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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 6, 2017 23:59:13 GMT -5
We just spent an all-day, paid for day at a huge amusement park at my company's expense. I've been at this job almost 9 years and the perks are amazing! Here's how it went down;
1. Husbabd's road rage on the way down. We hit quite a bit of traffic and got there later than we'd wanted (though it's not a thing with a set start time). Halfway there, he says, "From here on, if we're gonna be this late, I don't wanna go!"
2. We arrive and I say hello to coworkers. He barely acknowledges them, despite having hung out with them socially, and takes off to get food. When he comes back, he sits away from everyone else and stares at us.
3. My son and I decide to hang out a bit and play some games and chat. So husband takes off for good because he's bored.
4. We catch up and he had an agenda of what things he wants to do/see. All I want is to go on a couple of thrill rides. Husband is like, "Yeah, I wanna do this and this and this, and then you can go on some rides".
5. Son calls me ugly as a "joke" and I get upset. I tell husband, who says "Now you know what I deal with all the time! I need to spend less time with him! You need to give him consequences! He either need to go to counseling with us, or we need to stop going!!" I'm pretty sure a coworker overheard part of this exchange.
6. We go into a butterfly exhibit. He turns left and son and I turn right. He makes a comment after about how we weren't all together. I respond that we lost track of him (which is true).
7. Then I say that the mirrors they had up for us to check for butterflies made me feel fat. No response. I say something else about the mirrors. No response. I say something about something else, he responds. When I ask why, he flips out: "I think you look great, but you need to pay attention to ME!"
8. I go to get on a thrill ride across the park and he Informs me the two of them are staying where they are.
9. My phone goes dead while I'm in line. I ride the ride, get off, and find them waking toward me, husband looking pissed.
10. He makes a couple of snide comments in the car about how he wanted to go on thrill rides (he gets sick on rides).
11. We decide to grab dinner on the way home. I let him know what I'd like to order and we get what the kiddo wants too. When I'm in the restroom, husband orders more food than I was expecting. He asks me to pay the bill tonight and he'll get drinks on Thursday (our usual date night; we keep our finances separate). The bill, with tip, comes to more than $80. Husband says oops.
12. He's downstairs now watching GoT.
Did he have s good time? Who knows! And no thanks or appreciation for me for my contribution to the day.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 7, 2017 0:25:41 GMT -5
Tired + writing on a phone = a jumbled post. Sorry!
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Post by baza on Aug 7, 2017 2:20:47 GMT -5
Based on what you have said in this and your other posts about this bloke, he is seriously nuts.
That can't be real helpful as an environment for your kid in special ed.
Your July 12 post indicated that you actually left him - for a while - 2 years ago.
It might be timely to think seriously about leaving him for good.
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Post by petrushka on Aug 7, 2017 4:33:11 GMT -5
Some people go through life with their head up their own arse.
How can you expect them to respect anyone else, if they can't even see them?
If you walk away quietly, they'll probably not even notice.
(I have one or three t-shirts from that event in my chest of drawers).
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 7, 2017 6:30:39 GMT -5
What stood out in your story was that you spent a lot of time trying to include him and trying to get his support and affirmation. It is not your job to make him happy. It is your job to create a happy time for yourself and for your young kids. You could have let him sulk or bike by himself while you did what you and the kids wanted to do. Next time the company offers a fun opportunity, you could take the kids and go without your angry/unsociable/deadweight husband. You even could choose to dump his depressing ass permanently. It's your life. You are collaborating in creating your current unhappiness. You have other options.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2017 9:12:01 GMT -5
This post is a little harsher than I usually write but I figured this out some years ago and it's important to a situation like this. In order for someone to show respect to you they must first respect themselves. His issues are not your burden to fix and he's so far from a mature well-adjusted person that I doubt he'll ever find his way there with or without your help.
If counseling seems to be helping then that's great but distancing yourself from this kind of nonsense is the mature thing to do. No guilt is required on your part.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 7, 2017 11:07:55 GMT -5
Some people go through life with their head up their own arse. How can you expect them to respect anyone else, if they can't even see them? If you walk away quietly, they'll probably not even notice. (I have one or three t-shirts from that event in my chest of drawers). No, he'd notice. I came home from a party he knew I was going to on Friday night and I found him still awake, pacing. He informed me he couldn't sleep because I wasn't home (I walked in at 12:30, which is a pretty typical time for me to still be out and about on the weekend.) |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 7, 2017 11:08:46 GMT -5
Based on what you have said in this and your other posts about this bloke, he is seriously nuts. That can't be real helpful as an environment for your kid in special ed. Your July 12 post indicated that you actually left him - for a while - 2 years ago. It might be timely to think seriously about leaving him for good. Been thinking that lately myself. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 7, 2017 11:10:13 GMT -5
What stood out in your story was that you spent a lot of time trying to include him and trying to get his support and affirmation. It is not your job to make him happy. It is your job to create a happy time for yourself and for your young kids. You could have let him sulk or bike by himself while you did what you and the kids wanted to do. Next time the company offers a fun opportunity, you could take the kids and go without your angry/unsociable/deadweight husband. You even could choose to dump his depressing ass permanently. It's your life. You are collaborating in creating your current unhappiness. You have other options. The company will be sending out a survey of did wells and next times. I won't be attending next year so no next times for me. |
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Post by shamwow on Aug 7, 2017 14:47:44 GMT -5
We just spent an all-day, paid for day at a huge amusement park at my company's expense. I've been at this job almost 9 years and the perks are amazing! Here's how it went down; 1. Husbabd's road rage on the way down. We hit quite a bit of traffic and got there later than we'd wanted (though it's not a thing with a set start time). Halfway there, he says, "From here on, if we're gonna be this late, I don't wanna go!" 2. We arrive and I say hello to coworkers. He barely acknowledges them, despite having hung out with them socially, and takes off to get food. When he comes back, he sits away from everyone else and stares at us. 3. My son and I decide to hang out a bit and play some games and chat. So husband takes off for good because he's bored. 4. We catch up and he had an agenda of what things he wants to do/see. All I want is to go on a couple of thrill rides. Husband is like, "Yeah, I wanna do this and this and this, and then you can go on some rides". 5. Son calls me ugly as a "joke" and I get upset. I tell husband, who says "Now you know what I deal with all the time! I need to spend less time with him! You need to give him consequences! He either need to go to counseling with us, or we need to stop going!!" I'm pretty sure a coworker overheard part of this exchange. 6. We go into a butterfly exhibit. He turns left and son and I turn right. He makes a comment after about how we weren't all together. I respond that we lost track of him (which is true). 7. Then I say that the mirrors they had up for us to check for butterflies made me feel fat. No response. I say something else about the mirrors. No response. I say something about something else, he responds. When I ask why, he flips out: "I think you look great, but you need to pay attention to ME!" 8. I go to get on a thrill ride across the park and he Informs me the two of them are staying where they are. 9. My phone goes dead while I'm in line. I ride the ride, get off, and find them waking toward me, husband looking pissed. 10. He makes a couple of snide comments in the car about how he wanted to go on thrill rides (he gets sick on rides). 11. We decide to grab dinner on the way home. I let him know what I'd like to order and we get what the kiddo wants too. When I'm in the restroom, husband orders more food than I was expecting. He asks me to pay the bill tonight and he'll get drinks on Thursday (our usual date night; we keep our finances separate). The bill, with tip, comes to more than $80. Husband says oops. 12. He's downstairs now watching GoT. Did he have s good time? Who knows! And no thanks or appreciation for me for my contribution to the day. Just my 2 cents... #1 - Sounds like he didn't want to go anyway. #2 - See #1 #3 - See #1 #4 - Kinda selfish on his part. #5 - I'm not sure "consequences" are appropriate, but explaining how that is inappropriate (and maybe a bit mean even if joking) is what you should do. You don't need your husband's permission to explain this to your son. #6 - It's not your job to keep track of him. You hung onto the kid. Priorities right. #7 - "makes me feel fat". I wouldn't have touched this with a 10 foot pole. No good outcome has ever come from any man responsponding to this question in any manner. #8 - Fine...not sure I'd want to be with him either #9 - Phones die. Shit happens. But he wasn't pissed about that. He was just being pissy. #10 - Then he should have stopped whining like a bitch and gone on the rides. That's on him #11 - Separate finances? Then why not separate checks? #12 - GoT! I am behind....  My take is that you both probably "contributed to the day", and not in a good way. More than likely, he started off in a shitty mood, and, let's face it, you probably didn't like it all that much. I might be going on a limb, but I suspect you weren't cheer and sunshine either (understandable). I'd just chalk it up to a shitty day. I just hope this is not a typical one. If so, that just sucks all the joy out of life. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 7, 2017 15:39:15 GMT -5
We just spent an all-day, paid for day at a huge amusement park at my company's expense. I've been at this job almost 9 years and the perks are amazing! Here's how it went down; 1. Husbabd's road rage on the way down. We hit quite a bit of traffic and got there later than we'd wanted (though it's not a thing with a set start time). Halfway there, he says, "From here on, if we're gonna be this late, I don't wanna go!" 2. We arrive and I say hello to coworkers. He barely acknowledges them, despite having hung out with them socially, and takes off to get food. When he comes back, he sits away from everyone else and stares at us. 3. My son and I decide to hang out a bit and play some games and chat. So husband takes off for good because he's bored. 4. We catch up and he had an agenda of what things he wants to do/see. All I want is to go on a couple of thrill rides. Husband is like, "Yeah, I wanna do this and this and this, and then you can go on some rides". 5. Son calls me ugly as a "joke" and I get upset. I tell husband, who says "Now you know what I deal with all the time! I need to spend less time with him! You need to give him consequences! He either need to go to counseling with us, or we need to stop going!!" I'm pretty sure a coworker overheard part of this exchange. 6. We go into a butterfly exhibit. He turns left and son and I turn right. He makes a comment after about how we weren't all together. I respond that we lost track of him (which is true). 7. Then I say that the mirrors they had up for us to check for butterflies made me feel fat. No response. I say something else about the mirrors. No response. I say something about something else, he responds. When I ask why, he flips out: "I think you look great, but you need to pay attention to ME!" 8. I go to get on a thrill ride across the park and he Informs me the two of them are staying where they are. 9. My phone goes dead while I'm in line. I ride the ride, get off, and find them waking toward me, husband looking pissed. 10. He makes a couple of snide comments in the car about how he wanted to go on thrill rides (he gets sick on rides). 11. We decide to grab dinner on the way home. I let him know what I'd like to order and we get what the kiddo wants too. When I'm in the restroom, husband orders more food than I was expecting. He asks me to pay the bill tonight and he'll get drinks on Thursday (our usual date night; we keep our finances separate). The bill, with tip, comes to more than $80. Husband says oops. 12. He's downstairs now watching GoT. Did he have s good time? Who knows! And no thanks or appreciation for me for my contribution to the day. Just my 2 cents... #1 - Sounds like he didn't want to go anyway. #2 - See #1 #3 - See #1 #4 - Kinda selfish on his part. #5 - I'm not sure "consequences" are appropriate, but explaining how that is inappropriate (and maybe a bit mean even if joking) is what you should do. You don't need your husband's permission to explain this to your son. #6 - It's not your job to keep track of him. You hung onto the kid. Priorities right. #7 - "makes me feel fat". I wouldn't have touched this with a 10 foot pole. No good outcome has ever come from any man responsponding to this question in any manner. #8 - Fine...not sure I'd want to be with him either #9 - Phones die. Shit happens. But he wasn't pissed about that. He was just being pissy. #10 - Then he should have stopped whining like a bitch and gone on the rides. That's on him #11 - Separate finances? Then why not separate checks? #12 - GoT! I am behind.... My take is that you both probably "contributed to the day", and not in a good way. More than likely, he started off in a shitty mood, and, let's face it, you probably didn't like it all that much. I might be going on a limb, but I suspect you weren't cheer and sunshine either (understandable). I'd just chalk it up to a shitty day. I just hope this is not a typical one. If so, that just sucks all the joy out of life. More typical than you might think. I started out in a good mood, but ended up st the end of the night in not such a great one. The thrill ride was fun. When I told them about it, he didn't seem so thrilled (no pun intended). My work events go this way more often tys his for some reason. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 7, 2017 15:43:30 GMT -5
And I think there is a great response to #7 for both sexes and that is "You look sexy to me".
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Post by WindSister on Aug 8, 2017 11:21:36 GMT -5
And I think there is a great response to #7 for both sexes and that is "You look sexy to me". I know where you are coming from. When we are in a relationship that has a shaky foundation and we have a spouse that doesn't offer us encouragement freely, we fish for it. Speaking from experience, though, even if we get the compliment or validation we were fishing for in that situation, it doesn't feel good or fix anything. It's empty. The relationship foundation is still shaky, crumbling. The best we can do then is fix our OWN foundation, the core of us -- heal ourselves for ourselves. This will likely lead to getting out of the toxic environment eventually. It will be worth it. Work on receiving your own validation and believing it. When we do that we truly shine from the inside out. Sorry for the cheese fest -- I mean every word. Take care!! |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 8, 2017 17:26:42 GMT -5
And I think there is a great response to #7 for both sexes and that is "You look sexy to me". I know where you are coming from. When we are in a relationship that has a shaky foundation and we have a spouse that doesn't offer us encouragement freely, we fish for it. Speaking from experience, though, even if we get the compliment or validation we were fishing for in that situation, it doesn't feel good or fix anything. It's empty. The relationship foundation is still shaky, crumbling. The best we can do then is fix our OWN foundation, the core of us -- heal ourselves for ourselves. This will likely lead to getting out of the toxic environment eventually. It will be worth it. Work on receiving your own validation and believing it. When we do that we truly shine from the inside out. Sorry for the cheese fest -- I mean every word. Take care!! Thank you so much: I spent a lot of yesterday turning over in my mind (again) what I must have done wrong in order for life to have turned out this way. I know what you're saying about creating a strong foundation from within. The question is, at 43, is it too late? |
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Post by WindSister on Aug 8, 2017 21:46:23 GMT -5
I know where you are coming from. When we are in a relationship that has a shaky foundation and we have a spouse that doesn't offer us encouragement freely, we fish for it. Speaking from experience, though, even if we get the compliment or validation we were fishing for in that situation, it doesn't feel good or fix anything. It's empty. The relationship foundation is still shaky, crumbling. The best we can do then is fix our OWN foundation, the core of us -- heal ourselves for ourselves. This will likely lead to getting out of the toxic environment eventually. It will be worth it. Work on receiving your own validation and believing it. When we do that we truly shine from the inside out. Sorry for the cheese fest -- I mean every word. Take care!! Thank you so much: I spent a lot of yesterday turning over in my mind (again) what I must have done wrong in order for life to have turned out this way. I know what you're saying about creating a strong foundation from within. The question is, at 43, is it too late? The answer to that is HELL NO, it's not too late. Forties are an awesome decade. Embrace it, you'll never be this young again. I know, reality is tougher than feel good speeches, but it can be done. I did it. You can do it. |
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