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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2017 21:12:15 GMT -5
Caris, You mention wanting to be "Gotten". For someone to "Get" you. How about that? That's it, isn't it. Someone that understands and cares uniquely for you. But even more, someone you Appreciate caring uniquely for you. Maybe someone YOU "Get" too! In your case, someone that "Get's" you will have to be of special character. That character is in short supply these days. Now you've got me wondering.
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Post by Caris on Nov 1, 2017 21:16:08 GMT -5
Caris, You mention wanting to be "Gotten". For someone to "Get" you. How about that? That's it, isn't it. Someone that understands and cares uniquely for you. But even more, someone you Appreciate caring uniquely for you. Maybe someone YOU "Get" too! In your case, someone that "Get's" you will have to be of special character. That character is in short supply these days. Now you've got me wondering. Creel, it would have to be a mutual “get you,” yes. So what has it got you wondering, and how are things with you? |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2017 21:58:12 GMT -5
Caris , You mention wanting to be "Gotten". For someone to "Get" you. How about that? That's it, isn't it. Someone that understands and cares uniquely for you. But even more, someone you Appreciate caring uniquely for you. Maybe someone YOU "Get" too! In your case, someone that "Get's" you will have to be of special character. That character is in short supply these days. Now you've got me wondering. Creel, it would have to be a mutual “get you,” yes. So what has it got you wondering, and how are things with you? Being gotten is a big deal. To "Get" someone means you have to think and care outside yourself. But that's probably only possible after you "Get" yourself. That's Self-Awareness. And that's rare. I'm working on the whole "Self-Awareness" thing, and it's painful. I'm seeing why I avoided it for so long and why most folks avoid it forever. But once you get to such a healthy place, it's probably only "Fun" (Valuable) if you find someone else that's done the same work and is capable of "Getting" someone else. But even perfectly healthy folks have to share your "Cultural" characteristics and probably a spectrum of other stuff to get and be gotten by you. What are the chances? I'm counting on a God to manage this, because random processes don't seem capable of solving the problem. How are things with me? I think they're OK. They seem much better. I'm to the point in the divorce where we try to make deals regarding parenting time and money. The parenting time seems to go in favor of the mother. I understand this, but it's not making me happy. The money will also be skewed somewhat toward the mother as well. And I understand this also. My wife has continued/escalated her monkey business. But I'm used to it and it's not affecting me so much. I'm told in my men's group that this is normal. The finality is becoming real and she's panicked. She won't let me comfort her, and she seems incapable of moving forward on her own. She still hasn't gotten a job. And what she gets from me won't likely keep her in the lifestyle she would prefer for long. I'm a little concerned for her, but there's not much I can do about this. I'm healthy. I have good support and counsel. Business is good. Many old friends have encouraged me and have me to their homes, etc. regularly (I'm careful not to wear out my welcome, but to the ONE, they keep urging me to trouble them). My brother and sister are supportive. I'm getting back in touch with my sister, and that feels good. I'm making new friends. I'm doing new things -- some of which I've been considering for 30 years or more. I have plans -- half-baked bad ones, but they can be refined. I'm engaged (as in deliberately doing stuff -- not to be married!!!). I'm not self-medicating (which seems to be pretty common from what I hear). I'm learning new things. I'm pretty sure I'm getting healthy -- healthier -- through counseling and support groups. This counseling and support groups is something the "Well Adjusted" Creel would have dismissed. But the "Open-Minded" Creel seems to enjoy them. Maybe too much. I'm eating pretty well -- probably better than I ever have. And I'll be learning to eat even better as soon as I can control the pantry. My sister is a funny case study. This has really made her year. When I called and told her (I didn't do so for over two months because I just didn't know what to say) she wrecked her truck. "Creel, I hit a curb. Can I call you back?" I can't tell if she's happy for me, Gloating because the "Mighty Have Fallen", Gloating because she hated my wife, or Gloating because she "Knew" it. It doesn't matter. She's calling me regularly and wanting to hear stuff -- Anything. It feels like my kids are doing ok. I'm doing better, so maybe that's a big part of it. Thanks for asking. |
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Post by Caris on Nov 2, 2017 7:39:58 GMT -5
Creel, it would have to be a mutual “get you,” yes. So what has it got you wondering, and how are things with you? Being gotten is a big deal. To "Get" someone means you have to think and care outside yourself. But that's probably only possible after you "Get" yourself. That's Self-Awareness. And that's rare. I'm working on the whole "Self-Awareness" thing, and it's painful. I'm seeing why I avoided it for so long and why most folks avoid it forever. But once you get to such a healthy place, it's probably only "Fun" (Valuable) if you find someone else that's done the same work and is capable of "Getting" someone else. But even perfectly healthy folks have to share your "Cultural" characteristics and probably a spectrum of other stuff to get and be gotten by you. What are the chances? I'm counting on a God to manage this, because random processes don't seem capable of solving the problem. How are things with me? I think they're OK. They seem much better. I'm to the point in the divorce where we try to make deals regarding parenting time and money. The parenting time seems to go in favor of the mother. I understand this, but it's not making me happy. The money will also be skewed somewhat toward the mother as well. And I understand this also. My wife has continued/escalated her monkey business. But I'm used to it and it's not affecting me so much. I'm told in my men's group that this is normal. The finality is becoming real and she's panicked. She won't let me comfort her, and she seems incapable of moving forward on her own. She still hasn't gotten a job. And what she gets from me won't likely keep her in the lifestyle she would prefer for long. I'm a little concerned for her, but there's not much I can do about this. I'm healthy. I have good support and counsel. Business is good. Many old friends have encouraged me and have me to their homes, etc. regularly (I'm careful not to wear out my welcome, but to the ONE, they keep urging me to trouble them). My brother and sister are supportive. I'm getting back in touch with my sister, and that feels good. I'm making new friends. I'm doing new things -- some of which I've been considering for 30 years or more. I have plans -- half-baked bad ones, but they can be refined. I'm engaged (as in deliberately doing stuff -- not to be married!!!). I'm not self-medicating (which seems to be pretty common from what I hear). I'm learning new things. I'm pretty sure I'm getting healthy -- healthier -- through counseling and support groups. This counseling and support groups is something the "Well Adjusted" Creel would have dismissed. But the "Open-Minded" Creel seems to enjoy them. Maybe too much. I'm eating pretty well -- probably better than I ever have. And I'll be learning to eat even better as soon as I can control the pantry. My sister is a funny case study. This has really made her year. When I called and told her (I didn't do so for over two months because I just didn't know what to say) she wrecked her truck. "Creel, I hit a curb. Can I call you back?" I can't tell if she's happy for me, Gloating because the "Mighty Have Fallen", Gloating because she hated my wife, or Gloating because she "Knew" it. It doesn't matter. She's calling me regularly and wanting to hear stuff -- Anything. It feels like my kids are doing ok. I'm doing better, so maybe that's a big part of it. Thanks for asking. Wow, Creel! It seems like you have really got yourself together. I’m nowhere near this together after 2.5 years post SM, but then I have no support system. I only have myself for support and encouragement, and frankly, I’m out of energy, but it’s good to see you doing so well, even though I know it’s hard for you. It says a lot about you that you still want to comfort your wife. You are a caring person who is already self aware. You are going to be okay. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2017 9:09:31 GMT -5
Wow, Creel! It seems like you have really got yourself together. I’m nowhere near this together after 2.5 years post SM, but then I have no support system. I only have myself for support and encouragement, and frankly, I’m out of energy, but it’s good to see you doing so well, even though I know it’s hard for you. It says a lot about you that you still want to comfort your wife. You are a caring person who is already self aware. You are going to be okay. Caris, I haven't gotten myself together. Seriously. It's the support structure. The truth is I've been a mess so many times I'd prefer not to mention it. But when I get like that, there's always a loving friend to explain the situation to me rationally, tell me to buck up, or just listen and empathize. For the most part, I've had to buck up. There's no short cutting this. I also got lucky that over the year heading up to this, a friend has been working with me on a bunch of self-awareness and mental, physical, and spiritual health stuff. Including deliberate engagement in building the social circle. I'm fortunate I listened. Listening hasn't been my long suit. But I'm listening now. So when all this went down -- and I wasn't really planning for it to happen like this -- I had a repaired and growing social circle in place that seems eager to support me. |
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Post by WindSister on Nov 2, 2017 9:37:55 GMT -5
Creel, it would have to be a mutual “get you,” yes. So what has it got you wondering, and how are things with you? Being gotten is a big deal. To "Get" someone means you have to think and care outside yourself. But that's probably only possible after you "Get" yourself. That's Self-Awareness. And that's rare. I'm working on the whole "Self-Awareness" thing, and it's painful. I'm seeing why I avoided it for so long and why most folks avoid it forever. But once you get to such a healthy place, it's probably only "Fun" (Valuable) if you find someone else that's done the same work and is capable of "Getting" someone else. But even perfectly healthy folks have to share your "Cultural" characteristics and probably a spectrum of other stuff to get and be gotten by you. What are the chances? I'm counting on a God to manage this, because random processes don't seem capable of solving the problem. How are things with me? I think they're OK. They seem much better. I'm to the point in the divorce where we try to make deals regarding parenting time and money. The parenting time seems to go in favor of the mother. I understand this, but it's not making me happy. The money will also be skewed somewhat toward the mother as well. And I understand this also. My wife has continued/escalated her monkey business. But I'm used to it and it's not affecting me so much. I'm told in my men's group that this is normal. The finality is becoming real and she's panicked. She won't let me comfort her, and she seems incapable of moving forward on her own. She still hasn't gotten a job. And what she gets from me won't likely keep her in the lifestyle she would prefer for long. I'm a little concerned for her, but there's not much I can do about this. I'm healthy. I have good support and counsel. Business is good. Many old friends have encouraged me and have me to their homes, etc. regularly (I'm careful not to wear out my welcome, but to the ONE, they keep urging me to trouble them). My brother and sister are supportive. I'm getting back in touch with my sister, and that feels good. I'm making new friends. I'm doing new things -- some of which I've been considering for 30 years or more. I have plans -- half-baked bad ones, but they can be refined. I'm engaged (as in deliberately doing stuff -- not to be married!!!). I'm not self-medicating (which seems to be pretty common from what I hear). I'm learning new things. I'm pretty sure I'm getting healthy -- healthier -- through counseling and support groups. This counseling and support groups is something the "Well Adjusted" Creel would have dismissed. But the "Open-Minded" Creel seems to enjoy them. Maybe too much. I'm eating pretty well -- probably better than I ever have. And I'll be learning to eat even better as soon as I can control the pantry. My sister is a funny case study. This has really made her year. When I called and told her (I didn't do so for over two months because I just didn't know what to say) she wrecked her truck. "Creel, I hit a curb. Can I call you back?" I can't tell if she's happy for me, Gloating because the "Mighty Have Fallen", Gloating because she hated my wife, or Gloating because she "Knew" it. It doesn't matter. She's calling me regularly and wanting to hear stuff -- Anything. It feels like my kids are doing ok. I'm doing better, so maybe that's a big part of it. Thanks for asking. It's good to see an update. So good you have such awesome support -- you have been open to it, so you get credit for that, too and for the listening. Yes, you sound very emotionally/spiritually "well" in your updates here, but yeah, that's not to say there will still be break down days. As you said, this is not easy stuff and the only way through it is through it. It's pretty apparent you will come through stronger, happier and thriving. The "getting" each other part is huge and it does take a special person for everyone. I think that's where the "not settling" part comes into play. I think of the text I sent my husband last night - if I had sent that to my ex, I KNOW he would have said, "What, do you want to be on a pedestal?" Or he would have said, "I will love her always".. blah, blah. But my current husband GETS me - he KNEW it meant "I am horny" and he responded like a good husband should.  SO true on self-awareness. I know Caris is big on self-awareness too. And, Caris - I do so want you to meet someone who GETS you. (and everyone here) Self-awareness is no joke. I admit to having slipped a bit lately, which I think is a reason I can also credit my latest "funk" rage I went through. What's getting me out of it is being AUTHENTIC to who I am, and being honest with myself, first and foremost and then letting that version live unapologetically in the world without others squelching her. Anyway... interesting discussion here again. Just wishing everyone, everyone the best!! |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2017 9:54:55 GMT -5
Self-awareness is no joke. I admit to having slipped a bit lately, which I think is a reason I can also credit my latest "funk" rage I went through. What's getting me out of it is being AUTHENTIC to who I am, and being honest with myself, first and foremost and then letting that version live unapologetically in the world without others squelching her. Self-Awareness is completely new to me. Over the past year. One from that Social Structure of mine taught it to me. And I've glommed onto it like white on rice. I laugh about how unpleasant it is sometimes. Men like I am have some seriously ugly, stupid, and destructive traits. I even thought some of mine were pretty cool (Embarrassing). But I keep telling myself that knowing is better than being ignorant. I'm seriously tired of being ignorant. I'm thinking there's no way to have "Authenticity", to be "Genuine", or to have any integrity without this Self-Awareness. |
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SO true on self-awareness. I know 
