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Post by JMX on Aug 15, 2017 22:16:40 GMT -5
Watch out, love - the IRS will slap a lien on your house! If that's true, I guess homelessness is in my future. Doesn't have to be! Promise! |
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 15, 2017 22:23:14 GMT -5
Oh yeah, forgot about the IRS, and the state of California… He cashed out a retirement account and had some debt discharged in 2016… So, I set up payment plans with both, and he has no money to contribute to the payments… Awesome. Now, I thought he has income...? That means he's got ability to pay his debts. Until his debts are paid, his income shouldn't be "his" to blow. Seriously, even if you can't stomach the idea of divorcing this guy, you *need* a legal financial separation. He is actively dragging you under - 100% of his debt is shared debt, and if he can't pay they'll come looking for you instead. Where the money has gone is not your primary concern - that damage is done. Likewise, you're already on the hook for 100% of the outstanding debt. You need to stop the hemorrhaging first with a financial separation. Then sort out how the debt is going to be serviced. And finally, investigating what the hell happened. I think the best you could hope for out of this is that he gets 0% of the assets (including his retirement), on the basis that he has squandered and left you in debt. And ideally, he gets a court-ordered spousal maintenance to help you clean up the mess. (Court-ordered being important because it has more teeth when [not if] he stiffs you on payments.) |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 15, 2017 22:33:02 GMT -5
Oh yeah, forgot about the IRS, and the state of California… He cashed out a retirement account and had some debt discharged in 2016… So, I set up payment plans with both, and he has no money to contribute to the payments… Awesome. Now, I thought he has income...? That means he's got ability to pay his debts. Until his debts are paid, his income shouldn't be "his" to blow. Seriously, even if you can't stomach the idea of divorcing this guy, you *need* a legal financial separation. He is actively dragging you under - 100% of his debt is shared debt, and if he can't pay they'll come looking for you instead. Where the money has gone is not your primary concern - that damage is done. Likewise, you're already on the hook for 100% of the outstanding debt. You need to stop the hemorrhaging first with a financial separation. Then sort out how the debt is going to be serviced. And finally, investigating what the hell happened. I think the best you could hope for out of this is that he gets 0% of the assets (including his retirement), on the basis that he has squandered and left you in debt. And ideally, he gets a court-ordered spousal maintenance to help you clean up the mess. (Court-ordered being important because it has more teeth when [not if] he stiffs you on payments.) Yeah, not sure if that will fly since, technically, I'm the higher paid spouse. |
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 15, 2017 22:38:12 GMT -5
Yeah, not sure if that will fly since, technically, I'm the higher paid spouse. I get that. It's where an experienced lawyer comes into the picture and advises you. A case could be made that he's blown his half of the assets, which is the basis of my comments. Your lawyer would have to advise if that'd hold water in your jurisdiction. Please go see one. Standard lawyer recommendation: In many jurisdictions, lawyers offer an initial meeting for free. Meet with 3 of them. Your questions will get better with each one, and by the last one you'll have a better idea how to gauge which personality will best fit with you. In your case, I recommend finding a mean S.O.B. lawyer and turning them loose, but that's your call. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 15, 2017 22:44:45 GMT -5
Yeah, not sure if that will fly since, technically, I'm the higher paid spouse. I get that. It's where an experienced lawyer comes into the picture and advises you. A case could be made that he's blown his half of the assets, which is the basis of my comments. Your lawyer would have to advise if that'd hold water in your jurisdiction. Please go see one. Standard lawyer recommendation: In many jurisdictions, lawyers offer an initial meeting for free. Meet with 3 of them. Your questions will get better with each one, and by the last one you'll have a better idea how to gauge which personality will best fit with you. In your case, I recommend finding a mean S.O.B. lawyer and turning them loose, but that's your call. Thank you. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 15, 2017 22:54:30 GMT -5
Argh. I identify with your story - not NOW as much but it's still there. The "feels" are still raw and are coming up more and more. Long story short / I was three appointments deep with my third lawyer. Last year. I could not pull the trigger. Some days, I wish I had pulled the trigger. My husband has a good job now. I have an amazing job now. I have already made 3x as much of his salary. I will probably finish the year 4x. This is not a problem on it's own. I wouldn't care in any other situation. But, I have a man, that could care less about me sexually - that enjoys the fact that I take care of EVERYTHING. I am not kidding. Everything. My kids get as much of their momma as they can, they also get a lot of their grandma (my momma). My husband doesn't fill out school reports and forms, he has no clue their schedules for extracurricular, has no idea on their grades. I do all of that. Add to that, family birthdays, including his family and the mental fry of organizing chores, household bills, homework and whatnot. I do everything. He comes home, checks out because of his work day (mine are tough too) and checks out of life. Recently, his obsession has been boats. He looks them up on Craigslist, learns how to fix them on YouTube. He is obsessed. We're not quite out of debt yet. We owe IRS, then my parents and then his. It will take a bit to get out of - but I will pay everyone back. He wants a boat. Now. Before we're out of debt. I am disheartened. Not because I didn't expect this, but because of the timing. I respect him even less now. I believed he cared about paying people back. The IRS, my parents, his parents. But he wants a boat. He does not handle our bills, so he knows not. In 6 months - everyone will be paid off. Because of me. Then he can buy a boat. Then, I will ask him to leave, with his boat and leave me the house. Win, win! Good luck with your parasite. Sincerely, good luck. I love hearing about your success with your career. I look forward to hearing about more progress with happiness in all other aspects of life too! Now, about that boat.....I've got to tell you ,I meet with several men every Wed. Doctors and business owners. They all own houses on the river, and/or live on yachts and own boats. One of them his son owns and operates several shrimping boats. The horror stories, about money thrown into a sink hole!!! The one I like to hear from the most is a retired Coast Guard Captain. He owns a kayak. That's it. He swears he will NEVER own a boat!!! That old saying seems so true, "what are the two happiest days in a mans life? The day he buys his boat, and the day he sells it!" |
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 15, 2017 22:56:05 GMT -5
"A boat is a hole in the water that you throw money into."
And if you think that's bad, airplanes are 10x worse.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 16, 2017 9:49:16 GMT -5
Argh. I identify with your story - not NOW as much but it's still there. The "feels" are still raw and are coming up more and more. Long story short / I was three appointments deep with my third lawyer. Last year. I could not pull the trigger. Some days, I wish I had pulled the trigger. My husband has a good job now. I have an amazing job now. I have already made 3x as much of his salary. I will probably finish the year 4x. This is not a problem on it's own. I wouldn't care in any other situation. But, I have a man, that could care less about me sexually - that enjoys the fact that I take care of EVERYTHING. I am not kidding. Everything. My kids get as much of their momma as they can, they also get a lot of their grandma (my momma). My husband doesn't fill out school reports and forms, he has no clue their schedules for extracurricular, has no idea on their grades. I do all of that. Add to that, family birthdays, including his family and the mental fry of organizing chores, household bills, homework and whatnot. I do everything. He comes home, checks out because of his work day (mine are tough too) and checks out of life. Recently, his obsession has been boats. He looks them up on Craigslist, learns how to fix them on YouTube. He is obsessed. We're not quite out of debt yet. We owe IRS, then my parents and then his. It will take a bit to get out of - but I will pay everyone back. He wants a boat. Now. Before we're out of debt. I am disheartened. Not because I didn't expect this, but because of the timing. I respect him even less now. I believed he cared about paying people back. The IRS, my parents, his parents. But he wants a boat. He does not handle our bills, so he knows not. In 6 months - everyone will be paid off. Because of me. Then he can buy a boat. Then, I will ask him to leave, with his boat and leave me the house. Win, win! Good luck with your parasite. Sincerely, good luck. I love hearing about your success with your career. I look forward to hearing about more progress with happiness in all other aspects of life too! Now, about that boat.....I've got to tell you ,I meet with several men every Wed. Doctors and business owners. They all own houses on the river, and/or live on yachts and own boats. One of them his son owns and operates several shrimping boats. The horror stories, about money thrown into a sink hole!!! The one I like to hear from the most is a retired Coast Guard Captain. He owns a kayak. That's it. He swears he will NEVER own a boat!!! That old saying seems so true, "what are the two happiest days in a mans life? The day he buys his boat, and the day he sells it!" I want a kayak! |
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