginning of all my posts that points out what my SM marriage was like so others get a frame of reference. My SM was DEAD, DEAD, DEAD. Others may feel stuck or doubtful about ending their marriages because they have glimmers of life and love in their relationships. I didn't have that. My ex and I were wrong right from the start and we both settled right from the start. So our foundation didn't crumble, we didn't have a foundation to begin with. But, keep in mind, I came to EP ILIASM with the same song and dance as others, "It's all great except the sex." That changed when I really started to dig thanks to folks challenging me. I guess I am happy mine was so dead, for in the end, that made it easier for us each to walk away and now we are both happier for it. I lived over a decade in that dead relationship (and I have to add, it is amazing to me that I went a decade with out sex now as I look back because now it's unimaginable to me). Anyway, so it's no wonder when I got out, LIFE, LOVE, SEX was SOOOO AMAZING to me. Still is, to be honest. For some reason I was "okay" in that dead, gray world for all those years, but now I know I would never go back or never allow that kind of life for myself. Life isn't a fairytale, it's not all rainbows, there are some downtimes, some boring times, some hard times, some lonely times (even in a happy relationship). But I just focus on and love, and never take for granted, the truly great stuff - things that might not be so great to others. Waking up next to a man I feel comfortable cuddling because he will take me in his arms and kiss my forehead, for instance, is an amazing, great big deal to me. I won't let myself forget that or take it for granted. I remember waking up in my other life next to a man I felt I couldn't touch. That sucked. Won't do that again. I remember the great things I love and let other things go that can damage it for me/us. If something can't be swept away or ignored, (actually, a lot of things can, I have learned, when you learn to truly love someone for who they are and not need to change them) I address it head-on in a loving way with intention to heal our relationship, not hurt it. My husband is the same way in how he approaches me. Anyway -- I don't know my point, just that I feel bad sometimes making others feel bad when I share my experiences, but I can't lie. Getting out has been THE BEST decision I ever made for myself and for my ex. We are BOTH way better off for it. The pain, all of it, was worth it. And I will never apologize for my highly sexed up years right after my divorce, either. I don't need that lifestyle now (at all) and it got old towards the end (lonely) but those are the memories that cause an old lady to smirk in her rocking chair someday. Not saying everyone needs to experience such debauchery, but I am also saying there needn't be shame in it, either. I am saying sex is okay. It's good. Let's not let the virtual world completely kill it -gosh, I am glad I am not a young person now with our weird society! Anyway. Just had to share some thoughts. Sorry, Rhapsodee for the tangent. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2017 12:11:21 GMT -5
In most of our cases, Door #1 at least holds some adventure -- even if it is a bad one. But most of us here are more resourceful than the average bears. It seems to me that many (most?) of the folks here have made really great adventures out of the "Stuff" behind Door #1. I keep reading about folks "Trading Up" ( elkclan2 ), finding ridiculously awesome, supportive, attractive, fun, adventuresome, friends/spouses ( WindSister and westsider ), or just reveling in the total debauchery that alluded them before or during their marriages. But I just focus on and love, and never take for granted, the truly great stuff - things that might not be so great to others. Waking up next to a man I feel comfortable cuddling because he will take me in his arms and kiss my forehead, for instance, is an amazing, great big deal to me. I won't let myself forget that or take it for granted. I remember waking up in my other life next to a man I felt I couldn't touch. This sums up the point I keep thinking of. I'm not going to engage in death anymore. Life -- even the simplest pieces of it -- is so much better. Bad is not good enough! I know this intuitively even though I haven't even experienced it. But under no circumstance will I allow myself to take some one that loves me for granted. I know what indifference and even hatred feel like, and I'm committed to nurturing love. |
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Post by twotimesone on Dec 8, 2017 6:46:52 GMT -5
I told him he wasn’t my type. He asked to meet me for lunch anyway, we can just be friends. I asked him if he really wanted to get stuck in the “friend zone”. He laughed and said it was ok with him. He really wasn’t my type, but at that first meeting, we sat outside at a cafe and talked for nearly three hours. We were both raised catholic and attended catholic schools. Other than that, our pasts and experiences were completely opposite. He is an immigrant. I am a Texan who transplanted to California. I was allowed to run free with the neighborhood gang, he was controlled and restricted. My parents expressed no expectations, his entire family had high expectations. His life was planned out by his family, I flew by the seat of my pants with no guidance. Somehow we ended up in the same place. I liked his careful grooming, his nice shirts, his clean car, his clean fingernails, his smile, his humor, his intelligence, his good manners. I looked forward to seeing him again. For nearly three months we would meet every couple of weeks and talk and enjoy each other’s company. Then, he kissed me. It was completely unexpected and nice. Very nice. I wanted to kiss him more. He whispered to me, “Do you remember what you asked me? Are we still in the friend zone?” I laughed and told him “No, not any more.” We continued to meet for lunch with hugs and kisses afterward and started to talk about carrying the friendship to the next level. I was happy. Then he was gone. He broke our last lunch date, telling me he needed to think about what he was doing with me. His family was most important and he wasn’t willing to risk being discovered and losing all he had. He said all the nice complimentary things, said goodbye and wished me the best. Do I believe his reason for ending the friendship?Does it really matter? It’s over. On the positive side, I had met someone special and learned things about his home country that I would never had known. I was inspired to check books out of the library to learn more. I’ll continue to read and learn. He enriched my life and I value the memories and experience of our short friendship. I miss him. You know, reminds me of an old flame and then we had became friends. I had lunch with recently a few months back and I wanted to re-ignite. Somehow I got the vibe that she wasn't interested so I didn't bother to ask her to lunch anymore. What I don't understand is that you initially told her that he wasn't your type and after he kissed you, you didn't say that anymore. I dunno, I can't figure it out what is in women's mind's. No big loss though, I have alternative plans with other women anyways. |
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Post by wom360 on Dec 8, 2017 10:02:08 GMT -5
He probably found someone to have sex with. I mean, kisses are nice but it’s not nearly on par. Maybe he held on as long as he could. I highly doubt he stopped for his family. Being sexless doesn’t stop sucking when you get a case of the guilts.
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