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Post by WindSister on Oct 24, 2017 9:33:13 GMT -5
Thanks for the comments, everyone. Sorry for my whine-fest.
I guess the point of my post was just that - life is life regardless of relationship status. I guess sometimes I want to be careful about trying to sell a fairy tale with my happiness and I am trying to keep things real, too.
We needed last night. We cuddled on the couch watching our guilty pleasure show, Supernatural. When we got to bed he started to get playful and initiate but then had a coughing fit (horrible one) and we ended up laughing and losing the mood. We snuggled and tried not to breathe cough syrup breath in each other's faces. It's been three weeks (thus part of my blah-ness, I can't help it!!!!) but I do know us and I know we will reunite soon so I don't have to freak out. (just an old pattern/fear/ptsd of mine, I guess!!).
We are a team, though, and for that I am forever grateful. We finally had a moment to talk about the visit from his daughters and he brought up things that were on my mind. 1. His youngest being cold and weird with me. 2. His youngest actually questioning insurance money and him leaving everything to me. 3. The upcoming holidays and how we don't want to just bend over backwards for everyone else without some time for us. He loves his daughters, but he doesn't let them rule dad and I love him SOOOO Much for that, because they do try. They are good kids, they are, but they are women, and more specifically, their mother's daughters and there just IS some game playing going on there. I knew I wasn't crazy. I keep my opinion to myself with him, though, when it comes to his girls -- he comes to his own conclusions because he's a fair man. (this place is the most I ever let my opinion out when it comes to them). I was just kinda glad he saw things and validated that with me. He has never let me down in that area. Still amazes me how much he has my back. For the record, when I am wrong, he tells me as much, too. There was that one time he said, "hey, you gotta let this go." I did.
Anyway, I am just rambling. I'll stop.
We choose our battles. We choose our struggles. Life is in the living of it all and hopefully we can find joys along the way.
Take care.
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Post by hopingforachange on Oct 24, 2017 10:21:41 GMT -5
We can all understand freaking over the risk of SM happening to us again.
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 24, 2017 21:55:00 GMT -5
2. His youngest actually questioning insurance money and him leaving everything to me. This attitude annoys me greatly. 1) None of her business. Making this info public fuels conflict that wouldn't have existed if she was kept in the dark. (E.g., this is almost certainly why she was acting cold and weird toward you.) 2) Entitled much? It's not her money. It never was. Before the divorce it wouldn't have gone to her, and after the divorce it still isn't. 3) It smacks of profiteering and seeing someone as a payday, not a relative. </rant> |
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 24, 2017 22:00:12 GMT -5
I know one of my bucket lists things if I ever get out, is to time the Ball drop. You just want to claim bragging rights for giving an orgasm that "lasted into the next year"... |
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Post by hopingforachange on Oct 24, 2017 23:42:05 GMT -5
I know one of my bucket lists things if I ever get out, is to time the Ball drop. You just want to claim bragging rights for giving an orgasm that "lasted into the next year"... If your have the tv turned up it would be like all of NYC clapping and cheering you on. Talk and a confidence boost. |
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Post by WindSister on Oct 25, 2017 8:14:53 GMT -5
2. His youngest actually questioning insurance money and him leaving everything to me. This attitude annoys me greatly. 1) None of her business. Making this info public fuels conflict that wouldn't have existed if she was kept in the dark. (E.g., this is almost certainly why she was acting cold and weird toward you.) 2) Entitled much? It's not her money. It never was. Before the divorce it wouldn't have gone to her, and after the divorce it still isn't. 3) It smacks of profiteering and seeing someone as a payday, not a relative. </rant> Agree on all three points. I don't think it was "planned" to let that info slip, my husband was just talking generally about insurance and such with his eldest because she has absolutely none of anything. He was pointing out that he's always had insurance, especially when the girls were little, but kept it now just because he's had it so long. She did ask who she makes the beneficiary - her husband -- and he used us as an example. When he got divorced he told them it was all to them just incase something happened, I suppose, and now they are realizing it's not anymore. The one daughter honestly doesn't care, she said, "Dad, just spend your money while you are alive." The other one (the youngest) gets funny about stuff. So, yes, it was weird little moment and I was bummed it was brought up at all. One of those things I couldn't really get in the middle of and just wished they would change the subject, which they did soon enough. But even before this conversation she was just "off" with me. Who knows what I did or said to set her off? Sometimes it's like walking on egg shells with her. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 25, 2017 9:51:18 GMT -5
2. His youngest actually questioning insurance money and him leaving everything to me. This attitude annoys me greatly. 1) None of her business. Making this info public fuels conflict that wouldn't have existed if she was kept in the dark. (E.g., this is almost certainly why she was acting cold and weird toward you.) 2) Entitled much? It's not her money. It never was. Before the divorce it wouldn't have gone to her, and after the divorce it still isn't. 3) It smacks of profiteering and seeing someone as a payday, not a relative. </rant> Hmmmm,....I am conflicted on this. My Dad(yrs. ago) ask me the same questions. If he married the woman he was seeing how would I feel about him making her the recipient of the estate when he died. My response..."that's your money and your stuff dad, I didn't earn or contribute a penny to it. Do with it what you will". Now my siblings had a totally different take, especially my sister. They were quite upset. To some degree I can see the younger daughters argument. Not knowing her age it may seem quite unfair to her that she is being disinherited and the money going to a relatively new beneficiary. What about the rest of the estate? What provision has he made for his children as regards the house, vehicles, financial instruments, other property he has acquired? Certainly the assets he acquired are his to dispose of as he sees fit, but if I were you two I would set about to make the distribution of the estate as equitable for all parties as I could. Keep in mind if the daughter feels aggrieved she would be well within her legal rights to sue to have the provisions of the policy set aside. |
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Post by WindSister on Oct 25, 2017 10:15:14 GMT -5
This attitude annoys me greatly. 1) None of her business. Making this info public fuels conflict that wouldn't have existed if she was kept in the dark. (E.g., this is almost certainly why she was acting cold and weird toward you.) 2) Entitled much? It's not her money. It never was. Before the divorce it wouldn't have gone to her, and after the divorce it still isn't. 3) It smacks of profiteering and seeing someone as a payday, not a relative. </rant> Hmmmm,....I am conflicted on this. My Dad(yrs. ago) ask me the same questions. If he married the woman he was seeing how would I feel about him making her the recipient of the estate when he died. My response..."that's your money and your stuff dad, I didn't earn or contribute a penny to it. Do with it what you will". Now my siblings had a totally different take, especially my sister. They were quite upset. To some degree I can see the younger daughters argument. Not knowing her age it may seem quite unfair to her that she is being disinherited and the money going to a relatively new beneficiary. What about the rest of the estate? What provision has he made for his children as regards the house, vehicles, financial instruments, other property he has acquired? Certainly the assets he acquired are his to dispose of as he sees fit, but if I were you two I would set about to make the distribution of the estate as equitable for all parties as I could. Keep in mind if the daughter feels aggrieved she would be well within her legal rights to sue to have the provisions of the policy set aside. Yes, he has things set aside for both daughters, written and documented. He didn't tell them details, but told them he did. That's when his eldest was like, "Dad, just spend it all!" But, yes, the youngest is VERY interested in the details. It's not like he has much to 'leave behind' in all honesty. (Nor do I). Plus, I don't get that thinking. When my dad died, we went through the house, my brother grabbing this and that. I just took his mail gloves (that he wore for delivery, not sure why I grabbed those, but I did and my dog loved those gloves even years after he passed because his scent was on them and my dog loved my dad) and his binoculars because his happy place was sitting on the deck, looking through them at boats/birds on the lake. Oh, his knife that he carved his initials in as a boy I have too (for camping). My brother got the boats, snowmobiles, guns, etc..... and I didn't argue, because I just didn't freaking care about that stuff. He "made his money" but he has icky karma (his last words with my dad were of anger). I sleep good at night. The girls won't have much to sue for if they did go that route. And one can argue who is actually THERE for dad more..... the daughters he sees maybe once a quarter for this or that? Or his wife, there day in and day out......... I don't get that kind of petty thinking on kids parts, honestly. I would never want to keep something from them that was meaningful to them, FYI. And I advocated for my husband to leave them something, too. |
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Post by WindSister on Oct 25, 2017 10:18:45 GMT -5
But, things get messy then ------sorry, off topic now. My husband's mom has her wedding ring from her second husband. She was married to him 20 years, he died of cancer. One of his kids (who were adults when they got married) is actually ASKING her for HER WEDDING RING!!! Oh, does this get my husband hot. It has no ties to the family, he bought it specifically for her. What kid would ask for that? She wrote this long letter on why she deserves it. He died 15 years ago and she is just now pursuing this. Cold. Petty.
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Post by WindSister on Oct 25, 2017 10:30:06 GMT -5
Besides, I sure as heck didn't marry the guy for insurance or estates. If family history says anything, I will die long before him. My family? We don't make it to our 70s, but his, they live well into their 90s. I am the one who needs good insurance for HIM.
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Post by WindSister on Oct 26, 2017 13:35:56 GMT -5
After last night, life is not blah anymore. Just thought I would share after greatcoastal talked about how marrying into another SM would be a trade down (and it would be, for sure!!). I think it's a fear we all have (please don't let that happen again!!). I am not ashamed to say that even in this relationship there are moments of "sexlessness" -- three weeks went fast, we were both working 12-18 hour days plus weekends for me, his kids were here and I got sick the same day they came and then was sick (really bad) all last week. My husband was sick, too. I am sharing this because life isn't a fairy tale and I think we have to keep real and talking/sharing helps us do that, I think. The primary difference between this marriage and the marriage with my ex is my husband now CARES. HE wants sex, too. HE was frustrated, too. Last night when we got home from our little mid-week date night of beer and wings, he ravaged me and said we can't wait three weeks again. Did my ex ever once do that in our 15 years together? NOPE. But life still happens -- sometimes. Those three weeks scared me and I think times like that always will, but I hope eventually I ease up with that fear of sexlessness happening again. I didn't place pressure on us because the fact is I didn't want sex when I was coughing/sick either. I felt gross and untouchable. Now I am me again and he is he again and all is right with the world. Sometimes life is awesome, sometimes it's just... "eh." Ebb and flow. At the end of the day, I am super grateful. This man loves me and he proves it through action and words every day. Never ever will I take that for granted. Three weeks without sex does not make/break a couple. It doesn't mean the love is dead. We didn't let it go into months, years. I don't see us doing that ever, honestly. (not with how he went after me last night, again, something my ex never did). Just keepin' it real....  |
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 26, 2017 13:44:31 GMT -5
After last night, life is not blah anymore. Just thought I would share after greatcoastal talked about how marrying into another SM would be a trade down (and it would be, for sure!!). I think it's a fear we all have (please don't let that happen again!!). I am not ashamed to say that even in this relationship there are moments of "sexlessness" -- three weeks went fast, we were both working 12-18 hour days plus weekends for me, his kids were here and I got sick the same day they came and then was sick (really bad) all last week. My husband was sick, too. I am sharing this because life isn't a fairy tale and I think we have to keep real and talking/sharing helps us do that, I think. The primary difference between this marriage and the marriage with my ex is my husband now CARES. HE wants sex, too. HE was frustrated, too. Last night when we got home from our little mid-week date night of beer and wings, he ravaged me and said we can't wait three weeks again. Did my ex ever once do that in our 15 years together? NOPE. But life still happens -- sometimes. Those three weeks scared me and I think times like that always will, but I hope eventually I ease up with that fear of sexlessness happening again. I didn't place pressure on us because the fact is I didn't want sex when I was coughing/sick either. I felt gross and untouchable. Now I am me again and he is he again and all is right with the world. Sometimes life is awesome, sometimes it's just... "eh." Ebb and flow. At the end of the day, I am super grateful. This man loves me and he proves it through action and words every day. Never ever will I take that for granted. Three weeks without sex does not make/break a couple. It doesn't mean the love is dead. We didn't let it go into months, years. I don't see us doing that ever, honestly. (not with how he went after me last night, again, something my ex never did). Just keepin' it real.... Ohh...you two are very fortunate to have each other!! You should show your H this post. Awesome words of affirmation on your part! At least the two of you had/have legitimate excuses. You where both probably having sex with each other in your minds while stuck at work!! Now if this crazy work schedule interferes more and more , I believe the two of you will want to do some career changes! |
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Post by WindSister on Oct 26, 2017 14:07:08 GMT -5
Ohh...you two are very fortunate to have each other!! You should show your H this post. Awesome words of affirmation on your part! At least the two of you had/have legitimate excuses. You where both probably having sex with each other in your minds while stuck at work!! Now if this crazy work schedule interferes more and more , I believe the two of you will want to do some career changes! Oh, we exchanged our words of affirmation in our daily "pre work" texts (we each drive a half hour to work and usually share a text before we each start the day). It definitely helps (sex) with the day-to-day crap we have to deal with. It's hard to put into words why that is, but it just does help. And it definitely reignites our love and bond. We all know that and many here want that with their partners, but yeah... you have to both want it. Anyway, so life isn't so blah anymore, hopefully next time we hit a dry spell I won't freak out (that is my goal). |
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Post by hopingforachange on Oct 26, 2017 14:36:08 GMT -5
I'm sure little by little, as your cared for, the scars of your SM will become less and less of an issue as you heal. But like scars, you will aways have them. Eventually, you will see the scar, be able to remember what happened but not worry about getting another.
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Post by WindSister on Oct 27, 2017 9:32:26 GMT -5
I'm sure little by little, as your cared for, the scars of your SM will become less and less of an issue as you heal. But like scars, you will aways have them. Eventually, you will see the scar, be able to remember what happened but not worry about getting another. Thanks for the kind words, I was feeling extremely self-conscious for sharing any of this at all and wanted to delete it all but once people comment you can't delete. Also I was picturing people judging me as either bragging or trying to make it like our relationship is perfect or whatever. I actually still struggle with some old stuff. Insecurities when sex isn't all hot and steamy is bothersome and I would like to be freed from that. On my way... time is definitely a helper in the healing. Thanks again, have a great weekend. |
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