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Post by northstarmom on Oct 12, 2017 6:48:11 GMT -5
A good example of why why hunting may not make sense. Letting go of the person who is so cruel, indifferent, vengeful or selfish does make sense. This is today's column from Annie Lane:
Dear Annie: I saw the letter in your column written by "Jealous in Wisconsin." I empathize with "Jealous," because I know exactly how he feels. My wife and I both met when we were just barely 20 years old. I was a very naive 20. I had only had one girlfriend in my life, and we'd never even gotten physical.
My wife and I married at 21 after going together for a year. I was deeply in love. A few years after we got married and had a son, I found out some things from a friend of hers. It seems my wife had quite a past with other men, including two married men. I didn't believe it at first, but it turned out to be true.
I have never looked at her the same. The love I had for her has disappeared. We've been married for almost 40 years now because I decided to stay with her — not out of love but out of obligation, I suppose. I haven't been intimate with her for decades and won't ever again. I suppose she doesn't care about the intimate part; she already had her fun before she met me. She has been a great mom to our son, and she has been kind to me over the years, but things with us will never be as a marriage should be.
You can call it wrong to act or feel that way, but I do, and no counseling will ever change that. — Sickened
Dear Sickened: Shame on you. Your wife didn't break any vows, but you did. Rather than love and cherish her, you've treated her like dirt, all because of some things she did as a teenager. Your pettiness has cost this poor woman the joy of a supportive partnership, and I'd like you to take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself what it's bought you.
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Post by h on Oct 12, 2017 7:05:37 GMT -5
This reminds me of a blog post by flashjohn about whether the "white dress" was really that important. Personally, I wouldn't care about my W's actions of the past as long as I got to have a good future. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 12, 2017 8:00:39 GMT -5
This story has a lot of holes in it. Un-answered questions.
"I haven't been intimate with her for decades and won't ever again". That needs a whole lot more detail.
"I suppose she doesn't care about the intimate part." How do you think he came to that conclusion? Normally it's from lots of rejection.
"She's a great mom, kind over the years". Typical (everything is great, bar the sex)
"Your wife didn't break any vows but you did". That sounds like a bunch of B.S. (again lack of info.) Think about those of us who are ending our SM and starting again. How big a factor is knowing all about the next person? It's HUGE! So you don't get involved with another SM. How do you do that? You find out about their past. How do you do that? Communication and trust. Sounds like she refused to oblige to either of those.
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Post by rejected101 on Oct 12, 2017 8:44:26 GMT -5
A good example of why why hunting may not make sense. Letting go of the person who is so cruel, indifferent, vengeful or selfish does make sense. This is today's column from Annie Lane: Dear Annie: I saw the letter in your column written by "Jealous in Wisconsin." I empathize with "Jealous," because I know exactly how he feels. My wife and I both met when we were just barely 20 years old. I was a very naive 20. I had only had one girlfriend in my life, and we'd never even gotten physical. My wife and I married at 21 after going together for a year. I was deeply in love. A few years after we got married and had a son, I found out some things from a friend of hers. It seems my wife had quite a past with other men, including two married men. I didn't believe it at first, but it turned out to be true. I have never looked at her the same. The love I had for her has disappeared. We've been married for almost 40 years now because I decided to stay with her — not out of love but out of obligation, I suppose. I haven't been intimate with her for decades and won't ever again. I suppose she doesn't care about the intimate part; she already had her fun before she met me. She has been a great mom to our son, and she has been kind to me over the years, but things with us will never be as a marriage should be. You can call it wrong to act or feel that way, but I do, and no counseling will ever change that. — Sickened Dear Sickened: Shame on you. Your wife didn't break any vows, but you did. Rather than love and cherish her, you've treated her like dirt, all because of some things she did as a teenager. Your pettiness has cost this poor woman the joy of a supportive partnership, and I'd like you to take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself what it's bought you. [br DEAR SICKENED, your wife has been fucking other men behind your back for the last 40 years and guess what, it’s no less then you deserved. What a PRICK. Shame on you for making her sneak around like she’s doing something wrong you sorry excuse for a man. Or something like that? |
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Post by bballgirl on Oct 12, 2017 8:47:52 GMT -5
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Post by rejected101 on Oct 12, 2017 8:49:00 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2017 9:14:39 GMT -5
This is such a sad situation. If the man cannot get past what she did before they met, he should graciously exit the marriage. That way, both of them can find others better suited. Instead, he has cheated himself and her out of a fulfilling marriage. It is such a tragedy.
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Post by tirefire on Oct 12, 2017 14:14:25 GMT -5
"I suppose she doesn't care about the intimate part; she already had her fun before she met me."
Ummm, doesn't work like that. She didn't use up all her credits or something. What a bozo.
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 12, 2017 16:28:01 GMT -5
#1 - She CHOSE to marry HIM. But I guess that wasn't enough for him. He is so insecure that he needs a woman who would nothing else to compare him to.
#2 - Does any one actually WANT to be a "teacher" in the bedroom?
#3 - Forty years he hung on to this? Might be time to let it go.
Hey thanks for ruining a life.
Dickbag.
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Post by carl on Oct 12, 2017 18:05:42 GMT -5
I thought that was a very sad story. I don’t think I am a jealous person, in fact when I was about 16 I can remember my girl friend who was a bit older having another boyfriend and we got on ok. In fact I didn’t have any set ideas about relationships as long as it felt good. A later relationship sparked a seed of jealousy that took me by surprise grew and until I left it ,it was awe full. Never felt like that again but I do remember feeling completely paralysed. Worst relationship I ever had but because I had never been jealous before I thought it would just go. Anyway I did start acting a bit wierd before we broke up and it was quite painful. Anyway my next partner had a jealous streak herself ha ha served me right and taught me a lesson. I think jealousy comes from weakness and I think some people take all their problems what ever they are and blame them on what or who ever they can.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Oct 12, 2017 19:07:51 GMT -5
I would gather wife does actually care about sex just not with him. This bloke sounds like a real arse hole
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Post by snowman12345 on Oct 12, 2017 19:11:44 GMT -5
Worried about her sexual past - when he ought to worried about the present and probably the future...
On the other hand, did he ever wonder about where she learned that thing he likes? A smart man never asks that question - he simply lies back and enjoys the ride - so to speak.
Like a warm toilet seat - it feels so good, but you have to wonder who was there before you.
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Post by hopingforachange on Oct 15, 2017 7:38:34 GMT -5
TBH, I don't mind knowing the overall info on the past, some of the details,I don't need to know. I guess it comes from I'm the one that has won. So no matter how go someone was in the past, I'm the overall winner. And if I can lean from the past to up my game, it makes me even better.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 15, 2017 7:46:42 GMT -5
"Your wife didn't break any vows but you did". That sounds like a bunch of B.S. (again lack of info.) Think about those of us who are ending our SM and starting again. How big a factor is knowing all about the next person? It's HUGE! So you don't get involved with another SM. How do you do that? You find out about their past. How do you do that? Communication and trust. Sounds like she refused to oblige to either of those."
I do not think she owed him her past sexual history. If she passed herself off to him as a virgin, then he would have a right to be upset because she would have lied. If she let him know she'd had sec before him, then I don't see any reason for her to have told him all the details. But, if she had it would have been to her advantage by preventing her marriage to a vindictive asshole,
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Post by M2G on Oct 15, 2017 8:00:57 GMT -5
DEAR SICKENED, your wife has been fucking other men behind your back for the last 40 years and guess what, it’s no less then you deserved. What a PRICK. Shame on you for making her sneak around like she’s doing something wrong you sorry excuse for a man. Or something like that? I was going to post but you beat me to it with a better answer - nicely done |
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