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Post by hopingforachange on Aug 15, 2017 7:11:56 GMT -5
Yup. A free pass to see hookers* every other month and she is gone every week? Methinks you're being had. I imagine she's already having her fun. *her mention of the amount you can afford leads me to believe she expects you to hire a pro. Always a possibility that she is having her fun. I have considered that possibility for years. I don't believe so, and she vehemently denies it as a possibility when it's brought up, but the thought has always been there. As for the affordability, can't bring 'em home (kids), so it's a hotel. Can only afford so many of those before renting a cheap apartment becomes more economical. But how many women want to go to "his place" for a romp? Those that are most drunk will be the ones that will be the loudest in saying "I'm not drunk" |
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Post by hopingforachange on Aug 15, 2017 7:53:32 GMT -5
It's kind of like the politicians that are the most against gay marriage/rights are the once picking up men in the airport bathrooms or having secret rendezvous. Or those preaching the sanctity of marriage are the ones banging their sectary on the governor's desk.
Those with the biggest skeletons are the loudest.
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Post by cagedadventurer on Aug 15, 2017 16:18:54 GMT -5
I know it has been stated, but because she opened the door for outsourcing, she's got something up her proverbial sleeve.
Of everything you have shared with us, the "she travels 3 days a week" is the most informative. Now I will suggest that she has not yet fooled around with another guy and if so that would NOT be why you are be rejected at home. Usually the opposite happens and you'd get sexed out of guilt.
HOWEVER, I would definitely call a P.I. in the city she next travels. He will either alleviate the concern or give you evidence. (Affairs are always denied to the Nth degree without evidence) because she has likely been approached and she liked how it felt - just like you and I like to flirt and appreciate the attention. The reality is she wants to get laid and what's good for the goose is good for the gander. The P.I. - best investment you'll make. But do it during a week where she thinks you have taken her up on the deal of inviting a friend. She will be more bold about it. Do NOT trust at this point if there happens to be any trust remaining. Play this carefully so you are not taken by surprise with anything. She's being very calculating here.....not thinking about your needs though that is how a she tries to make it appear.
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 15, 2017 22:11:49 GMT -5
For our most recent anniversary, our 8th, she was working the evening shift for 3 days straight...our anniversary was the first of the three....so I never saw her.
It went by without a mention.
Never once has there been sex on our anniversary....not once....
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 16, 2017 6:24:27 GMT -5
Solitary soul, why are you staying with her?
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 16, 2017 7:08:44 GMT -5
Solitary soul, why are you staying with her? I guess I try to avoid making a big deal out of any particular day....just I wish people would ignore my birthday (I prefer to quietly do my own thing that day rather than what everyone else wants) Romance and love are for TV and movies...I have not experienced them, and now feel my wife has become dependent on me and I am not one to pull that rug out...so I go about my days... |
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Post by h on Aug 16, 2017 8:05:30 GMT -5
Solitary soul, why are you staying with her? I guess I try to avoid making a big deal out of any particular day....just I wish people would ignore my birthday (I prefer to quietly do my own thing that day rather than what everyone else wants) Romance and love are for TV and movies...I have not experienced them, and now feel my wife has become dependent on me and I am not one to pull that rug out...so I go about my days... If she isn't concerned about what is important to you, then why should you worry about her depending on you? Since being "awakened" I can honestly say that my wife's dependency on me has grown to be much less of a concern. If she continues to disregard my needs, then eventually I will become so cold and distant that her general welfare won't matter to me. |
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 16, 2017 8:28:38 GMT -5
I guess I try to avoid making a big deal out of any particular day....just I wish people would ignore my birthday (I prefer to quietly do my own thing that day rather than what everyone else wants) Romance and love are for TV and movies...I have not experienced them, and now feel my wife has become dependent on me and I am not one to pull that rug out...so I go about my days... If she isn't concerned about what is important to you, then why should you worry about her depending on you? Since being "awakened" I can honestly say that my wife's dependency on me has grown to be much less of a concern. If she continues to disregard my needs, then eventually I will become so cold and distant that her general welfare won't matter to me. My caring about people is not dependent on what they do for me...I care about people I have never personally met...I am highly empathetic...I am more than willing to take the knife if it prevents pain and hurt for other people. Nothing bothers me more than causing hurt to other people...I don't hate her for the lack of sex...and I still want to see her happy....that still brightens my day....but I guess that makes me look like a pushover to people here.... |
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 16, 2017 8:37:13 GMT -5
When I considered divorce, I was concerned about my husband since the only friends he had were my friends.my closest friends, people who knew the truth of my marriage, told me I needed to worry about myself. I was a s the one who was in danger of living in misery. They said my husband would be fine.
When I finally decided to divorce, it ended up my husband had a mistress and plenty of friends abroad. The only thing I regret is living so much of my past life to try to make his life easier and happy. I wish I had paid more attention to my own needs and happiness.
I am living a very happy life now, including with romantic love, but I wish I had started doing that earlier. It is important to love oneself and to take care of oneself. You have no responsibility to take care of a spouse who doesn't give a damn about your own needs.
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 16, 2017 8:45:33 GMT -5
When I considered divorce, I was concerned about my husband since the only friends he had were my friends.my closest friends, people who knew the truth of my marriage, told me I needed to worry about myself. I was a s the one who was in danger of living in misery. They said my husband would be fine. When I finally decided to divorce, it ended up my husband had a mistress and plenty of friends abroad. The only thing I regret is living so much of my past life to try to make his life easier and happy. I wish I had paid more attention to my own needs and happiness. I am living a very happy life now, including with romantic love, but I wish I had started doing that earlier. It is important to love oneself and to take care of oneself. You have no responsibility to take care of a spouse who doesn't give a damn about your own needs. You situation was different than mine...we (as a couple) have no friends...I do a lot of things with her as she has no one to do them with...she has medical issues, serious depression, serious family problems....and abandonment issues.... I do not see her being fine.... I am glad you found love and fulfillment... I have been rejected by women my whole life so now that I am less a man than I was, I don't expect it to be different... I was almost a real life 30yo virgin.... |
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Post by h on Aug 16, 2017 9:18:26 GMT -5
If she isn't concerned about what is important to you, then why should you worry about her depending on you? Since being "awakened" I can honestly say that my wife's dependency on me has grown to be much less of a concern. If she continues to disregard my needs, then eventually I will become so cold and distant that her general welfare won't matter to me. My caring about people is not dependent on what they do for me...I care about people I have never personally met...I am highly empathetic...I am more than willing to take the knife if it prevents pain and hurt for other people. Nothing bothers me more than causing hurt to other people...I don't hate her for the lack of sex...and I still want to see her happy....that still brightens my day....but I guess that makes me look like a pushover to people here.... It's not that I don't care about her. I'm just done NOT caring about myself. I don't hate her for the lack of sex... yet. But I can't go on living for her at the expense of myself if she isn't willing to do that for me. The longer this goes on, the worse I get. I never saw it before but it's been turning me into another person for years. This isn't who I want to be and I had been burying myself this whole time. It's not about what I get out of it. It's about what she's not willing to give. I'm happy to be a pushover for someone who loves me and cares about me enough to take my needs into consideration. I won't be a doormat for someone to use anymore. |
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 16, 2017 10:17:26 GMT -5
What I have learned is that it is very important to nurture and take care of myself. That's not selfish. One can't take care of anyone well if you are you let yourself go. I've also learn to stop basically being the universal tit. And I've learned to stop being a martyr and to stop being in relationships in which I do all of the giving. It's amazing how quickly dependent people can find new protectors.
It's possible for you to wish your wife well while also letting go. Think about it: Most women outlive their spouse by more than 6 years. The longer you take over her responsibilities, the harder it will be for her to learn those things, which she likely will have to do even if you never divorce.
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 16, 2017 10:22:11 GMT -5
My caring about people is not dependent on what they do for me...I care about people I have never personally met...I am highly empathetic...I am more than willing to take the knife if it prevents pain and hurt for other people. Nothing bothers me more than causing hurt to other people...I don't hate her for the lack of sex...and I still want to see her happy....that still brightens my day....but I guess that makes me look like a pushover to people here.... It's not that I don't care about her. I'm just done NOT caring about myself. I don't hate her for the lack of sex... yet. But I can't go on living for her at the expense of myself if she isn't willing to do that for me. The longer this goes on, the worse I get. I never saw it before but it's been turning me into another person for years. This isn't who I want to be and I had been burying myself this whole time. It's not about what I get out of it. It's about what she's not willing to give. I'm happy to be a pushover for someone who loves me and cares about me enough to take my needs into consideration. I won't be a doormat for someone to use anymore. I get what you are saying....I guess for me, marriage didn't change much. I had a house before her, still have one, just one more car to wash.... She buys groceries most of the time....I pay the bills....I don't feel that I had to give anything up or change due to marriage...I am always busy with projects, clean the house, take care of my sexual needs during alone time...just as I did for all those years before I got married...seems to just be more of the same old for me... But maybe the problem lies in that I didn't change with marriage.... |
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 16, 2017 10:32:27 GMT -5
What I have learned is that it is very important to nurture and take care of myself. That's not selfish. One can't take care of anyone well if you are you let yourself go. I've also learn to stop basically being the universal tit. And I've learned to stop being a martyr and to stop being in relationships in which I do all of the giving. It's amazing how quickly dependent people can find new protectors. It's possible for you to wish your wife well while also letting go. Think about it: Most women outlive their spouse by more than 6 years. The longer you take over her responsibilities, the harder it will be for her to learn those things, which she likely will have to do even if you never divorce. Oh marriage is going to drastically shortened my life...that's for sure...but given her health problems....I don't see her lasting terribly long either... I do what I need to do for me...I never changed that. And trust me, she won't learn to do the other things....she just won't. (Yes, you can just ignore every notice the bank sends you without even opening it, until it really goes bad and they knock on your door...she did before we married!) I am not a martyr...I still do my thing...I just don't get any, just the same as before I was married... |
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 16, 2017 10:37:56 GMT -5
What led you to marry her? What attracted you to her?
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