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Post by darktippedrose on Aug 13, 2017 2:04:55 GMT -5
I've talked to some other people about sexless marriage and sexless marriage issues and it seems like some crossover between mental illness and sm problems.
I'm not even sure how to tell it apart.
Do we cry randomly because we have this random attack of depression, or is the depression caused by sexless marriage?
Like when my husband wanted to take a second wife, I was listed as having a mood disorder. I was forbidden from telling them the real truth, that I freaked out after seeing a receipt for a hotel. For apparently, him learning how to sleep "alone".
Do others in SM experience this?
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Post by brian on Aug 13, 2017 5:34:47 GMT -5
Like when my husband wanted to take a second wife, I was listed as having a mood disorder. I was forbidden from telling them the real truth, that I freaked out after seeing a receipt for a hotel. For apparently, him learning how to sleep "alone". Do others in SM experience this? Wiat... what?!? FORBIDDEN from twlling the truth?!? Who the fuck gets to tell you that you're not allowed to tell the truth? That is complete bullshit! If someone doesn't want the truth out there, then they shouldn't be doing what they are doing. Manipulative control freak. You need to run. |
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Post by baza on Aug 13, 2017 7:11:54 GMT -5
I reckon there is enough anecdotal evidence in this group to suggest that a lot of refuser spouses have mental issues.
It is certainly a "why", no doubt about that.
And, like all refuser "whys", it makes not an iota's difference, whether the issue is the refuser being crackers, or something else. The refused spouse still has the same options.
Stay
Cheat
Leave
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Post by brian on Aug 13, 2017 9:26:15 GMT -5
Like when my husband wanted to take a second wife, I was listed as having a mood disorder. I was forbidden from telling them the real truth, that I freaked out after seeing a receipt for a hotel. For apparently, him learning how to sleep "alone". Do others in SM experience this? Wiat... what?!? FORBIDDEN from twlling the truth?!? Who the fuck gets to tell you that you're not allowed to tell the truth? That is complete bullshit! If someone doesn't want the truth out there, then they shouldn't be doing what they are doing. Manipulative control freak. You need to run. OK... I've had some time to wake up and reflect on this a little more. A couple of points: 1). Being ASKED to not reveal the truth could possibly be a little different... e.g. Please help me out by not mentioning blah blah blah because you care about me. That could still be manipulative, but at least it's a REQUEST. 2). Isn't this awfully close to what we, as a society, recognize as an abuser's way of keeping their actions hidden? "Don't tell anybody what I/we just did, or bad things will happen to you/them." OK. That's all I have for now. |
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 13, 2017 10:07:17 GMT -5
Read her back stories including in the old Experience Project site. People have repeatedly responded to her that her husband is abusive, manipulative and potentially dangerous. She has even posted that he goes on mysterious trips, supports Isis and was on the government's watch list for terrorists. He blames her and their kids for what he says is his lack of enough religious fervor. He hates her race. She has every reason to be depressed, frightened, etc. she is choosing to live with s madman. Sexlessness is the least of her problems.
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Post by lwoetin on Aug 13, 2017 11:25:26 GMT -5
You don't have mental illness. You are in a difficult and stressful position. And you don't have support around you. Your husband surely is causing a lot of hurt. Hopefully your kids are doing well.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2017 12:16:42 GMT -5
I wasn't sure what you were referring to at first, darktippedrose. I assumed you were referring to your husband's mental illness. From what I read of you, any depression you have is purely situational. You'll have to come to that realization yourself, and I understand and respect that you may not be ready. That's OK. Take your time. Keep questioning though. From what you write, it appears indisputable that your husband is mentally ill and abusive. He likely has a pathological personality disorder. Probably classic narcissism but perhaps some form of sociopathy as well. It hurts me to read your stories and I'm sure it hurts you to live them. I'm so sorry. You are not mentally ill; you are merely asking the right questions. Please, honor yourself by putting together a courageous plan that seems unattainable to you, and then use your faith to work it methodically. The bolder, the better. Go. For. It. You have nothing to lose and only your self-respect to gain. It may take years. That's OK. Run the ultra-marathon, girl. I am right here running/walking with you. Find one person (a friend, counselor, clergy, or trusted family member) who will let you lean in. Lean hard as you work. But don't stop working. Not ever. If you quit, you guarantee failure. If you keep trying, you'll get out. Hang in there, sweetheart. Sending you love, light, and prayers. Hugs, Elle |
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 15, 2017 9:52:17 GMT -5
You probably are suffering from the illnesses depression and anxiety because you are living with a mentally unbalanced man. Until you leave him, you likely will continue being ill. Being disrespected and verbally and emotionally abused are the cause of your depression.
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Post by WindSister on Aug 15, 2017 11:08:35 GMT -5
Your situation on here alarms me the most and I do wish you would follow Elle's advise.
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Post by darktippedrose on Aug 16, 2017 2:13:28 GMT -5
oh ok. Thats what I've been wondering. Then my case, my anxiety and depression are situational. and yes, I wish I could take her advice as well lols.
but like I've said before my relatives can barely let me crash for one day, let alone to get away even if I could. and I will NOT leave without my kids. Its virtually impossible right now to go anywhere with 3 kids with autism, all by myself.
two of them are lower functioning, and one is higher functioning. they require a ton of care.
a therapist told me my husband had anti-social personality disorder. its hard to prove. How do you explain mind games that have taken years to develop and notice?
So I will slowly just fight until the time is right. and hopefully knowing I am not mentally ill will help me out a bit.
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Post by shamwow on Aug 16, 2017 17:34:18 GMT -5
I wasn't sure what you were referring to at first, darktippedrose. I assumed you were referring to your husband's mental illness. From what I read of you, any depression you have is purely situational. You'll have to come to that realization yourself, and I understand and respect that you may not be ready. That's OK. Take your time. Keep questioning though. From what you write, it appears indisputable that your husband is mentally ill and abusive. He likely has a pathological personality disorder. Probably classic narcissism but perhaps some form of sociopathy as well. It hurts me to read your stories and I'm sure it hurts you to live them. I'm so sorry. You are not mentally ill; you are merely asking the right questions. Please, honor yourself by putting together a courageous plan that seems unattainable to you, and then use your faith to work it methodically. The bolder, the better. Go. For. It. You have nothing to lose and only your self-respect to gain. It may take years. That's OK. Run the ultra-marathon, girl. I am right here running/walking with you. Find one person (a friend, counselor, clergy, or trusted family member) who will let you lean in. Lean hard as you work. But don't stop working. Not ever. If you quit, you guarantee failure. If you keep trying, you'll get out. Hang in there, sweetheart. Sending you love, light, and prayers. Hugs, Elle ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS TIMES 100 |
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Post by skguy on Aug 16, 2017 21:43:24 GMT -5
oh ok. Thats what I've been wondering. Then my case, my anxiety and depression are situational. and yes, I wish I could take her advice as well lols. but like I've said before my relatives can barely let me crash for one day, let alone to get away even if I could. and I will NOT leave without my kids. Its virtually impossible right now to go anywhere with 3 kids with autism, all by myself. two of them are lower functioning, and one is higher functioning. they require a ton of care. a therapist told me my husband had anti-social personality disorder. its hard to prove. How do you explain mind games that have taken years to develop and notice? So I will slowly just fight until the time is right. and hopefully knowing I am not mentally ill will help me out a bit. That sounds like a good plan for your situation. A plan that works for you. Take care as always. |
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Post by warmways on Aug 16, 2017 23:51:59 GMT -5
Hi, dark tipped rose. I think that most people who had to deal with what you're experiencing wouldn't be as strong as you. Yes, as skguy says: it sounds like a good plan. It's *your* plan and only you know what's best for you and how to gather strength in order to keep safe. Please keep noticing and questioning and most of all knowing that your anxiety and depression are the inevitable response of living in an impossible situation..it's cause and effect. .. be gentle with yourself....thinking about you...🦋🍀🌼
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2017 8:01:10 GMT -5
oh ok. Thats what I've been wondering. Then my case, my anxiety and depression are situational. and yes, I wish I could take her advice as well lols. but like I've said before my relatives can barely let me crash for one day, let alone to get away even if I could. and I will NOT leave without my kids. Its virtually impossible right now to go anywhere with 3 kids with autism, all by myself. two of them are lower functioning, and one is higher functioning. they require a ton of care. a therapist told me my husband had anti-social personality disorder. its hard to prove. How do you explain mind games that have taken years to develop and notice? So I will slowly just fight until the time is right. and hopefully knowing I am not mentally ill will help me out a bit. You'll get there in your own time, DTR. Just keep fighting, step by step. And know you're not alone and you're not mentally ill. Don't be ashamed to ask for as much help as you can get with those kiddos. I know how much work they are. Those are God's special little angels though, the ones with special needs. They melt my heart. Hugs, Elle |
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 17, 2017 14:04:36 GMT -5
Mental illness is like any other illness. You can be born with it, develop it for no apparent reason or you can develop it because you are in an unhealthy environment.
From what you have described of your life, you used to be a reasonably mentally healthy person but now have developed depression and anxiety in response to your husband's behavior. What happened is like developing the flu because of living with and taking care of a person who is ill with the flu.
It will be hard for you to get well if you continue living with a selfish, uncaring potentially dangerous husband. You have every reason to be depressed an anxious. Those are normal responses to frightening, depressing situations. Something would be wrong with you if you were bubbling over with joy under your circumstances.
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