Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 8, 2017 20:45:45 GMT -5
I have to be a bit careful, I think. Should my husband find out I've posted here, it could be bad.
I work for a company that assists others with their finances. One of the conditions for employment is management of personal finances.
2009 - I complete my first year on the job, making good money for the first time. Everything is going well, though we do have quite a bit of debt from the early years of our marriage.
2010 - Husband comes to me in June and says "I can't afford to pay the mortgage this month" (he has summers off). I can't cover it all with my salary either, and we're in one of those horrible pick-a-pay mortgages that World Savings, I mean Wachovia, I mean Wells Fargo holds. We also have a second mortgage husband talked me into taking out in 2005 to pay off bills (after which he personally withdrew almost $100K; to this date he can't remember where the money went). I panic.
July-August 2010 - We can't pay our mortgage, which is, luckily, not through my employer. I am more and more stressed by the day. He seems less so. I finally drain my retirement account from my old job to get us caught up and buy a new washer and dryer. Husband says, "Thank you" and that's that. We start the modification process, which involves sending the same paperwork to Wells over, and over, and over, and...
May 2011 - After being 2 months behind (and receiving scary letters in the mail month after month but never getting an official notice) for almost a year, we are approved for a modification. One catch: the interest rate starts at 2% and steps up every year until it hits 5.75% at year 5. We promise each other we'll refinance before it gets that high.
2012 - Never mind; we end up a month behind again. Also, husband begins handing me the electric bill, cell phone, internet, etc and says, "You gotta pay this; I don't have any money". And I buy 95% of the groceries. We are also fighting constantly. It's around this time that I discover the message board post about how he's decided I'm "too self-absorbed" for him to be attracted to me. I consult with a lawyer, who suggests that divorce will be very difficult in my situation.
2013 - 2015 - Just treading water. Work goes like gangbusters but my personal life is a mess. I make a friend at the office, who only knows the story about how husband wouldn't take me to the ER after I broke my arm a couple of years prior, and a few other minor things, tells me I'm "stupid" for staying married.
Also, during one of these years, I discover the second mortgage that husband had offered to take on hasn't been paid in over six months and is charged off.
2015 - I have a death in the family and inherit some money, which I used part of to get us caught up on the first mortgage. The second is listed on the credit report as being closed and we don't know who currently handles it. Meanwhile, I am still paying half the first mortgage, plus all the other bills, and every time we go anywhere or do anything, I pay.
June 2015 - Husband screams at me during a fight over a movie and I move in temporarily with my mom. Peace at last!
August 2015 - Husband has a nervous breakdown. Sends me 200+
scary texts in one day (I have the cops check on him; he thinks it's funny). He loses 30 lbs in 3 weeks, begins showing up at my mom's all the time (she lets him hang out while I'm not there or sends him upstairs to find me). He finally wears me down until I agree to "be a family again" one more time.
2016 - We begin marriage counseling. At first, he pays half. After a few months though, he decides I have to pay every time. The counselor knows about our finances and is very diplomatic, saying, "I can tell you guys want the same things..."
2017 - So far this year, he's bought a new car without my input, still has me paying almost all the bills as well as half the mortgage and I'm the "sugar mama" almost whenever we go anywhere. I have a rental house that I inherited that provides additional income - it almost all goes to bills and groceries. Husband gets paid the 30th or the 31st of every month and is always broke around the 10th of the following month (our base salaries not counting the rental are almost exactly the same; I cover medical and dental for the whole family).
About a month or two ago, he decided to try the refinance the first mortgage and was SHOCKED when the second came up on the credit report. He asked me if I remembered why he quit paying it. I do not know what his thought process was.
Kudos to you if you made it through all this. Most of you will probably tell me to file bankruptcy (there goes my career) or sell the house (there goes the family home). A week or two ago, we got into a fight because he'd wanted me to take out a HELOC on my rental (which is in my name only) to pay off the second. Even if I wanted to, I don't qualify for any loan of any kind. He couldn't understand.
I, personally, don't handle people's money so there's that. I could sit in limbo for a few more years. Or...? I don't know.
Thank you for reading.
I work for a company that assists others with their finances. One of the conditions for employment is management of personal finances.
2009 - I complete my first year on the job, making good money for the first time. Everything is going well, though we do have quite a bit of debt from the early years of our marriage.
2010 - Husband comes to me in June and says "I can't afford to pay the mortgage this month" (he has summers off). I can't cover it all with my salary either, and we're in one of those horrible pick-a-pay mortgages that World Savings, I mean Wachovia, I mean Wells Fargo holds. We also have a second mortgage husband talked me into taking out in 2005 to pay off bills (after which he personally withdrew almost $100K; to this date he can't remember where the money went). I panic.
July-August 2010 - We can't pay our mortgage, which is, luckily, not through my employer. I am more and more stressed by the day. He seems less so. I finally drain my retirement account from my old job to get us caught up and buy a new washer and dryer. Husband says, "Thank you" and that's that. We start the modification process, which involves sending the same paperwork to Wells over, and over, and over, and...
May 2011 - After being 2 months behind (and receiving scary letters in the mail month after month but never getting an official notice) for almost a year, we are approved for a modification. One catch: the interest rate starts at 2% and steps up every year until it hits 5.75% at year 5. We promise each other we'll refinance before it gets that high.
2012 - Never mind; we end up a month behind again. Also, husband begins handing me the electric bill, cell phone, internet, etc and says, "You gotta pay this; I don't have any money". And I buy 95% of the groceries. We are also fighting constantly. It's around this time that I discover the message board post about how he's decided I'm "too self-absorbed" for him to be attracted to me. I consult with a lawyer, who suggests that divorce will be very difficult in my situation.
2013 - 2015 - Just treading water. Work goes like gangbusters but my personal life is a mess. I make a friend at the office, who only knows the story about how husband wouldn't take me to the ER after I broke my arm a couple of years prior, and a few other minor things, tells me I'm "stupid" for staying married.
Also, during one of these years, I discover the second mortgage that husband had offered to take on hasn't been paid in over six months and is charged off.
2015 - I have a death in the family and inherit some money, which I used part of to get us caught up on the first mortgage. The second is listed on the credit report as being closed and we don't know who currently handles it. Meanwhile, I am still paying half the first mortgage, plus all the other bills, and every time we go anywhere or do anything, I pay.
June 2015 - Husband screams at me during a fight over a movie and I move in temporarily with my mom. Peace at last!
August 2015 - Husband has a nervous breakdown. Sends me 200+
scary texts in one day (I have the cops check on him; he thinks it's funny). He loses 30 lbs in 3 weeks, begins showing up at my mom's all the time (she lets him hang out while I'm not there or sends him upstairs to find me). He finally wears me down until I agree to "be a family again" one more time.
2016 - We begin marriage counseling. At first, he pays half. After a few months though, he decides I have to pay every time. The counselor knows about our finances and is very diplomatic, saying, "I can tell you guys want the same things..."
2017 - So far this year, he's bought a new car without my input, still has me paying almost all the bills as well as half the mortgage and I'm the "sugar mama" almost whenever we go anywhere. I have a rental house that I inherited that provides additional income - it almost all goes to bills and groceries. Husband gets paid the 30th or the 31st of every month and is always broke around the 10th of the following month (our base salaries not counting the rental are almost exactly the same; I cover medical and dental for the whole family).
About a month or two ago, he decided to try the refinance the first mortgage and was SHOCKED when the second came up on the credit report. He asked me if I remembered why he quit paying it. I do not know what his thought process was.
Kudos to you if you made it through all this. Most of you will probably tell me to file bankruptcy (there goes my career) or sell the house (there goes the family home). A week or two ago, we got into a fight because he'd wanted me to take out a HELOC on my rental (which is in my name only) to pay off the second. Even if I wanted to, I don't qualify for any loan of any kind. He couldn't understand.
I, personally, don't handle people's money so there's that. I could sit in limbo for a few more years. Or...? I don't know.
Thank you for reading.
