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Post by h on Aug 31, 2017 4:51:26 GMT -5
Turned 33 yesterday. All I got was a card full of flowery words about how much she loves me. Later I got an unenthusiastic attempt at a hand job that was unsuccessful in bringing me to the finish. 45 minutes of hand motions that were so mundane that I couldn't get there. Her bored sighs and eye rolling also made it difficult to keep the mood. Happy birthday to me...
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Post by baza on Aug 31, 2017 5:35:38 GMT -5
To give your missus her due Brother h , her unenthusiastic attitude toward intimate engagement with you has remained quite consistent for just about the whole history. In some ways, that's "better" than having to deal with someone putting on an act. You at least know where you are. But that raises a whole new raft of questions. |
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Post by shamwow on Aug 31, 2017 6:22:41 GMT -5
In the final years of my marriage I began to prefer nothing at all to the pathetic attempt at a sad hand job.
Granted those attempts were as common as well documented Bigfoot sightings.
I'm so glad to be done with that shit.
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 31, 2017 6:26:28 GMT -5
Are you still hoping that special days like birthdays will bring a sensual connection with your wife? I had that hope for decades. Never happened. My ex and I even shared the same birthday.
When I gave up expecting that he'd change, I started doing things on those special days that allowed me to have some measure of true happiness. It should not be a surprise that what I decided to do was to be apart from him on special days even Christmas. I was more content meditating by myself or seeing caring friends without him on those days.
I'd then have no expectations that he'd reach out to me with the kind of love I longed for. Giving up hope while taking responsibility for my own joy was what made those days something to anticipate. That detachment from my refuser also led to mby being able to completely let go of the marriage with peace not angst.
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Post by brian on Aug 31, 2017 6:54:58 GMT -5
Wait... a hand job? My refuser doesn't do those either. Haven't had one since college. My birthday weekend is chronicled in the shoutbox, but consisted of cleaning and kid activities. Nothing... absolutely nothing, for me. But that's ok, because that's what I expected... and actually wanted. I don't want my refuser any longer.
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Post by ironhamster on Aug 31, 2017 7:52:56 GMT -5
Are you still hoping that special days like birthdays will bring a sensual connection with your wife? I had that hope for decades... Giving up hope while taking responsibility for my own joy was what made those days something to anticipate. That detachment from my refuser also led to my being able to completely let go of the marriage with peace not angst. I'm getting to that same point, after the same dissapointing track record. We have an anniversary coming up, shortly. This one will be the first where I am no longer hopeful. Fortunately, I'm no longer angry. I'm ambivalent. |
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Post by johnwyo1 on Aug 31, 2017 8:41:52 GMT -5
Turned 33 yesterday. All I got was a card full of flowery words about how much she loves me. Later I got an unenthusiastic attempt at a hand job that was unsuccessful in bringing me to the finish. 45 minutes of hand motions that were so mundane that I couldn't get there. Her bored sighs and eye rolling also made it difficult to keep the mood. Happy birthday to me... I'm so sorry you have had a disappointing birthday. My wife has not been enthusiastic or giving on my birthday for quite a few years. The cards they give us sure can be a disconnect between the words and the subsequent actions. Since she went through menopause, she's rarely wanted any sex. My last birthday was similar to yours. We were on a mini vacation with friends and after she drank a lot all night, she acted line she wanted sex. I think it was partly to show off in front of her girlfriends. Nevertheless, I was feeling hopeful since it was my birthday. By the time we got to our hotel room, she was sloppy drunk but was kissing me and roughly rubbing my crotch. I initiated sex and through oral and then intercourse and manual stimulation, she had two orgasms in about 10 minutes. Basically, she just lay there and received like she usually does. But, we're still connected in intercourse and I've not finished, and she passed out or fell asleep. I couldn't continue. I really couldn't. I ended up moving to the other bed and tried to fall asleep with the arousal still there. So, I get your frustration. Birthdays ought to be better. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2017 11:20:56 GMT -5
Turned 33 yesterday. All I got was a card full of flowery words about how much she loves me. Later I got an unenthusiastic attempt at a hand job that was unsuccessful in bringing me to the finish. 45 minutes of hand motions that were so mundane that I couldn't get there. Her bored sighs and eye rolling also made it difficult to keep the mood. Happy birthday to me... I am so sorry my friend. I know how this feels. My refuser did this kind of thing a lot. Until this year, I had NEVER had sex on my birthday. I had sex on my birthday, and every other day now. My Kimmie is a wonderful girl. |
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Post by johnwyo1 on Sept 1, 2017 14:19:47 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing a hopeful message flashJohn.
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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Sept 2, 2017 23:06:10 GMT -5
I used to ask for the same thing every year for my birthday. I asked my wife to come to bed naked with three bows on. Never happened, and I gave up asking for that, or anything else, years ago. These days, I just want to be with my kids for my birthday.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Sept 3, 2017 0:00:58 GMT -5
I'm sorry h. And btw, happy belated birthday. My last birthday in SM, my H stood in the kitchen explaining that because I was so hard to buy for, he didn't get me anything. He figured it was fine since he would pay for my dinner that night. The place we were going to is roughly $8 per person for dinner. Oh wow, I was SO underwhelmed. The dinner was also including his Ex, her GF, my stepD, SIL, & granddaughter. This was the third year in a row that W1 would be at my birthday dinner. But at least I didn't get a bad handjob. And honestly- no handjob is probably better than a bad one. What will you do between now & August 2018 to make the next birthday different? From this birthday I describe above, it was about 4 more months until I found EP (the forerunner home of ILIASM). From finding EP, it was about 4 months or 6, then I started the exit plan. I was still at the house but in the guest room by the following birthday. Whatever you hope for, I hope that for you too. In any case - I hope your next-year birthday is vastly different than this one was for you. |
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Post by h on Sept 3, 2017 5:02:10 GMT -5
@geekgoddess I didn't even want her to buy me a gift. I have told her dozens of times that the only thing I really want can't be bought in a store. I have all the "stuff" I could ever need. As for going out to dinner, I'm not a big fan anyway. She likes going out. I don't mind going out but I would rather stay home. I hate being away from home all the time. She doesn't like staying home. She kept asking me for a few weeks what I wanted to go out and do for my birthday. I would rather stay home and "do something" with her.
As for next year, I may be starting an exit plan by then. I'm still on the fence about it for now and will wait for the medical issue to resolve so I can see if her attitude towards sex changes. Until then, I wait. I save money. I "handle" my own needs. I talk to the wonderful and understanding people here.
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Post by solitarysoul on Sept 4, 2017 14:38:58 GMT -5
I feel for you...I know what you feel...my 43rd is 3 weeks away....
I have never gotten laid on my birthday....ever...it's always about going out to dinner...mostly with her family...ugh...
For a few years now, she doesn't even bother to ask what I want, just buys what she thinks I need ...
I spend my b-day doing what I want ..and I insist she let me do it....but I still get stuck going out to dinner after a long tiring day at work.....
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 4, 2017 15:05:16 GMT -5
Solitarysoul you could choose to take the day off and leave town alone. You have choices. Or you could continue to let your wife trample over you.
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Post by solitarysoul on Sept 4, 2017 15:18:18 GMT -5
Solitarysoul you could choose to take the day off and leave town alone. You have choices. Or you could continue to let your wife trample over you. You act like you have my whole life figured out... When you have no idea...you know so little of me and my W yet you say such strong words.... This is NOT support...you will only be happy when everyone on this site dumps their spouses and runs off to find some mystical lover...since maybe that will justify your decisions... Given how little of my total relationship I have discussed here, no one on this site can definitively tell me how to live my life..... Nor will I live every minute of my life or choose my destiny on the power of the pussy....it's NOT worth it. The choice to stay, the choice to leave, the choice to cheat, are all valid choices..... |
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