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Post by brian on Aug 10, 2017 7:22:47 GMT -5
He enjoys going to the movie theater and reading his phone while eating, have a nice night! Unbelievable! Truly! Now, don't get me wrong, I also enjoy those things (separately). But given the choice between that or any number of other things to do, especially WITH someone, I'll choose those other things every time. Comedy club, dinner theater, a good play/musical/concert, social outing at a bar, outdoor activity of your choice (really, most anything goes here for me), etc. What's on the agenda for today? Going to a vinyard in the afternoon for wine tasting and live entertainment because she enjoys her wine. Hopefully she'll enjoy the entertainment too, but I have little choice there. Afterwards, dinner at an Irish Pub nearby. I'm hoping the kids will be fine while we are gone. If we were at home, I wouldn't be concerned, but we are on vacation at the beach, so who knows how safe they will be without "adult" supervision. |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Aug 10, 2017 7:26:35 GMT -5
It still blows me away to come here and read that others have partners that avoid sex on anniversaries. In my iliasm selfcenterness i once imagined that it was only my stbx that thought so little of her partner so as to make anniversaries just like any other day. I suppose that i am lucky that she didn't decide to move furniture or have obsessive freakouts about money on those days, as that is what she seems to actually enjoy.
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Post by brian on Aug 13, 2017 6:08:38 GMT -5
Truly! Now, don't get me wrong, I also enjoy those things (separately). But given the choice between that or any number of other things to do, especially WITH someone, I'll choose those other things every time. Comedy club, dinner theater, a good play/musical/concert, social outing at a bar, outdoor activity of your choice (really, most anything goes here for me), etc. What's on the agenda for today? Going to a vinyard in the afternoon for wine tasting and live entertainment because she enjoys her wine. Hopefully she'll enjoy the entertainment too, but I have little choice there. Afterwards, dinner at an Irish Pub nearby. I'm hoping the kids will be fine while we are gone. If we were at home, I wouldn't be concerned, but we are on vacation at the beach, so who knows how safe they will be without "adult" supervision. I suppose a little update is in order... She enjoyed the vineyard. Had a nice time. Had a long talk too. She dropped a bombshell on me though... said that my behavior has changed in the last 6 months (it has) and that she thinks that I am setting a bad example for the kids by going out and drinking with coworkers after work once or twice a month. Suggested that I either Uber home or get a hotel for the night. She also mentioned that if I got a hotel room, that I could "invite a friend". However, we can't afford that twice monthly, so how about once every other month and other times I go out I limit myself to 1 drink as well as start bringing lunch to work from home. Wow! A free pass once every other month? I suppose she is finally coming around to realize that she is incapable of giving me what I want (someone who actually WANTS to have sex with me). Of course, what's running through my brain is that a "free pass" isn't really free... there is emotional baggage, risk, etc., but also that it goes right to the core of the matter that she doesn't want me, but does want me around -- enough so that she would be willing to let me have an AP to keep me around. It's a bit messed up, if you ask me. I found it a bit odd that she focused on my going out with my coworkers as the one change in behavior as I feel it's been way more than that. Maybe that's just the one thing that she feels she can address at the present time. Oh... and she nixed the Irish Pub idea for dinner and we settled for somewhere else. All good there. |
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Post by brian on Aug 13, 2017 6:09:55 GMT -5
Truly! Now, don't get me wrong, I also enjoy those things (separately). But given the choice between that or any number of other things to do, especially WITH someone, I'll choose those other things every time. Comedy club, dinner theater, a good play/musical/concert, social outing at a bar, outdoor activity of your choice (really, most anything goes here for me), etc. What's on the agenda for today? Going to a vinyard in the afternoon for wine tasting and live entertainment because she enjoys her wine. Hopefully she'll enjoy the entertainment too, but I have little choice there. Afterwards, dinner at an Irish Pub nearby. I'm hoping the kids will be fine while we are gone. If we were at home, I wouldn't be concerned, but we are on vacation at the beach, so who knows how safe they will be without "adult" supervision. I suppose a little update is in order... She enjoyed the vineyard. Had a nice time. Had a long talk too. She dropped a bombshell on me though... said that my behavior has changed in the last 6 months (it has) and that she thinks that I am setting a bad example for the kids by going out and drinking with coworkers after work once or twice a month. Suggested that I either Uber home or get a hotel for the night. She also mentioned that if I got a hotel room, that I could "invite a friend". However, we can't afford that twice monthly, so how about once every other month and other times I go out I limit myself to 1 drink as well as start bringing lunch to work from home. Wow! A free pass once every other month? I suppose she is finally coming around to realize that she is incapable of giving me what I want (someone who actually WANTS to have sex with me). Of course, what's running through my brain is that a "free pass" isn't really free... there is emotional baggage, risk, etc., but also that it goes right to the core of the matter that she doesn't want me, but does want me around -- enough so that she would be willing to let me have an AP to keep me around. It's a bit messed up, if you ask me. I found it a bit odd that she focused on my going out with my coworkers as the one change in behavior as I feel it's been way more than that. Maybe that's just the one thing that she feels she can address at the present time. Oh... and she nixed the Irish Pub idea for dinner and we settled for somewhere else. All good there. Forgot one thing... yeah, no sex. Not even a kiss, a touch, anything. Wasn't expecting it though... didn't even really want it after last year's "attempt". |
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 13, 2017 9:20:53 GMT -5
"Wow! A free pass once every other month? I suppose she is finally coming around to realize that she is incapable of giving me what I want (someone who actually WANTS to have sex with me)"
How long are you going to allow her to control your balls? You could choose to do what you want just like she does.
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Post by brian on Aug 13, 2017 9:32:35 GMT -5
"Wow! A free pass once every other month? I suppose she is finally coming around to realize that she is incapable of giving me what I want (someone who actually WANTS to have sex with me)" How long are you going to allow her to control your balls? You could choose to do what you want just like she does. LOL! Good point! That's the "change" she has noticed in the last 6 months... me making choices for myself. Problem is that there are kids that need to be considered, especially when my roommate travels (3 days a week). As the summer comes to a close and autumn sports ramp up, my responsibilities for "being around" while she is on a work trip become more. What she will start seeing is that when she is in town, I may very well be out with friends. As was said in another post (forget who, but it's a common saying), her chickens are coming home to roost! |
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 13, 2017 9:49:59 GMT -5
"What she will start seeing is that when she is in town, I may very well be out with friends."
When you go out with friends when she's in town. After all, you basically are roommates and coparents.
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Post by worksforme2 on Aug 13, 2017 10:39:42 GMT -5
Wow a hall pass a couple times a month. As a last ditch effort to keep my marriage going I proposed a FWB for me, to remove the pressure and stress of me constantly trying to f*ck her. She was of course adamantly against this. Had she been willing I might still be married.
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Post by jim44444 on Aug 13, 2017 11:24:41 GMT -5
"Wow! A free pass once every other month? I suppose she is finally coming around to realize that she is incapable of giving me what I want (someone who actually WANTS to have sex with me)" How long are you going to allow her to control your balls? You could choose to do what you want just like she does. LOL! Good point! That's the "change" she has noticed in the last 6 months... me making choices for myself. Problem is that there are kids that need to be considered, especially when my roommate travels (3 days a week). As the summer comes to a close and autumn sports ramp up, my responsibilities for "being around" while she is on a work trip become more. What she will start seeing is that when she is in town, I may very well be out with friends. As was said in another post (forget who, but it's a common saying), her chickens are coming home to roost! Pardon me for being a bit paranoid but if she is giving you a "free pass" then it is reasonable for her to assume she has a "free pass" when out of town. I think you are being setup. If you are OK with her having some adult fun on her work trips then take up the "free pass" option. But first negotiate the ground rules. |
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Post by wom360 on Aug 13, 2017 12:05:10 GMT -5
Yup. A free pass to see hookers* every other month and she is gone every week? Methinks you're being had. I imagine she's already having her fun.
*her mention of the amount you can afford leads me to believe she expects you to hire a pro.
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Post by brian on Aug 13, 2017 13:52:01 GMT -5
Yup. A free pass to see hookers* every other month and she is gone every week? Methinks you're being had. I imagine she's already having her fun. *her mention of the amount you can afford leads me to believe she expects you to hire a pro. Always a possibility that she is having her fun. I have considered that possibility for years. I don't believe so, and she vehemently denies it as a possibility when it's brought up, but the thought has always been there. As for the affordability, can't bring 'em home (kids), so it's a hotel. Can only afford so many of those before renting a cheap apartment becomes more economical. But how many women want to go to "his place" for a romp? |
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Post by h on Aug 13, 2017 14:06:17 GMT -5
If she's serious about this, I would have her put it in writing. She could be setting you up just to get proof of infidelity for a more favorable divorce settlement...
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 13, 2017 14:19:24 GMT -5
I'd bet she is already having adult fun in her trips..
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 13, 2017 14:42:03 GMT -5
I'll take a different approach. If it means nothing to her, then WTH is she to regulate anything!! She is STILL controlling something she has no control over? That's messed up!
There's no FREE in your FREEDOM. And what would happen If you turned the tables? Gave her a curfew, placed a GPS on her, cancelled credit cards, emptied bank accounts, took away her driving privileges, etc...?
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Aug 13, 2017 21:27:12 GMT -5
Yup this...its what I thought. Except a different twist. If she makes more money, maybe hire a PI to get proof and then you have a golden ticket. What you do with that ticket is up to you. Yup. A free pass to see hookers* every other month and she is gone every week? Methinks you're being had. I imagine she's already having her fun. *her mention of the amount you can afford leads me to believe she expects you to hire a pro. |
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