Why couldn´t I see the signs of SM?

shamwow I'm laughing hard here about your standard possession comment. 😂😂😂

Well, for me the custody has to be something good for both parents and the kids. Sometimes is hard to find this balance

I totally agree.

Perhaps the hardest thing to come to grips with post-divorce is that you will not have access to your kids 24/7.  At first, it is hard dropping them off with mom (or in my case, my daughter driving both of them over) knowing I won't see them for up to a week.  They are teens, and as I'm sure you know, teens aren't the best at communication, so sometimes I don't even hear from the via text as they live their lives.  I would imagine it is hard for my ex-wife, but she isn't very talkative.

For me, that is the hardest part about custody, and would be no matter what the arrangement is.

However, I do continue to involve myself in my kid's activities.  For example, last night wasn't "my" night, but I brought him to baseball practice.  I will go to my daughters activities and events as well.  Sometimes I will go with my ex wife, sometimes by myself.  Sometimes she will be by herself at events.  It just depends upon timing.  But we will both try to make sure our kids know that both mom and dad love them, even if they no longer love each other.

Oh, and today is Thursday.  One of the benefits of the divorce is that we have established new traditions.  Every Thursday evening when I have them, we rotate cooking for each other.  This week is my daughter's turn.  We will go shopping when I get home, and we often invite over some of their friends.  I actually pay them for cooking ($2 per head) so they not only learn how to cook, but the value of work.  Now, to be a good parent is work.  It takes effort.  It isn't just picking the kids up and letting my daughter text on her phone and son play video games (pretty much what mom does).  But it is my responsibility to be the best dad I can be.  And the divorce actually gives me some opportunity to do this without their mom constantly telling me that they are not ready to handle things.

DryCreek I think you are so right... it is NEVER a good time, cause it will never be easy! We will always have something "important" at the moment to deal with - kids, money, family - and at the end we forgot to think about ourselves.
Yes, I'm aware of what you said about sooner being easier and I intend to get out of my hole before it gets too deep.

Thank you again for your advices 😘

itme of course I can do it for you! Lol
I'll be posting my thoughts about those phrases here as soon as I can 😘

My experience is that they don't have any trouble understanding that both their mom and I love them. It takes a LOT to break that bond. Even an affair won't necessarily shake that (that is what my lady ballofconfusion had to go through and it was OK in the end).

Kids are very self centered. As long as they understand that both mom and dad love them and will continue to be in their lives it is mainly a matter of addressing their "me me me" concerns.  Hmmm...it might be a good idea for me to share this information in the Resources section.  Anyone interested in this?

My ex and I actually worked through the conversation we were going to have with them. We came up with the most likely questions and some answers. The answers tended to be "layered" meaning that we gave them a minimal answer and if they were satisfied with that we left it at that. If they had a follow up we had a little more information.

We made sure to take turns so that it wasn't just one of us explaining this to them. It also helped us when the other got a bit choked up. By the end of the conversation believe it or not we were even cracking a few jokes (seriously we were). It was a serious discussion but it wasn't a complete meltdown by the kids.

Now the way I did this is announce divorce to my wife in January and we had the talk with the kids in April. That gave her and I time to come to grips with things before bringing the kids in.

I also bent over backwards to make it an amicable divorce. If your husband and you currently kind of get along I cannot recommend this enough. Divorce is hard enough but it IS possible for two basically decent people to go through it without traumatizing the kids.

One thing to keep in mind. My kids are older than yours. You might want to get more specific advice for younger kids. But the basic advice is the same. If you and your husband are decent to each other during the divorce then it is likely you will be decent ti each other after and if mom and dad don't love each other but are decent to each other you are setting a better example by leaving than by staying until it completely falls to pieces.

At least that's my take.

Or you can just get the Gracie family to choke your worthless husband's ass out .  Please tell me you know who I'm talking about.  IMHO that entire family is a national treasure of Brazil.  Royce has choked me out personally.

Ok that is really cool.