Does your other know?

Funny you should bring this up. After I started posting under my username of Bigbossfan, I thought to myself, shit.....what if she happens upon this forum and sees what I've written. (Bigbossfan is my forum name on most every forum I frequent....in relation to my obsession with Bruce Springsteen!)

Then I resigned myself to "I hope she does discover it". And does reading, lots of reading. And learns a thing or two!

While I was married i did not tell my ex about EP.
It was my safe place, my secret, my escape.
I don't think it would have changed things. He would have thought I was perverted and unladylike to be on such a site despite the fact i caught him on hornymatches.com
Bottom line the situation was what it was, he didn't want to fuck me so EP was my tool to figure out what I needed to do for my future. It was none of his business.

At first i had some anxiety that she would somehow find out and find me. Then on thinking about this more clearly, i realized that this was never going to happen as there would never be a way or reason that she would discover a sexless marriage board as she believes that marriages without sex are perfectly normal and desirable.

TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo, points for the ABBA reference. ;-) I owned that on vinyl.

I told my W that I found a SM forum and that I share. Which is why I don't have my profile pic any more. I don't want her finding out and killing my safe space.

I've been reading your story since you started posting here and this question sort of crystalized what I've been wanting to ask you about. As you post more, one theme has begun to really stand out to me. Silence. That deadly stifling silence of feeling desperate and wanting her to notice, wondering if she even cares, and no longer feeling able to reach out. Your post about riding in the car with your beautiful family on a perfect day, but still feeling lonely and distant felt so very familiar to me. I often have such conversations in my head, never to be spoken aloud.

You've mentioned that there are other toxic elements to the relationship. Have you tried to have those conversations only to be shut down or even punished for trying? That certainly seems to be a common experience, I just haven't heard you say much about it. I may be wrong in perceiving that silence is a major theme in your deal, but if it is then I wonder if you would be willing to expand on how you got there. 

Of course in the end the reasons may not matter. When you first started posting you seemed to see the situation as somewhat benign, and I can tell (I think you said it in another post) that your perception has changed a lot on that. Still, you seem to be one of the few here who actually had a really great sex life with your spouse for a long time. I can't imagine the grief and confusion you must have experienced when it started slipping away. 

And to answer the question, yes, I've imagined what would happen if my H found and read the forum. Fantasized might actually be a better word for it. I've imagined him finding it, devouring it as I have, and suddenly realizing the error of his ways. HA! That is NEVER going to happen. I suspect it is impossible for virtually everyone here. We've all tried to communicate these things in some way and been, in some way, dismissed. I can easily imagine the histrionics that would ensue if he actually did read it. He won't though, because it is not the black rifle forum.