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Post by northstarmom on Sept 9, 2017 14:02:50 GMT -5
Shep,, you are not asexual. You have the urges. He is the one who may be asexual or have a need (such as a need for sex with porn or men) you can't meet.
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Post by h on Sept 9, 2017 14:17:45 GMT -5
...why doesnt our partner realize the kind of damage they are doing to us? 😞 I wonder sometimes if my wife realizes, knows and just doesn't care. |
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Post by baza on Sept 10, 2017 20:04:16 GMT -5
It may help if you took a step back and looked at it from your refusive spouses point of view.
A case could be made that they are NOT doing a real lot of damage to you on the evident facts.
The essential fact is, that you are still in the marriage.
From that, the refusive spouse might conclude that -
(a) - there is no damage being done, otherwise you'd have left.
(b) - the damage if any, is pretty minor given that you haven't left.
On what evidence would the refusive spouse figure that they were causing you damage ?
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Post by tirefire on Sept 10, 2017 20:27:18 GMT -5
I'm in category 2, or at least started there. Her low interest in sex led to near celibacy. I would like to point out though, that the sexlessness is leading to couple issues. Our relationship is deteriorating specifically because of the sexlessness. After years of sexual neglect, emotions fade, tempers get shorter, interaction becomes more abrupt, patience dies... . This. Category 2 causes category 1. In my case, I find it extremely difficult to keep any feelings going without sex. We just drift apart. |
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Post by tirefire on Sept 10, 2017 21:06:26 GMT -5
Since my h has never had sex with me I guess I fall in asexual category. And yes 20 yrs of this b.s means you start emotionally detaching yourself, you get angry at them for even simplest of things, you feel like you are a cranky child most of the times because you are not in a happy place & in my case since I am stay at home mum (had kids via ivf due to family pressure) I get almost nil adult interaction which makes me feel like I am going crazy. I am currently on antidepressants for past year or so. It just gets better & better (not) One of these days I am going to have a breakdown...why doesnt our partner realize the kind of damage they are doing to us? 😞 Hang in there, shep40. This will sound stupid but try to get lots of exercise and sunshine. It helps me a lot in dealing with everything. |
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Post by hopingforachange on Sept 10, 2017 21:12:33 GMT -5
I was at the county retirement home for a county for a Civic meeting and as you enter the cafeteria there is a giant poster with what looked like the little old lady from Golden girls, saying, yes even at this age you still need to wrap it up, and there was a big bowl of condoms.
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Post by McRoomMate on Sept 11, 2017 0:23:43 GMT -5
I was at the county retirement home for a county for a Civic meeting and as you enter the cafeteria there is a giant poster with what looked like the little old lady from Golden girls, saying, yes even at this age you still need to wrap it up, and there was a big bowl of condoms. That is awesome. It reminds me of "The Villages" - a retirement community in Florida that at one point had the highest Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) rate in the country - and you have to be at least 55 to live there. Yes, practice safe sex, but when I read that a retirement community is on fire to do an STD epidemic from rampant wild sex among retirees. Well that definitely shows Libidos can run high well into the Golden Years. One of my best friends is a retiree in his 70s and he happily claims to be having the "Best Sex of his Life" now. nypost.com/2009/01/25/retire-to-the-bedroom/ |
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Sept 20, 2017 0:09:52 GMT -5
In my experience barring the exception of an affair taking place a sexless marriage is mostly an accumulation of many issues which have not surfaced and been properly addressed. Always certainly there is some sort of deep resentment present in the Refuser. In turn the Refuser probably would want a divorce but stays with the Refused a a security blanket, Finances, Kids, etc.
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Post by darktippedrose on Sept 21, 2017 17:41:02 GMT -5
so very true Frustrated1978 . Before my husband calmed down recently, he told EVERYONE and their mama but me that he was just gonna abandon me and the kids. Its funny. How he feels so oppressed and yet has such a mean streak. If he had been honest with me from the very beginning, God knows where we'd be right now. He makes tiny things into big hurdles by not talking about them. And Of course, I've never really had the freedom to be honest with him either. go figure. |
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Post by ironhamster on Sept 21, 2017 18:57:33 GMT -5
In my case, I think Frustrated is right. Not so much for you, darktippedrose. It took me a quarter decade to understand what I needed to about my W. I have no idea how to figure out your H. I think he's nuts. |
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Post by darktippedrose on Sept 21, 2017 23:34:23 GMT -5
well it was a good try anyways, hehe.
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