|
|
Post by nolongerlonely on Jul 3, 2017 7:56:04 GMT -5
Happy Anniversary !
I used to buy valentines day gifts. Was asked not to in the end, about 11 years ago. That was a nail in the marital coffin. So I always used to do anniversary stuff too. For about the last 7 years, she always forgot. I stopped the gifts or meals or even cards about 10 years ago shortly after the valentines fiasco. So three years ago, we struck 25 years. What a joke that was. The first thing that came out of my mouth that day, as in previous years, was 'happy anniversary' Needless to say it had been overlooked. A later argument, some weeks later, I was accused of failing to celebrate the 25 years. I'm laughing as I typed that bit. How can the psychology be that screwed up ? There was no way I was celebrating something I wished I had never done. Hope yours is better than that
|
|
|
|
Post by jim44444 on Jul 3, 2017 9:45:49 GMT -5
One more year @elle, that is the only valid time goal to focus on. I often wonder why we humans have a fixation on meaningless time increments that are only valid for scheduling purposes. If we use the solar movements of Jupiter as a time measurement basis then I am 5.65 years old and have been married 4.05 years. What do those numbers mean? Not a damn thing. Just a statistical aberation.
If a relationship is good then celebrate it each moment. If it is not good then ignore the hallmark facade.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2017 12:39:00 GMT -5
One more year @elle, that is the only valid time goal to focus on. I often wonder why we humans have a fixation on meaningless time increments that are only valid for scheduling purposes. If we use the solar movements of Jupiter as a time measurement basis then I am 5.65 years old and have been married 4.05 years. What do those numbers mean? Not a damn thing. Just a statistical aberation. If a relationship is good then celebrate it each moment. If it is not good then ignore the hallmark facade. Hallmark has a lot to answer for. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2017 12:51:41 GMT -5
Happy anniversary! Maybe he'll buy you a car this time to make up for it. Or something similar. lwoetin, 😂😂😂 Yeah, no. No car! Or anything like it. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2017 12:54:16 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. Even though divorce is probably a foregone conclusion for me, I can't help being ever the optimist and hoping for radical change. Him telling me he'd win me back didn't help squash those hopes either.
Life goes on!! So grateful for the support here.
|
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Jul 7, 2017 12:58:43 GMT -5
OMG, after talking with my attorney, there is a VERY distinct possibility that we will be going to be headed to court to gavel our marriage away on July 12, 2017. We were married on July 12, 1997. The last time we had sex was on July 12, 2014. Is it really possible that it will be 20 years to the day my marriage will end? I'm not really sure how I feel about that. I've got some really mixed emotions at the moment  |
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Jul 7, 2017 13:26:32 GMT -5
The real question, shamwow... what's proper etiquette? Should you buy an anniversary gift? Sorry to make light of it. I can imagine the irony and significance. Like collapsing at the finish line. |
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Jul 7, 2017 13:34:06 GMT -5
The real question, shamwow ... what's proper etiquette? Should you buy an anniversary gift? Sorry to make light of it. I can imagine the irony and significance. Like collapsing at the finish line. No worries, brother. A sense of humor is essential at times like this. I'm not planning on buying a gift (for her at least...Me? Maybe). Ironically, Wednesday is a good day to do it with my schedule. |
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Jul 7, 2017 13:53:03 GMT -5
OMG, after talking with my attorney, there is a VERY distinct possibility that we will be going to be headed to court to gavel our marriage away on July 12, 2017. We were married on July 12, 1997. The last time we had sex was on July 12, 2014. Is it really possible that it will be 20 years to the day my marriage will end? I'm not really sure how I feel about that. I've got some really mixed emotions at the moment That was a possibility for me with my divorce but it turned out the court date came 18 days later. It would have been ironic if the dates were the same but looking back now I'm glad they are different. I get it though. |
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Aug 5, 2017 11:41:58 GMT -5
Toward the end of my marriage I told my husband not to bother celebrating. The reason I cited was the long length of our marriage but the truth was I was tired of getting an obligatory card and flowers but having no physical or emotional intimacy. There was nothing to celebrate so I felt no need to go through the motions. Skipping a false celebration was far more uplifting then a fake celebration of a marriage that was dead. I did not realize when I stop celebrating that that was one step toward divorce, but it was. When I finally let go of the marriage it was with relief. I had been letting it go piece by piece after I had realized that it never would give me the intimacy I longed for.
|
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Aug 5, 2017 11:45:02 GMT -5
Why pick out a card or have a celebration if there's nothing to celebrate? If you are that unhappy with your marriage you just as well let your spouse know instead of putting together a fake happy face as if you are delighted with what you have.
|
|
johannesfactotum
Junior Member
Behold the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it and ye shall see that it is barren
Posts: 42 
Age Range: 51-55
|
Post by johannesfactotum on Aug 5, 2017 15:46:45 GMT -5
I go out of my way to ignore, not forget, IGNORE anniversaries, her birthday, and Valentines' Day now. She gets nothing, not a card, not a single flower, not even a peck on the cheek from me on those days (or any other day for that matter). If she tries to lie and bullshit with friends and family about what we did or what she got from me on those days, I shut it down, hard! For at least the past two years, her friends and family are now aware of what a sham our marriage is and that she and I were just creating the illusion of a happy, successful marriage.
|
|
|
|
Post by neonspace on Aug 5, 2017 16:03:45 GMT -5
Our 25th is coming up in 8 months or so and about a week ago W was suggesting destinations and activities and said she would like to renew our vows. LOL! She was willing to negotiate on destinations and activities but the vow renewals were the one thing she insisted on.
I'm not sure if she wants to do it for the audiences benefit so she has pictures to post on Facebook to keep the facade going or if it is just part of the continued mindfuckery or if she has herself believing things are just great.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2017 16:12:09 GMT -5
I go out of my way to ignore, not forget, IGNORE anniversaries, her birthday, and Valentines' Day now. She gets nothing, not a card, not a single flower, not even a peck on the cheek from me on those days (or any other day for that matter). If she tries to lie and bullshit with friends and family about what we did or what she got from me on those days, I shut it down, hard! For at least the past two years, her friends and family are now aware of what a sham our marriage is and that she and I were just creating the illusion of a happy, successful marriage. In your situation, I wonder if it would be kinder, and less destructive to all involved parties, to just tell her it's over. If my H is done with me, I'd rather he just tell me than continue being cruel. I'm worried you might be hurting yourself here. I think what we practice we get very good at. I also think that everything we put out there comes back to us in some way, sooner or later. You're a young, good looking guy. You'll do well for yourself as a divorcé. Why not practice being the type of man you want your future lady to have? (All while working an exit plan!) I've read your other posts and know you have kids and that complicates matters to the nth degree. Me too. And that's why I'm still here. That and H refused me a divorce last year, asking me to wait two more years so he could win me back. I'm waiting. There's no winning going on (yet). It's ok. I'm on plan. Summer 2018!! Good luck to you. I know how painful and and destructive SM can be. But don't let it destroy your character too. As always, just my .02! Sorry if I've overstepped. |
|
johannesfactotum
Junior Member
Behold the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it and ye shall see that it is barren
Posts: 42
Age Range: 51-55
|
Post by johannesfactotum on Aug 5, 2017 18:02:21 GMT -5
I go out of my way to ignore, not forget, IGNORE anniversaries, her birthday, and Valentines' Day now. She gets nothing, not a card, not a single flower, not even a peck on the cheek from me on those days (or any other day for that matter). If she tries to lie and bullshit with friends and family about what we did or what she got from me on those days, I shut it down, hard! For at least the past two years, her friends and family are now aware of what a sham our marriage is and that she and I were just creating the illusion of a happy, successful marriage. In your situation, I wonder if it would be kinder, and less destructive to all involved parties, to just tell her it's over. If my H is done with me, I'd rather he just tell me than continue being cruel. You're right, and I have no reasonable argument in defense of this behavior. I have told her that the marriage is over and that as soon as the kids are gone, I'm gone. I'm actually planning, like you, to move that date up to sometime next year, in part because I hate the person I'm becoming. Again, I can't defend myself here. Vengeance feels good, but if I step back and look at my actions the past couple of years, I clearly come off as an asshole. Although I will say that my behavior is sort of like her chickens coming home to roost. The sad thing is that for the vast majority of our marriage, I absolutely was the kind of husband that made other women jealous of my wife, and look what that got me. You and me both, sister! However, there is nothing she can do to convince me to delay the inevitable divorce any more than I currently plan to. She's had 19+ years to work out her shit and enough is enough. Our marriage is over, except for the paperwork, and nothing will change that. I wouldn't post here if I wasn't looking for feedback, critical or not, from the members here. Your opinions and critiques are welcome and encouraged. |
|
