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Post by h on Aug 5, 2017 19:29:07 GMT -5
Our anniversary just passed in the middle of last week. I got off work early and she had the day off. She had a picnic lunch packed when I got home and we spent the afternoon fishing. Played a round of mini golf after and went out to dinner. It was a nice day. Came home and had some mediocre sex that night. I know it was obligatory because she hasn't shown interest in me since. Checked the box. Obligation fulfilled... 😔
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 5, 2017 19:45:26 GMT -5
"3 hours ago johannesfactotum said:
I go out of my way to ignore, not forget, IGNORE anniversaries, her birthday, and Valentines' Day now. She gets nothing, not a card, not a single flower, not even a peck on the cheek from me on those days (or any other day for that matter). If she tries to lie and bullshit with friends and family about what we did or what she got from me on those days, I shut it down, hard! For at least the past two years, her friends and family are now aware of what a sham our marriage is and that she and I were just creating the illusion of a happy, successful marriage."
Sounds like a miserable atmosphere for any kids at home to be around. Even if you try to hide feeling such contempt for your spouse, your kids will pick up on it and think that's the way intimate relationships are supposed to be.
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johannesfactotum
Junior Member
Behold the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it and ye shall see that it is barren
Posts: 42 
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by johannesfactotum on Aug 5, 2017 20:22:37 GMT -5
"3 hours ago johannesfactotum said: I go out of my way to ignore, not forget, IGNORE anniversaries, her birthday, and Valentines' Day now. She gets nothing, not a card, not a single flower, not even a peck on the cheek from me on those days (or any other day for that matter). If she tries to lie and bullshit with friends and family about what we did or what she got from me on those days, I shut it down, hard! For at least the past two years, her friends and family are now aware of what a sham our marriage is and that she and I were just creating the illusion of a happy, successful marriage." Sounds like a miserable atmosphere for any kids at home to be around. Even if you try to hide feeling such contempt for your spouse, your kids will pick up on it and think that's the way intimate relationships are supposed to be. The problem is, I do have nothing but contempt for her as a spouse and a person and there's no way I can pretend otherwise. And lets not forget, this is a two-way street; she showed little affection for me except for bullshit lies to her family and friends and on social media. I will not celebrate anniversaries or Valentine's Day or her birthday because for me there is nothing to celebrate. That's why I want to jump ship as soon as feasibly possible instead of staying until the kids are grown, as I originally planned. At this point, I don't think our kids are miserable. They are happy, affectionate children who, as far as I can tell, are oblivious to our marital problems. We don't argue in front of them; we hardly argue at all, except on rare occasions, because our marriage is over and I don't care enough to argue about it. I don't argue with her about sex because 1) it won't make any difference and 2) I feel nothing for her at all anyway. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 5, 2017 20:25:44 GMT -5
Our anniversary just passed in the middle of last week. I got off work early and she had the day off. She had a picnic lunch packed when I got home and we spent the afternoon fishing. Played a round of mini golf after and went out to dinner. It was a nice day. Came home and had some mediocre sex that night. I know it was obligatory because she hasn't shown interest in me since. Checked the box. Obligation fulfilled... 😔 I have to wonder what that 's like, for the both of you? You: wondering, hoping, planning for sex at the end of the day. Trying to make it a peaceful yet enjoyable day. Her: cautious, nervous, anxious, skeptical, putting on a fake mask, watching the clock, and worried about the sex at the end of the day. How do two people call that an open trusting, honest relationship? None of this may be true, but that's what it would seem to be like from an outsiders perspective? That doesn't sound like much of a foundation to build on, does it? |
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Post by h on Aug 5, 2017 21:05:19 GMT -5
Our anniversary just passed in the middle of last week. I got off work early and she had the day off. She had a picnic lunch packed when I got home and we spent the afternoon fishing. Played a round of mini golf after and went out to dinner. It was a nice day. Came home and had some mediocre sex that night. I know it was obligatory because she hasn't shown interest in me since. Checked the box. Obligation fulfilled... 😔 I have to wonder what that 's like, for the both of you? You: wondering, hoping, planning for sex at the end of the day. Trying to make it a peaceful yet enjoyable day. Her: cautious, nervous, anxious, skeptical, putting on a fake mask, watching the clock, and worried about the sex at the end of the day. How do two people call that an open trusting, honest relationship? None of this may be true, but that's what it would seem to be like from an outsiders perspective? That doesn't sound like much of a foundation to build on, does it? For me, I wasn't expecting sex at all. Usually if any kind of activities are planned, I expect her to be too tired for sex to happen. It was a semi nice surprise but nothing really special. I no longer have any expectations from her. I've been doing my part for 9 years. I'm waiting for her to catch up now. We had a nice day together and I'll take what I can get but it was just nice, not great. I can't read her mind but I suspect that she wasn't really thinking about sex through the day and only as an afterthought when we got home. More like "I guess we're both awake and it's a special occasion so I better do something or it will just get brought up tomorrow..." She knows I'm not happy with the situation from our many recent talks. She doesn't want to lose me and no sex on an anniversary (when sex is almost universally expected) would be a bad choice. I agree it's not much of a foundation to build on but I'm giving her a chance to make a better foundation. I have told her what I expect and what I need to be happy. If she doesn't show significant progress before my self imposed time limit runs out, I'll have my answer. |
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Post by baza on Aug 5, 2017 23:25:12 GMT -5
Disclaimer
I don't value "vows" or "promises" or "social conventions" very highly, in fact I regard them as a pretty useless commodity.
And people - generally - ignore them if they don't suit them anyway.
And I'm guilty of that myself
However, to help out Brother @neonspace (and hopefully to get a cheap laugh) here's some stuff to include in the vows section of a wedding ceremony.
"With this ring - that together with everything else has put me $54,213 in the hole - I thee wed"
"With these toasters you have all given as gifts, I promise to take to Cash Converters and spend the proceeds on weed"
"With my body, I shall fuck the best man / bridesmaid (or both) after the speeches at the reception"
"With my farcebook page, I shall paint a picture of marital bliss irrespective of the reality"
"With my formidable calico panties I shall bar access to my private parts (apart from the best man / bridesmaid - see above)"
"With my voice, I shall loudly attest to the fact that "everything is great bar the sex"
"With my internet connection, I shall be madly googling "sexless marriage" within a couple of months"
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Post by neonspace on Aug 6, 2017 7:54:41 GMT -5
Re-Wedding Crashers. LOL. The ILIASM edition.
I like it.
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Post by csl on Aug 6, 2017 16:50:23 GMT -5
Our 25th is coming up in 8 months or so and about a week ago W was suggesting destinations and activities and said she would like to renew our vows. LOL! She was willing to negotiate on destinations and activities but the vow renewals were the one thing she insisted on. I'm not sure if she wants to do it for the audiences benefit so she has pictures to post on Facebook to keep the facade going or if it is just part of the continued mindfuckery or if she has herself believing things are just great. My hero is the guy who responded to his wife's request to renew their vows for their 20th in Hawaii. When she approached him, his immediate response was "What have we got that's worth celebrating?" Of course WWIII broke out, but by then, he didn't care. "Renewals were the one thing she insisted on?" Did she have you in a headlock? Did she threaten to hold her breath until her face turned blue? Please tell me why this is a must, she will cut you off in the bedroom? Here's an idea for a counter-offer--no vows, but separate vacations. |
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 9, 2017 22:09:59 GMT -5
Standing in Publix picking out a card. Why do they all have to be such mushy sappy lies? Why can't there be one that just says "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY" with some flowers and is blank inside? But NO! Not here. I hope she forgets. Then I can rip up this sappy card and keep whatever gift card I put inside. "I found this highly amusing: Like a moron I put the gift card in the console in my car. Not exactly in plain view, but visible. On the way to Sunday lunch the W sees the gift card. "What's this for?" (Uh oh, busted!) "It's a surprise." (Later to become known as hint #1) Boy this pissed her off that I wouldn't tell her what it was for. I decided to have a bit of fun with this. Today was the big day. This morning I did not breathe a word of what day today is. Our rings have the wedding date engraved on the inside. I took mine off to verify I had the right date. When she got home this evening I had dinner about half done. The envelope was sitting on the table w/ her name on it. (hint #2) "What's this for?" "For old time's sake." (Hint #3) She leaves it on the table and starts a load of laundry. We have dinner with the kids. After dinner she opens the card. It takes several moments to process "Happy Anniversary," but eventually she says "Is today really our anniversary?" "I'm not exactly sure, but I think so" with a grin. So she takes off her ring and confirms it. This was so much more fun than being pissed at her. She did fully meet my expectations, after all. 😄 She then told the kids "I owe daddy big now" Maybe I'll get 2 gift cards." I've seen the refused post similar things before. For example, one woman said she was going to try every night something different to seduce her husband. She said she knew that whatever she tried, he would refuse. And that's exactly what happened. She tried sexy nightgowns, offering blow jobs and other things. He turned down each one. She posted that her experiment came out exactly as she had expected. She claimed to find it funny. I found her post heartbreaking just like I find yours. It is very painful to see someone who insists on lavishing love on a partner who very clearly doesn't give a damn, at most regarding the marriage as a financial or child-rearing convenience. " |
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Post by baza on Aug 9, 2017 22:29:47 GMT -5
To be honest Brother itme , it comes across as a tad passive aggressive to me. I ought add that I may be projecting, as I used to do a great line at times in passive aggression in my deal back in the day. It helped me cope, but it didn't do anything to bring the situation to resolution. |
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