Why couldn´t I see the signs of SM?

My experience is that they don't have any trouble understanding that both their mom and I love them. It takes a LOT to break that bond. Even an affair won't necessarily shake that (that is what my lady ballofconfusion had to go through and it was OK in the end).

Kids are very self centered. As long as they understand that both mom and dad love them and will continue to be in their lives it is mainly a matter of addressing their "me me me" concerns.  Hmmm...it might be a good idea for me to share this information in the Resources section.  Anyone interested in this?

My ex and I actually worked through the conversation we were going to have with them. We came up with the most likely questions and some answers. The answers tended to be "layered" meaning that we gave them a minimal answer and if they were satisfied with that we left it at that. If they had a follow up we had a little more information.

We made sure to take turns so that it wasn't just one of us explaining this to them. It also helped us when the other got a bit choked up. By the end of the conversation believe it or not we were even cracking a few jokes (seriously we were). It was a serious discussion but it wasn't a complete meltdown by the kids.

Now the way I did this is announce divorce to my wife in January and we had the talk with the kids in April. That gave her and I time to come to grips with things before bringing the kids in.

I also bent over backwards to make it an amicable divorce. If your husband and you currently kind of get along I cannot recommend this enough. Divorce is hard enough but it IS possible for two basically decent people to go through it without traumatizing the kids.

One thing to keep in mind. My kids are older than yours. You might want to get more specific advice for younger kids. But the basic advice is the same. If you and your husband are decent to each other during the divorce then it is likely you will be decent ti each other after and if mom and dad don't love each other but are decent to each other you are setting a better example by leaving than by staying until it completely falls to pieces.

At least that's my take.

Or you can just get the Gracie family to choke your worthless husband's ass out .  Please tell me you know who I'm talking about.  IMHO that entire family is a national treasure of Brazil.  Royce has choked me out personally.