For those who have left - what was the last straw?

It was all over for me at the timing of the first aggressive, alcohol fuelled argument in 1996, about moving house. I had provided two homes by that stage and complete stability, allowed her to give up working 2 years before we started our family, and done my level best to make our lives a happy one. But nothing ever seemed enough, and we were already virtually in an SM. I tried searching the internet, it was fairly basic in those days, and I learned that women lost drive sometimes after childbirth, so I decided to be patient, and hope the attraction and desire might return. I was already under the spell of control in those days. But I didnt even mind. But then one day, completely by surprise, one evening after drinking quite a bit of wine, she announced her desire to move home. Well, we lived in a delightful cottage in a sweet village and had lovely neighbours. The house was easily big enough and if anyone needed more space it was me, because of my obsession with cars. But I was ok with it, they all lived at work. And I had let the hobby go anyway, so rarely did anything much with them. The discussion turned very quickly into a full blown argument, she smashed her wine glass onto the table and announced that unless I sold the house and bought another, she would divorce me. She even threatened to kill the dog. And then stormed out of the house into the night. It scared me. I thought that perhaps I was the one at fault over all this. But as I re-analysed it all, I knew I was not the one with the problem. She returned home several hours later, and nothing was said. I knew that day I had reached the end. But our child was only 4. And my business so busy, I knew I would never get custody. And I had employed her brother as well, my sole staff member. He was a control freak of equal standing to her. So if he wasnt pushing me around at work, she was pushing me around at home. I didnt know it, but I think I was already a lost soul. So, 21 years thrown away. I sold two very precious possessions to facilitate the move. And we moved to a home in 1997 I never thought I would achieve in a lifetime. I spent fortunes restoring the place. And then in 2002, the same event took place, the need to relocate to a different part of the country, because she liked it there. And another divorce threat. We were virtually sexless by then. I thought very long and hard about separation then. I didnt want to relocate, but daughter only 9. I decided to go with it, perhaps things would get better. I ploughed all the money from the sale of my business property into a dream home. A real dream home. And moved the business there. I was even on my own a few months here due to the logistics. I knew then, I was happier here on my own than in her presence. Every day was a trial, another potential confrontation. I absorbed myself in work, right across the yard from the house, and in the restoration. I started a second business hoping she would be involved, but there was no interest, so I ended up with two to run instead. Life became very lonely. But I got to take my little girl to school every day and collect her in the afternoon. So I could enjoy her more than at the previous place, where I only took her twice a week and rarely could get away to pick her up. I wondered whether I would ever get out. Then in 2008, I overheard a conversation between wife and daughter about relationships and sex. The wife was telling our 15 year old that she should never accept a relationship which failed to satisfy her physically. I couldnt believe my ears. And so attempted to discuss it the following day. As usual, a vicious attack in response from my wife. She told me I was un-attractive, not sexually stimulating, didnt possess the power of touch. She said in her own words. You are not sexual. She then told me to go and find it elsewhere. I spiralled into a complete loss of self confidence. And I did outsource. But it was meaningless, there was no connection. I might as well have paid for it. I endured dreadful guilt about what I had done, and then afterwards, became even more lonely. Confrontations between wife and daughter were regular, they always had been. I had become some kind of referee. I didnt know what to do. I tried to speak to a close friend, who told me, its easy, just leave. Relationships fail he said. But it wasnt as easy as that. I had no confidence in myself any more. Then one day, in 2009, an enormous argument between wife and daughter one evening when I was having dinner with friends. I received a phone call from my daughter who was sobbing about what had happened. I left the dinner table and went straight home. And it was a war zone. I picked up the pieces and asked immediately for divorce. I had never felt so disgusted with myself for allowing something like this to happen. And the following day, wife got on her horse, and announced she was going to ride him into oncoming traffic. I talked her down and she promised to see the doctor. So, once again the tables were turned onto her. I agreed to stay, and work towards the future. We were at this point, totally sexless. We rarely ever hugged, and if we kissed, then on the cheek at christmas. I had lost my opportunity to follow through, and once again everything was on her terms. During that year, 2009, I lost interest completely in my business. I couldnt be bothered any more. I decided to take up a hobby I hadnt done since before we met. And so I absorbed myself in that. I knew it was a temporary fix, but initially it worked. I was told by the wife that I was an idiot, I would look ridiculous, be competing against people half my age, etc etc. But I ignored her, and did it anyway. I imagined in my dreams that she wouldnt show any interest, and perhaps this would be my escape. How stupid. She came along too, and soon began to take everything over. Within two years she was telling me what to do and when to do it. I didnt even enjoy that either. And then, one day, about 4 years ago, she said she wanted to move home. What, from this dream place I spent 5 years restoring and used every penny of my savings to achieve ? The place we solemnly promised we would never leave ? The place that in itself had stopped me following through with separation on many occasions ? Yes, that one. So I explained all of that, and was told no, it was time to move. And then the divorce threat came. I actually laughed. And said yes, lets. And as fast as the threat came, it disappeared. But I lost my chance. Again. I became quite ill. I got shingles from stress. And then again a year later. I tried to plan my own demise on a few nights when lying awake. But didnt have the courage to do that either. Another 2 years passed. And finally one night, after another discussion between wife and daughter about a friend of daughters in a sexless relationship, I broke down into tears in front of daughter and asked for a divorce. Little did I know that she knew I was in an SM. I had no idea. And apparently she disagreed with it. I was asked to continue the discussion the following day. I should have refused. I was offered joint counselling, and another attempt to rebuild the relationship. I knew it would be a fail, as I was way passed wanting to separate anyway. But I accepted it. But it wasnt delivered upon. Not a bit of it. All hollow promises. So it took me another 2 years to build up to doing it all over again. And this time I followed it up by doing it. I couldnt care about selling the home anymore. I couldnt care if she gets half. I should have done this years ago. I've lived in a passionless wasteland for over 21 years. It was pretty dreadful before that. I tell friends, and they say sorry. I say no, please dont say sorry, this is the best thing I have done in years.

I'm not good at answering questions am I ? Lol. What was the last straw, thats the topic isnt it. Sorry. Well it was the wedding night. She didnt want me then. I found it really weird that I had just pledged everything to someone who didnt even want me on the night of our wedding. That was the last straw. It just took me 28 years to sort it out.