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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 20, 2017 12:19:13 GMT -5
I used to be a lot more secretive about it, (username, incognito, making sure the screen shut off, etc.) Now, not so much, I still take precaution, but don't really try to hide it either. Would she be upset? yes, a lot of what I have said, I have told her, but not quite so bluntly. But, it might open discussion. Other things I have written about, such as the little bit of play I have had on the side, she would not take to very kindly, but probably wouldn't be surprised, as it seems to be something she expects. In a weird way, sometimes I feel she knows she is doing me wrong, but cant seem to get out of the loop. (or doesn't want to, and is waiting to catch me outsourcing, so I can be blamed legitimately) You can be Jesus, and she will still blame you for it! Fortunately more and more of society is getting divorced, was raised in a divorced family, knows a close friend who's been divorced. Society is going to hear her "blame game" and give her the silent look, the raised eye brow, asking " "why did he go to someone else, where were you?" |
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tori
Junior Member
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Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on Jul 20, 2017 17:19:34 GMT -5
I have made no secret of myself here. I haven't exactly sent my wife the url for this site, but she knows that I frequent an online SM forum. I don't even hide my name (I did on EP). I am who I am. I'm on here for me. If my roommate and legal spouse wants to check up on me here, so be it. But... I do have a complication. My vindictive, rebellious 14yr old son (kid 3 of 4), found me here, made a fake profile, and then sent me a private message: Need Some help you freak? Gotta love kids! That's mortifying and somewhat impressive. Kids these days 😳😳 |
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Post by JMX on Jul 20, 2017 22:22:34 GMT -5
My husband lacks curiosity for people in general and me in particular. I have told him about this site. I could care less if he reads anything I wrote/write. I have told him everything to his face. At couples' counselor this winter: H: she is a good writer, I want her to write. She never writes. Me: I have written plenty. You wouldn't like what I write about. <Awkward silence> We are in a much better place then we were, don't get me wrong. However, it would not bother me one iota if he ever read the most non-sensical, drunkest post I have ever written on EP or here. TBH / it would not even bother me if he read my private messages with friends and EAPs. Not even ones where I have poured my heart out, or put him on blast, or actually engaged in sexual banter. He knows exactly who I am, why I stay and what I am wrestling with every day. It would not be a shock. I am a little more careful now. I operate in a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" environment. But! He only doesn't ask because he doesn't care to know. Getting to that point, for me, was a game changer. I suspect many of you commenting here, should get to that point as well. I would guess 90% of our spouses could care less that we post here, would roll their eyes if they ever read it, and most likely would never let you know they did. |
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Post by brian on Jul 21, 2017 7:17:16 GMT -5
I have made no secret of myself here. I haven't exactly sent my wife the url for this site, but she knows that I frequent an online SM forum. I don't even hide my name (I did on EP). I am who I am. I'm on here for me. If my roommate and legal spouse wants to check up on me here, so be it. But... I do have a complication. My vindictive, rebellious 14yr old son (kid 3 of 4), found me here, made a fake profile, and then sent me a private message: Need Some help you freak? Gotta love kids! That's mortifying and somewhat impressive. Kids these days 😳😳 I never acknowledged even seeing it. Haven't mentioned it to anyone before. I have no desire to give him the pleasure of knowing that he pushed my buttons. Instead, I am hoping that he wondered if he sent it to the right person or not. He tried to hide his identity by using a name different than his own, but he didn't do a good enough job at it and I can see his real identity. |
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Post by lwoetin on Jul 21, 2017 7:52:50 GMT -5
That's mortifying and somewhat impressive. Kids these days 😳😳 I never acknowledged even seeing it. Haven't mentioned it to anyone before. I have no desire to give him the pleasure of knowing that he pushed my buttons. Instead, I am hoping that he wondered if he sent it to the right person or not. He tried to hide his identity by using a name different than his own, but he didn't do a good enough job at it and I can see his real identity. it's impressive that you can see his real identity. Anyway, these are just kids. It's summer and they got nothing better to do. My son, 13, has a headphone on all the time looking at YouTube and laughing at everything, hopefully he grows up someday. My kids have called me worst things they learn online. |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jul 21, 2017 8:03:51 GMT -5
I don't know how many of you are gifted with a relationship with a narcissist, but for my wife, if it isn't about her she will try to make it about her, and of she can't it just doesn't exist. I don't know why i bothered to worry about her finding out about anything that i do ...
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Post by lwoetin on Jul 21, 2017 8:06:02 GMT -5
She knows. I sometimes discuss posts or let her read posts from others here. She thinks we obsess about sex too much. She confided to our neighbor about our issues and the neighbor thinks someone here has cast a spell on me. Sexual people have such powers, I do agree.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 21, 2017 8:40:49 GMT -5
I don't know how many of you are gifted with a relationship with a narcissist, but for my wife, if it isn't about her she will try to make it about her, and of she can't it just doesn't exist. I don't know why i bothered to worry about her finding out about anything that i do ... Her one way street is paved with double standards. See that's just it. Even the things she could care less about are a problem. Because you don't handle it correctly, you say the wrong things, you didn't do it right,etc..... |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 21, 2017 8:42:41 GMT -5
And to answer the question, yes, I've imagined what would happen if my H found and read the forum. Fantasized might actually be a better word for it. I've imagined him finding it, devouring it as I have, and suddenly realizing the error of his ways. HA! That is NEVER going to happen. I suspect it is impossible for virtually everyone here. We've all tried to communicate these things in some way and been, in some way, dismissed. I can easily imagine the histrionics that would ensue if he actually did read it. He won't though, because it is not the black rifle forum. I never envisioned a behavior change on her part. Her issues go way deeper than giving a shit if I was unhappy with the state of our marriage. My happiness with our marriage was a secondary, tertiary, or (whatever the fuck comes after tertiary) concern. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2017 12:57:48 GMT -5
And to answer the question, yes, I've imagined what would happen if my H found and read the forum. Fantasized might actually be a better word for it. I've imagined him finding it, devouring it as I have, and suddenly realizing the error of his ways. HA! That is NEVER going to happen. I suspect it is impossible for virtually everyone here. We've all tried to communicate these things in some way and been, in some way, dismissed. I can easily imagine the histrionics that would ensue if he actually did read it. He won't though, because it is not the black rifle forum. I never envisioned a behavior change on her part. Her issues go way deeper than giving a shit if I was unhappy with the state of our marriage. My happiness with our marriage was a secondary, tertiary, or (whatever the fuck comes after tertiary) concern. Probably quaternary, but after that, don't ask me! And frankly, if you rank lower than that, the marriage is doomed anyway. |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 21, 2017 12:59:18 GMT -5
I never envisioned a behavior change on her part. Her issues go way deeper than giving a shit if I was unhappy with the state of our marriage. My happiness with our marriage was a secondary, tertiary, or (whatever the fuck comes after tertiary) concern. Probably quaternary, but after that, don't ask me! And frankly, if you rank lower than that, the marriage is doomed anyway. I believe you are correct. And my marriage is not doomed. It is over. Thank God. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2017 13:03:43 GMT -5
My husband lacks curiosity for people in general and me in particular. I have told him about this site. I could care less if he reads anything I wrote/write. This. My husband has pretty close to zero interest in me. He doesn't get me at all. I'm like a rare bird to him, and he hates birdwatching anyway. No patience or energy for it. And I'm also with novembercomingfire, most likely dealing with a narcissist. At best, H is a very self-involved man. He wouldn't take the time or interest to look for me here or anywhere online. Nor would he suspect me of it. I'm dead certain I could have a full-on affair and never be caught. Even if he suspected it, he lives in his own world, deep in denial about his problems and ours. In his mind, everything is GREAT! No sex for 9 months? He probably prefers porn anyway. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2017 13:04:33 GMT -5
Probably quaternary, but after that, don't ask me! And frankly, if you rank lower than that, the marriage is doomed anyway. I believe you are correct. And my marriage is not doomed. It is over. Thank God. Amen Shammy!!! Geez, you can (and should) celebrate that for the rest of your life! |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2017 13:10:54 GMT -5
My spouse would simply see it at further evidence of my being a "typical oversexed male". However, I consider it private space for me to vent and share a little now that i'm resigned to my life as an ascetic monk. What would she say if she knew at least half of us are women? |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 21, 2017 13:13:50 GMT -5
My spouse would simply see it at further evidence of my being a "typical oversexed male". However, I consider it private space for me to vent and share a little now that i'm resigned to my life as an ascetic monk. What would she say if she knew at least half of us are women? She would most likely view you as quite "un-ladylike" |
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