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Post by iceman on Aug 21, 2017 10:41:38 GMT -5
Quite unexpectedly I had sex with my ex last weekend.
I had travelled to visit my daughter. She lives in the same city as my ex and I don't see her very often. My ex came to dinner with us. I offered to drive her. Nothing unusual about that. My ex and I get along quite well, about as well as a divorced couple can. When I dropped my ex back at her place she asked if I wanted to come in for a beer. Nothing unusual about that either. It's happened many times before. Usually we sit around and chat about our daughter.
This time we ended up sitting on the couch together and watching a movie. We were sitting sort of close to each other but not that close. She reached out and put her hand on my thigh. I didn't react but I was thinking 'WTF is going on??'. I could feel my heart beating. Without really thinking I put my hand in top of hers and things quickly progressed to our tongues down each other's throats, our hands up under each other's clothes, and off to the bedroom where we proceeded to screw our brains out.
it was fabulous. My memory is admittedly a bit murky at this point about what really good sex is but I can't remember having better sex. There were no inhibitions. No worrying about where our hands and mouths could go on and in each other's bodies. We just gave our bodies to each other for the sheer pleasure of it. It was a flashback to what sex was like in our marriage. And as good as the sex was just having her want me was almost better. It was such a boost to my self esteem.
After we we exhausted ourselves we were laying on the bed with her head on my chest and she said that she would like this to happen whenever I'm back in town. No other expectations. There would be no real contact between visits. I would let her know when I was coming to town and we'd work out the time. It sounds wonderful. It seems that I have an outsourcing partner if I want it.
After the euphoria subsided and the blood returned back up to my brain I started wondering if I should do this. I have no real moral qualms about outsourcing given my marital situation. With the exception of frequency since I only would come to town usually once every few months, it sounds like an ideal situation. She is very willing. I trust her completely to be discreet in all situations. There is no real chance of getting caught. Even on the off chance that my daughter found out she'd probably be quite happy at the prospect of her parents being together, even if it just is for sex, and she wouldn't say a word to anybody. She never liked my current wife. Neither my ex nor I have any hope or intentions of this progressing to us truly reconciling to the point where we would consider remarrying or anything. My ex initiated the divorce and while I was heartbroken at the time I've come to see that it was the right thing to do. We certainly had no sexual problems but there were fundamental problems in our marriage that couldn't be fixed. I have no doubt that she has changed her mind about our marriage.
Still, something just doesn't feel right about outsourcing with my ex but I can't put my finger on it. Am I overthinking, as I tend to do? Should I just go with it? Thoughts please ....
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Post by eternaloptimism on Aug 21, 2017 11:17:03 GMT -5
Quite unexpectedly I had sex with my ex last weekend. I had travelled to visit my daughter. She lives in the same city as my ex and I don't see her very often. My ex came to dinner with us. I offered to drive her. Nothing unusual about that. My ex and I get along quite well, about as well as a divorced couple can. When I dropped my ex back at her place she asked if I wanted to come in for a beer. Nothing unusual about that either. It's happened many times before. Usually we sit around and chat about our daughter. This time we ended up sitting on the couch together and watching a movie. We were sitting sort of close to each other but not that close. She reached out and put her hand on my thigh. I didn't react but I was thinking 'WTF is going on??'. I could feel my heart beating. Without really thinking I put my hand in top of hers and things quickly progressed to our tongues down each other's throats, our hands up under each other's clothes, and off to the bedroom where we proceeded to screw our brains out. it was fabulous. My memory is admittedly a bit murky at this point about what really good sex is but I can't remember having better sex. There were no inhibitions. No worrying about where our hands and mouths could go on and in each other's bodies. We just gave our bodies to each other for the sheer pleasure of it. It was a flashback to what sex was like in our marriage. And as good as the sex was just having her want me was almost better. It was such a boost to my self esteem. After we we exhausted ourselves we were laying on the bed with her head on my chest and she said that she would like this to happen whenever I'm back in town. No other expectations. There would be no real contact between visits. I would let her know when I was coming to town and we'd work out the time. It sounds wonderful. It seems that I have an outsourcing partner if I want it. After the euphoria subsided and the blood returned back up to my brain I started wondering if I should do this. I have no real moral qualms about outsourcing given my marital situation. With the exception of frequency since I only would come to town usually once every few months, it sounds like an ideal situation. She is very willing. I trust her completely to be discreet in all situations. There is no real chance of getting caught. Even on the off chance that my daughter found out she'd probably be quite happy at the prospect of her parents being together, even if it just is for sex, and she wouldn't say a word to anybody. She never liked my current wife. Neither my ex nor I have any hope or intentions of this progressing to us truly reconciling to the point where we would consider remarrying or anything. My ex initiated the divorce and while I was heartbroken at the time I've come to see that it was the right thing to do. We certainly had no sexual problems but there were fundamental problems in our marriage that couldn't be fixed. I have no doubt that she has changed her mind about our marriage. Still, something just doesn't feel right about outsourcing with my ex but I can't put my finger on it. Am I overthinking, as I tend to do? Should I just go with it? Thoughts please .... Get in there lad! I will certainly agree that exes (depending on the reason they are an ex) do make very easy outsource partners. You know what you are getting and you know their trustworthiness. Of course, anyone can turn bat shit crazy anytime so....... |
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on Aug 21, 2017 11:34:38 GMT -5
I think it may be something that, if you do want an AP, may be an excellent option.
You already have established trust and history that brings you close, with the benefit of already having been together and knowing why you separated. I think being an ex makes her an easy choice, especially since she is wanting the D and you clearly need someone to want your D.
I would like to add a bit of sour though, if your W finds out, her being your ex may make it worse or better. I would hope better (maybe she could understand since you two did have a good sex life and you will always love the mother of your child in some respect) but it could also blow up bigger.
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 21, 2017 12:07:05 GMT -5
I think it's great and I'm so happy for you!
Trust in any relationship is so important and it makes the sex even better!
Just enjoy it for what it is and I would definitely visit your daughter more often.
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Post by iceman on Aug 21, 2017 12:10:58 GMT -5
I think it may be something that, if you do want an AP, may be an excellent option. You already have established trust and history that brings you close, with the benefit of already having been together and knowing why you separated. I think being an ex makes her an easy choice, especially since she is wanting the D and you clearly need someone to want your D. I would like to add a bit of sour though, if your W finds out, her being your ex may make it worse or better. I would hope better (maybe she could understand since you two did have a good sex life and you will always love the mother of your child in some respect) but it could also blow up bigger. That's true. My W might very well not take it well if she were to find out. Especially since she and my ex have always gotten along and encouraged me to maintain a good relationship with her. She would most likely feel betrayed from both sides and rightly wonder of this has been going on the whole time. |
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Post by ironhamster on Aug 21, 2017 12:19:19 GMT -5
When I realized my current situation was never going to get any better, one of the things I did was to look up old girlfriends. Three decades and name changing marriages and who knows what made ex-girlfriends hard to find. I did find the one I really wanted to find, though. We were incredible, together. She never married, and never will. I grieve, thinking about her.
Enjoy your new outsourcing partner, and give her all the enjoyment you can.
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Post by shamwow on Aug 21, 2017 12:23:17 GMT -5
"My ex initiated the divorce and while I was heartbroken at the time I've come to see that it was the right thing to do. We certainly had no sexual problems but there were fundamental problems in our marriage that couldn't be fixed. I have no doubt that she has changed her mind about our marriage."
A few questions:
- I'd be curious to hear what these "fundamental problems" are. If it were that you had different expectation of what you want in life, then outsourcing with you ex might make sense since this problem wouldn't be applicable.
- If the problem was more of a fundamental personality problem, it could blow up in your face. Basically, is she emotionally stable? Are you?
- Also, has she moved on? Is she also outsourcing? Or would this only be you outsourcing? If just you outsourcing, she does have a potential club held over your head with your current wife if things go south.
- If you did start an outsourcing relationship along FWB lines, do you really think with past history, you could keep the emotions out of it? If so, you are a stronger man than I.
You say that your daughter would probably be happy knowing you were together just having sex. I'm not sure how old your daughter is, but I would think that the response might be more confusion rather than joy if she found out. It is also possible she may look down on you because you're cheating on your current wife. On the other hand, I don't know the people involved. I do know the more personalities you add to the mix, the more volatile the mix can become. This is especially true if you are outsourcing and planning on staying with your current wife. Shit could get messy quick, and like it or not, your wife and your ex will probably run into each other from time to time.
If it were me and I were going to outsource, I'd pick someone without any contacts to your family. There are lots of ladies out there that don't have the same drama potential.
I never outsourced in my marriage, so this is just my 2 cents for whatever they are worth...
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 21, 2017 12:47:11 GMT -5
Like shamwowI'm curious to know what the fundamental issues were too. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2017 14:16:40 GMT -5
iceman , I really don't think your W's feelings have anything to do with your situation. She would be pissed regardless of who you fucked. She would also find a way to say that it is all your fault regardless. I think you should increase the visits to once or twice a month. Now, you have a place to sleep and someone to fuck. Keep on doing what you can, try to hang on until your kids are out of HS, get them in college, and leave her. If she cared about you, she would either start having sex with you, go to a doctor/counselor to address her issues, or agree to divorce peacefully. Since she has done none of those things, her feelings/thoughts/opinions are irrelevant.
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Post by worksforme2 on Aug 21, 2017 14:32:43 GMT -5
Welcome to the fraternity brother iceman. After a mandatory 1 year separation my divorce was final in May of '16. I had purchased my 3rd Harley Sportster some months before. My X had never been on a motorcycle so one day we went for a ride. A couple hours later we returned to her place and went inside. I ask if she enjoyed her 1st ride. She said yes and now I was going to get lucky. So after a years separation we f*cked each other right down to a nub. There's something special about X sex isn't there?
I'm in the boat with flashjohn. Bang your X as long as she is interested and available. As for your refuser, she has no one to blame but herself.
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Post by iceman on Aug 21, 2017 15:33:58 GMT -5
iceman , I really don't think your W's feelings have anything to do with your situation. She would be pissed regardless of who you fucked. She would also find a way to say that it is all your fault regardless. I think you should increase the visits to once or twice a month. Now, you have a place to sleep and someone to fuck. Keep on doing what you can, try to hang on until your kids are out of HS, get them in college, and leave her. If she cared about you, she would either start having sex with you, go to a doctor/counselor to address her issues, or agree to divorce peacefully. Since she has done none of those things, her feelings/thoughts/opinions are irrelevant. Couldn't agree more. While I care about my wife's feelings they aren't the driving no force behind anything I do. She lost that courtesty when she effectively made me a monk against my will with no regards for my feelings. Yeah, trying to come up with ways to get there more often now. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2017 15:41:48 GMT -5
iceman , I really don't think your W's feelings have anything to do with your situation. She would be pissed regardless of who you fucked. She would also find a way to say that it is all your fault regardless. I think you should increase the visits to once or twice a month. Now, you have a place to sleep and someone to fuck. Keep on doing what you can, try to hang on until your kids are out of HS, get them in college, and leave her. If she cared about you, she would either start having sex with you, go to a doctor/counselor to address her issues, or agree to divorce peacefully. Since she has done none of those things, her feelings/thoughts/opinions are irrelevant. Couldn't agree more. While I care about my wife's feelings they aren't the driving no force behind anything I do. She lost that courtesty when she effectively made me a monk against my will with no regards for my feelings. Yeah, trying to come up with ways to get there more often now. Good for you! So how long before your youngest is out of HS? How old will you be? I was 50 when my youngest graduated and went to college. I tried until she went back after Xmas break. Refuser made it clear that she was never going to change. So I moved out. Best decision I have ever made. |
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Post by iceman on Aug 21, 2017 16:15:33 GMT -5
Like shamwow I'm curious to know what the fundamental issues were too. The fundamental problem was that she didn't want to be married at all. Not to me. Not to anybody. We married very young and she didn't really know who she was or what she wanted from life. I guess I didn't either. She slowly came to realization that being married wasn't how she wanted to live. It wasn't so much an indictment of me as an indictment of marriage. Once I got over the shock and hurt I came to realize that given her views we really had no business being married. I grudingly admired her for it. It couldn't have been easy for her. Nobody understood why she was doing it. We had what appeared to be a perfect marriage. It took a lot of strength for her to go through with it but she never backed away from what she thought was right. I think we remained friendly not only because we always put our daughter first but because we really still liked each other in a platonic way. The ironic part part is that I've come full circle to her position. I don't want to be married. It doesn't mean that I don't want an intimate relationship. Just not marriage. That may be where we differ. She doesn't want any kind of intimate relationship. She wants the sex without worrying that it will develop into something more serious. I think she regards me as safe in that regard and I'm okay with that. It will never be more than that for me. |
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Post by iceman on Aug 21, 2017 16:19:58 GMT -5
Couldn't agree more. While I care about my wife's feelings they aren't the driving no force behind anything I do. She lost that courtesty when she effectively made me a monk against my will with no regards for my feelings. Yeah, trying to come up with ways to get there more often now. Good for you! So how long before your youngest is out of HS? How old will you be? I was 50 when my youngest graduated and went to college. I tried until she went back after Xmas break. Refuser made it clear that she was never going to change. So I moved out. Best decision I have ever made. I'll be 60 when the youngest is away. 3 years away. That bothers me a bit. Not only that I'll be that much closer to retirement and don't have much time to recover financially from the damage that a divorce will inflict but it just feels like every year I wait is one less year that I don't have a chance at happiness. I feel like the window is closing with each passing year. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2017 16:27:00 GMT -5
Good for you! So how long before your youngest is out of HS? How old will you be? I was 50 when my youngest graduated and went to college. I tried until she went back after Xmas break. Refuser made it clear that she was never going to change. So I moved out. Best decision I have ever made. I'll be 60 when the youngest is away. 3 years away. That bothers me a bit. Not only that I'll be that much closer to retirement and don't have much time to recover financially from the damage that a divorce will inflict but it just feels like every year I wait is one less year that I don't have a chance at happiness. I feel like the window is closing with each passing year. My friend, you can get out whenever you want. I kind of wish I had left earlier, but I did not. I can tell you that I met someone who is better than anyone I could ever ask or imagine. And she is 8 years younger than me! |
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