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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2017 22:00:09 GMT -5
How upset would you be? I feel like I should be more upset but I'm having a hard time caring much. It hurts a little, but mostly, it's just par for the course. I'm married to a man who'd rather not be bothered with marriage (and certainly not sex).
This is the 2nd one in a few years that's been forgotten. The last time was 2 years ago and H forgot until I reminded him midday. He got mad about the way I did it (there's no right way for me to point out that my husband has made a mistake) and then bought me a nice bracelet.
This year, I didn't even bother to remind him. Why? Just why? If anything, it seems like I'm getting some much needed clarity about my marriage and its (increasingly certain) demise.
I've got one more year in a 4 year plan. I can do this. Right??
Now wish me happy anniversary!! 😂
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 2, 2017 22:08:05 GMT -5
Happy anniversary, @elle! The dud doesn't deserve your hotness. ;-)
How upset would I be? I suppose it depends on whether I was hoping for recovery or separation. He isn't scoring any points toward turning things around. Maybe it's a sign that he's resigned himself to failure?
Or, maybe he's playing a game to see if you acknowledge the date first before he responds. I suppose if you left him a card at the end of the day, you'd know if he had anything in store because he wouldn't have time to go grab something at the gas station...
Sorry, this stage sucks.
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Post by baza on Jul 2, 2017 22:20:36 GMT -5
So you are 3 years in to a 4 year plan Sister @elle
How is the trajectory looking?
Have you met your targets at years 3 and 2 thus far ?
If you have, then you are probably in good shape to exit.
This anniversary amnesia shit is just a side-bar.
Of no import in the bigger picture.
He's a dud, you've known that for ages. It ain't news.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2017 22:29:32 GMT -5
True baza. I have hit all my markers so far. This is just another. I guess, since he told me last fall that he would "win me back" over the coming 2 years, I had some expectations that he would try a little harder. Honestly, why even say that bullshit? I don't get it. "Win me back" my foot!! DryCreek, a card has been left for him in a place he may find it tomorrow. I'm wondering his reaction. See, it's not like I can tell him he missed it because that would make him angry. I spend far too much time editing what I say and do for fear of making him angry. |
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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Jul 2, 2017 22:45:19 GMT -5
My anniversary has no real meaning anymore. Mine was about a month ago, we did nothing. I got her a card and a gift, she got me nothing and said "You know I'm not the sentimental type."
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 2, 2017 22:49:40 GMT -5
Honey! You can do this!!
Try not to be too emotional about the anniversary, at least you didn't have to pretend celebrate a farce. I did that so many years.
I'll win you back are just words. Words mean nothing, actions say everything.
Look at it this way - He's building your case for the day you announce to him that it's over. He's giving you all the supporting evidence you need to show why he doesn't deserve you for a wife.
A year goes by quickly! You got this!!
Hugs! Xoxo
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2017 23:00:59 GMT -5
Honey! You can do this!! Try not to be too emotional about the anniversary, at least you didn't have to pretend celebrate a farce. I did that so many years. I'll win you back are just words. Words mean nothing, actions say everything. Look at it this way - He's building your case for the day you announce to him that it's over. He's giving you all the supporting evidence you need to show why he doesn't deserve you for a wife. A year goes by quickly! You got this!! Hugs! Xoxo I love this! Thank you bballgirl! Yes, he's making my case for me alright. Amen. Thanks for the support. I needed it today. 😊 |
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Post by lwoetin on Jul 3, 2017 1:14:43 GMT -5
Happy anniversary! Maybe he'll buy you a car this time to make up for it. Or something similar.
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Post by McRoomMate on Jul 3, 2017 1:20:03 GMT -5
Honey! You can do this!! Try not to be too emotional about the anniversary, at least you didn't have to pretend celebrate a farce. I did that so many years. I'll win you back are just words. Words mean nothing, actions say everything. Look at it this way - He's building your case for the day you announce to him that it's over. He's giving you all the supporting evidence you need to show why he doesn't deserve you for a wife. A year goes by quickly! You got this!! Hugs! Xoxo Exactly - for many years of our anniversary we went out to dinner - I got a lecture for half of it on all my inadequacies - got home - peck on the cheek - sleep on opposite sides of the bed - what was the point ? For the last few years we did not really do anything for our anniversary - she did nothing, I did nothing. Neither of us even bothered. A "side bar" - well yes but another of the many many symptoms including SM that things aint right in the couple. And maybe so far as to say proving there aint no couple really in substance just form. |
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 3, 2017 5:47:52 GMT -5
Two. Moments:
Why was remembering the anniversary all up to him? Activities were things that jointly could have been planned did you do anything for him except remind him. Romance, too, can be initiated by you. Has he been rejecting your advances or have you been futile waiting him to initiate?
If your marriage is sexless and miserable why do you want to celebrate it? Several years before I decided to divorce, I felt so emotionally estranged from my husband that i said, "let's skip the celebration." I cited the long length of our marrriage as the reason, but I'm sure he knew, too, that we were just going through the motions. We treated that day as a regular one. I don't see any reason to celebrate a shell of a marriage. Maybe your husband is doing my what mine was: awaiting your gettting the message and pulling the plug. For some reason, men may want divorce, but are less likely to initiate it than are women.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 3, 2017 6:53:56 GMT -5
Think of it as "divorce planning", or "New Life Planning".
You are married on paper. That's it.
Many things like this have occurred in our relationship, over the last two years. We will no longer be celebrating things together.( for me , it enforces how many responsibilities I took on daily, and what things will be like for my STBX with out me.)
Why invest your heart, time, money, in someone who has declared their detachment from you? All the way down to the little things like holiday gifts?
Start your new life planning by doing things for yourself, with other people, or alone.
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Post by beachguy on Jul 3, 2017 7:07:44 GMT -5
By my 20th, the idea was well planted that anniversaries were just one more tick mark on my prison cell wall. The 4th group of hash marks.
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Post by h on Jul 3, 2017 7:08:59 GMT -5
The only thing I hope she forgets more often than our anniversary is valentine's day. No chance of that happening. Too much advertising to remind them of V-Day (or as I have called it for years now: not gonna get any "V" day). |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 3, 2017 7:20:49 GMT -5
Two. Moments: Why was remembering the anniversary all up to him? Activities were things that jointly could have been planned did you do anything for him except remind him. Romance, too, can be initiated by you. Has he been rejecting your advances or have you been futile waiting him to initiate? If your marriage is sexless and miserable why do you want to celebrate it? Several years before I decided to divorce, I felt so emotionally estranged from my husband that i said, "let's skip the celebration." I cited the long length of our marrriage as the reason, but I'm sure he knew, too, that we were just going through the motions. We treated that day as a regular one. I don't see any reason to celebrate a shell of a marriage. Maybe your husband is doing my what mine was: awaiting your gettting the message and pulling the plug. For some reason, men may want divorce, but are less likely to initiate it than are women. Just a side bar about planning for activities, who should initiate, and how much rejection of advances can some one handle? In my case, the controller likes to "give you the responsibility" to plan things. Only to then criticize, change, rearrange, all of it, or sometimes only 2% of it. Either way the activity now is their way, they are in control. Meanwhile the controller, thinks nothing of it and continues to claim that, "it was your responsibility, and anything major or minor, that goes wrong is all your fault." That aint a marriage, and that aint a relationship! |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 3, 2017 7:21:19 GMT -5
Elle,
You got this.
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