Life kind of blah, currently
Oct 23, 2017 13:06:20 GMT -5
GeekGoddess, Isabellas39, and 4 more like this
Post by WindSister on Oct 23, 2017 13:06:20 GMT -5
I am sharing this here because I am "post SM" (and now happily married, getting lots of regular sex - happy with our sex life). BUT.... that doesn't mean life suddenly turns into fairies and unicorns. No, it's still life. And, currently, our life is just blah.
If there is something to "blame" I suppose I could blame work for both of us. Mine went to hell in a hand basket after our awesome week long vacation the end of September. Suddenly I am working 10-18 hour days, plus some Saturdays, to cover staffing shortage, keep up with my own deadlines and paperwork plus take on direct care. I am burnt out and I don't see an end in sight because my company is not competitive in the job market and they won't freaking listen to us (RAISE the WAGES!!!). So, quality goes down, down, down. I am close to resigning myself, honestly. Screw all this responsibility, I could work at Aldi's ringing up groceries with a happy smile on my face and earn almost as much.
My husband is also a supervisor, thus, burnt out from staff babysitting, shortages, responsibility.
This past week we were both sick with stomach flu on Monday (it was HORRID), and now colds all the rest of the week. As I type this I am still fighting an ear infection in my left ear, and thus, deaf in it, mostly. That all started from his kids who stayed with us last weekend (and the grandkids and the dogs so 8 extra human bodies in our house plus 2 stinky furry ones). It was a whirlwind visit and usually I love those visits but his youngest daughter who just had a baby was weird with me. Don't know if it's motherhood and some weird guilt pull she feels to her own mom that she thinks she has to shut me out now, or what, but I felt like a stranger in my own home while they were here, walking on eggshells with her and I was VERY GLAD when they all packed up and left. If I can be honest, though, it does often feel that way -- they aren't my daughters, I am not their mother. When they come and take over the house even my husband changes a bit and I don't fully recognize him and I love when it's just he and I again. Maybe kids feel this somehow even though I am not trying to feel the way I do -- it's why there is always a little "something" between stepmoms and stepkids.
Anyway --
Now we are looking down the barrel of HOLIDAYS and all the hub-bub that entails and trying to please everyone. I get tired thinking about it. I mostly stay out of the planning phase he and his daughters embark on because, well, I feel I should stay out of it. It's their dad, I don't want to interfere. But man, they won't LAND on a PLAN. I guess we are doing Thanksgiving, though. After the visit we had last weekend, I don't know how much I am looking forward to Thanksgiving, but I will slap a smile on and roll with it like I always do. I love the grandkids, but their parents are clearly not "my people" if that makes sense. They don't get me. I find myself explaining even jokes, etc. It's just one of those things that will always be I suppose. It's a lot of work to make the house ready for everyone and I know parents do it out of love, without expecting a thanks but I always thank my mom for such things. Maybe we are weird that way. His daughters don't say thanks, don't help with dishes, etc. In my world, you help with dishes. Just one of those things that adds up. So I am working the entire time they are here, no wonder I sigh relief as they pull away.
I don't know the purpose of this......... I suppose to say I feel like I am drowning and I don't know why. I need something. I need something good. So I guess I need to do something for myself again -- exercise, photography (creativity always cures), something. I don't want us to be just blah.......... focused on work, work, work, pleasing everyone else. I know not feeling well has a lot to do with things, we are both coughing and just run down. I think tonight calls for cuddling on the couch watching some old Supernatural episodes. I will have to embrace that and feel gratitude we get to do that together. I am not working late tonight. Calling my husband.
Thanks for listening. Just sharing a dose of reality that even in "oppositeland" life is still life.
If there is something to "blame" I suppose I could blame work for both of us. Mine went to hell in a hand basket after our awesome week long vacation the end of September. Suddenly I am working 10-18 hour days, plus some Saturdays, to cover staffing shortage, keep up with my own deadlines and paperwork plus take on direct care. I am burnt out and I don't see an end in sight because my company is not competitive in the job market and they won't freaking listen to us (RAISE the WAGES!!!). So, quality goes down, down, down. I am close to resigning myself, honestly. Screw all this responsibility, I could work at Aldi's ringing up groceries with a happy smile on my face and earn almost as much.
My husband is also a supervisor, thus, burnt out from staff babysitting, shortages, responsibility.
This past week we were both sick with stomach flu on Monday (it was HORRID), and now colds all the rest of the week. As I type this I am still fighting an ear infection in my left ear, and thus, deaf in it, mostly. That all started from his kids who stayed with us last weekend (and the grandkids and the dogs so 8 extra human bodies in our house plus 2 stinky furry ones). It was a whirlwind visit and usually I love those visits but his youngest daughter who just had a baby was weird with me. Don't know if it's motherhood and some weird guilt pull she feels to her own mom that she thinks she has to shut me out now, or what, but I felt like a stranger in my own home while they were here, walking on eggshells with her and I was VERY GLAD when they all packed up and left. If I can be honest, though, it does often feel that way -- they aren't my daughters, I am not their mother. When they come and take over the house even my husband changes a bit and I don't fully recognize him and I love when it's just he and I again. Maybe kids feel this somehow even though I am not trying to feel the way I do -- it's why there is always a little "something" between stepmoms and stepkids.
Anyway --
Now we are looking down the barrel of HOLIDAYS and all the hub-bub that entails and trying to please everyone. I get tired thinking about it. I mostly stay out of the planning phase he and his daughters embark on because, well, I feel I should stay out of it. It's their dad, I don't want to interfere. But man, they won't LAND on a PLAN. I guess we are doing Thanksgiving, though. After the visit we had last weekend, I don't know how much I am looking forward to Thanksgiving, but I will slap a smile on and roll with it like I always do. I love the grandkids, but their parents are clearly not "my people" if that makes sense. They don't get me. I find myself explaining even jokes, etc. It's just one of those things that will always be I suppose. It's a lot of work to make the house ready for everyone and I know parents do it out of love, without expecting a thanks but I always thank my mom for such things. Maybe we are weird that way. His daughters don't say thanks, don't help with dishes, etc. In my world, you help with dishes. Just one of those things that adds up. So I am working the entire time they are here, no wonder I sigh relief as they pull away.
I don't know the purpose of this......... I suppose to say I feel like I am drowning and I don't know why. I need something. I need something good. So I guess I need to do something for myself again -- exercise, photography (creativity always cures), something. I don't want us to be just blah.......... focused on work, work, work, pleasing everyone else. I know not feeling well has a lot to do with things, we are both coughing and just run down. I think tonight calls for cuddling on the couch watching some old Supernatural episodes. I will have to embrace that and feel gratitude we get to do that together. I am not working late tonight. Calling my husband.
Thanks for listening. Just sharing a dose of reality that even in "oppositeland" life is still life.
