Post by lovespirit on May 10, 2016 5:30:35 GMT -5
I'm so glad to be in a place where others understand. I have been reading the posts for some time now, and I guess it's time for a formal introduction. I was brokenlovespirit on EP...I mostly lurked and read a lot. I feel I connected with others through their stories, and it made me feel less alone. I have a very long story, but to sum it up we have been married 13 years, and sexless nearly the whole time. The first year we were together we had a fairly satisfying sex life, and when our son was born, he no longer had any interest in me. We have had sex probably 5 times since (never for longer than a few minutes) and it was mostly because of my begging and pleading (reset sex). We also have a daughter together (one of those times).
I have fantasized about leaving him for many years. I've had health problems for a good portion of the time we've been together, but regardless, I've had a high sex drive my entire life..and none of my issues have ever really affected me sexually. Because of my health though, I've only held a couple of odd jobs since we've been together, so the financial issues are the mountain that's holding me back from a divorce. I'm finally at a point that I'm starting to turn a corner with my health and things are really starting to improve, although I still have a ways to go. I know that the lack of love and affection/intimacy can have a real impact on your health, and that's a fact! I believe the lack of caring and compassion from my husband has amplified my problems, and I am bound and determined to get my life back and not sit here and wither away another year. It's a slow death...mourning my old self and the love that I used to feel in relationships. Omg, how I miss kissing someone and their eyes lighting up when they see me. I want that so much again. This is no life. He says he loves me, and even had the nerve the other day to tell me I was "sexy"...ugh. So meaningless from someone that hasn't been intimate with me but once in the last 5 years. I've grown to detest him, and I don't even want to sleep in the same bed with him, but he refuses to sleep on the couch most of the time, and I shouldn't have to. He stays on his edge of the bed, and I stay on mine. I refer to him as the "co-parent" because as I've told him, I don't even really think we're friends. We just co-exist in the same house.
We both have children from other marriages. His have no contact with him. My older kids adore him and think more of him than their own dad. They understand that I'm not happy and they know why, but they still dread the idea of me 'possibly' wanting a divorce. The two children we have together 12, and 10..adore him as well. Even though he is cranky most of the time, they love him to death because he buys them crap to win their love...that's all he knows how to do. The whole reason I decided to have a second family with him is because he was so kind, affectionate and caring. I thought he was amazing when we met and became heartbroken when he changed. I'm sure like most of you, I felt DUPED..like I married someone other than the person I thought I was marrying. I wanted to have children that would finally see a loving relationship between their parents, and all my dreams have been shattered. My children have lived a somewhat sheltered life, as he is an introvert and has never liked to do much or associate with people really, but I've been getting out more and more, and he either comes along or he can stay home. It doesn't matter to me anymore. My kids have only had one friend that has divorced parents (that they are aware of) and can't imagine what that would be like. The poor kids have no idea how things could change if Mommy was happy. They have no idea the world that awaits them out there, and I don't want them growing up any longer thinking this crap is NORMAL! It's so far from it. I don't want my daughter to marry a man that will emotionally abuse and neglect her, and I'm ashamed that I've let this go on as long as it has, but it was due to circumstances I couldn't control at the time. He obviously has mental problems, health problems or both. He is addressing some of his health problems, but will avoid the subject of getting his hormones tested. It's utterly ridiculous.
I now have self-esteem issues and feel that no one will want me with so much baggage and emotional damage. I'm working on myself though, and losing weight, changing my diet, my appearance, my attitude and hopefully my entire life. I'm trying to come up with an exit plan, it may take some time, but I've decided I just can't do this anymore. It's not fair to any of us. I'm really going to need support, and I'm thankful there is a place I can vent and let it all out.
I've never been unfaithful, but I sure have wished the opportunity had presented itself. I've talked to people online, but that's as far as it ever went. I can't believe I've been faithful, and neither can the very few people I've told about the situation. They said there's NO WAY they could have done it this long, and I deserve a medal.
The closest I've been online to someone else was a man that I used to date as a teen. We have periodically spoken and flirted over the last few years, with sometimes months in between our talks. He never asked if I was married, and I never said. I don't want to scare him away. He's the very honest type, and the last thing I want him to think is that I'm some typical "cheater". I would explain it all in person to him, if it ever got to that point...and if he asked me online I wouldn't hesitate to tell him the truth. I just haven't brought it up, because I feel like the minute he would see the word *married* he'd run.
He was the "one that got away" for me, and was my best friend back then. Several years later, he told me he was in love with me after I was already in another relationship, and we never spoke again for over 20 years until I stumbled upon him on Facebook. His words have haunted me my whole life. I never thought I'd ever pursue another relationship again after this marriage..my husband was the last for me. Since my marriage has turned out this way, and recently I came to understand that I finally gave up trying some time ago (since I'm the only one that ever put forth any effort), I've done some serious soul searching and realized I've been in love with the one from my past all along. I don't know if I will be able to win his heart, or if I will meet someone new that will win mine...all I know is I'm ready to begin again and start my life over. I know there has to be real love out there somewhere.
Thank you for being here, and listening to all my gibberish. Sorry to drag this out so much. I can't ever be completely honest with anyone in my life. There is always a piece I have to leave out, depending on who they are..and here I can finally be totally honest and let it all out. That feels really good. I'm so tired of carrying this heavy burden alone.
I have fantasized about leaving him for many years. I've had health problems for a good portion of the time we've been together, but regardless, I've had a high sex drive my entire life..and none of my issues have ever really affected me sexually. Because of my health though, I've only held a couple of odd jobs since we've been together, so the financial issues are the mountain that's holding me back from a divorce. I'm finally at a point that I'm starting to turn a corner with my health and things are really starting to improve, although I still have a ways to go. I know that the lack of love and affection/intimacy can have a real impact on your health, and that's a fact! I believe the lack of caring and compassion from my husband has amplified my problems, and I am bound and determined to get my life back and not sit here and wither away another year. It's a slow death...mourning my old self and the love that I used to feel in relationships. Omg, how I miss kissing someone and their eyes lighting up when they see me. I want that so much again. This is no life. He says he loves me, and even had the nerve the other day to tell me I was "sexy"...ugh. So meaningless from someone that hasn't been intimate with me but once in the last 5 years. I've grown to detest him, and I don't even want to sleep in the same bed with him, but he refuses to sleep on the couch most of the time, and I shouldn't have to. He stays on his edge of the bed, and I stay on mine. I refer to him as the "co-parent" because as I've told him, I don't even really think we're friends. We just co-exist in the same house.
We both have children from other marriages. His have no contact with him. My older kids adore him and think more of him than their own dad. They understand that I'm not happy and they know why, but they still dread the idea of me 'possibly' wanting a divorce. The two children we have together 12, and 10..adore him as well. Even though he is cranky most of the time, they love him to death because he buys them crap to win their love...that's all he knows how to do. The whole reason I decided to have a second family with him is because he was so kind, affectionate and caring. I thought he was amazing when we met and became heartbroken when he changed. I'm sure like most of you, I felt DUPED..like I married someone other than the person I thought I was marrying. I wanted to have children that would finally see a loving relationship between their parents, and all my dreams have been shattered. My children have lived a somewhat sheltered life, as he is an introvert and has never liked to do much or associate with people really, but I've been getting out more and more, and he either comes along or he can stay home. It doesn't matter to me anymore. My kids have only had one friend that has divorced parents (that they are aware of) and can't imagine what that would be like. The poor kids have no idea how things could change if Mommy was happy. They have no idea the world that awaits them out there, and I don't want them growing up any longer thinking this crap is NORMAL! It's so far from it. I don't want my daughter to marry a man that will emotionally abuse and neglect her, and I'm ashamed that I've let this go on as long as it has, but it was due to circumstances I couldn't control at the time. He obviously has mental problems, health problems or both. He is addressing some of his health problems, but will avoid the subject of getting his hormones tested. It's utterly ridiculous.
I now have self-esteem issues and feel that no one will want me with so much baggage and emotional damage. I'm working on myself though, and losing weight, changing my diet, my appearance, my attitude and hopefully my entire life. I'm trying to come up with an exit plan, it may take some time, but I've decided I just can't do this anymore. It's not fair to any of us. I'm really going to need support, and I'm thankful there is a place I can vent and let it all out.
I've never been unfaithful, but I sure have wished the opportunity had presented itself. I've talked to people online, but that's as far as it ever went. I can't believe I've been faithful, and neither can the very few people I've told about the situation. They said there's NO WAY they could have done it this long, and I deserve a medal.
The closest I've been online to someone else was a man that I used to date as a teen. We have periodically spoken and flirted over the last few years, with sometimes months in between our talks. He never asked if I was married, and I never said. I don't want to scare him away. He's the very honest type, and the last thing I want him to think is that I'm some typical "cheater". I would explain it all in person to him, if it ever got to that point...and if he asked me online I wouldn't hesitate to tell him the truth. I just haven't brought it up, because I feel like the minute he would see the word *married* he'd run.
He was the "one that got away" for me, and was my best friend back then. Several years later, he told me he was in love with me after I was already in another relationship, and we never spoke again for over 20 years until I stumbled upon him on Facebook. His words have haunted me my whole life. I never thought I'd ever pursue another relationship again after this marriage..my husband was the last for me. Since my marriage has turned out this way, and recently I came to understand that I finally gave up trying some time ago (since I'm the only one that ever put forth any effort), I've done some serious soul searching and realized I've been in love with the one from my past all along. I don't know if I will be able to win his heart, or if I will meet someone new that will win mine...all I know is I'm ready to begin again and start my life over. I know there has to be real love out there somewhere.Thank you for being here, and listening to all my gibberish. Sorry to drag this out so much. I can't ever be completely honest with anyone in my life. There is always a piece I have to leave out, depending on who they are..and here I can finally be totally honest and let it all out. That feels really good. I'm so tired of carrying this heavy burden alone.
