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Post by McRoomMate on Jul 26, 2017 14:09:01 GMT -5
Things to hope for: -the end of wars -congress will fix healthcare -refusers will have a change of heart -pigs will fly A sign in my local Jimmy John's sandwich shop: "It turns out, pigs *can* fly... you just have to turn them into sandwiches first." It's a matter of perspective, and solving the problem in an unexpected way. Just like many refusers *can* learn to enjoy sex and intimacy again... with their next partner. We are just stuck trying the obvious option. Yes the "Next Partner" - I think just letting it go with the specific couple and this SM is enough. Good luck and fare thee well with the next one indeed !!! |
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Post by tiredoftears on Jul 26, 2017 15:16:56 GMT -5
This seems to be the very path I am headed on. He is still affectionate, holding hands, a peck at bedtime, his hand resting near my knee while we watch t.v., but his sexual interest for me died my third month of pregnancy, and our son is almost 14 months old now. I have repeatedly confronted him about the issue, but nothing gets resolved. I feel like I have no control in my life. No personal pleasures, no personality, and voy, did I have a wild personality before all this. If I could offer a bit of hope then. With new/young children it's very hard to determine what path you're on as a couple. If your life as a couple was working fairly well before kids then the stress level (not to mention hormones) has just been turned up which is hard on almost everyone. When my wife was pregnant and then a new Mom, it wasn't that my attraction to her and desire for her had waned, I was just worried about hurting her or the baby. It's also quite easy for Dads to feel a little left out now that the Mom/kid bond is around. If he won't say what the problem is then it's certainly hard for you to sort it out so please persist. Hopefully things will smooth out. Also, take care of yourself. No... We lived together for two years before we decided to be in a relationship, and i becMe pregnant just three months afterwards, but the first few years we lived together we didn't have sex because he was just a friend, and I was just a "masseuse" (escort) that needed a place to stay and work from. Oh, sure, we would go out to dinner fairly regularly, and I usually paid because he didn't ask fkr any rent money or anything, but it was a platonic relationship. I was thin, very sexy, and outside of "work", I had several men around 20 that I was screwing, or I'd stop seeing one and find another and I was drinking every day and on meth. After a few years of this, one day his dog got very sick because she was 14 years old, and after a month of her being sick we had to put her down. He was SO devestated, because this dog had belonged to his mother that had passed not too long before we met( i moved in about four months after we met.) So... I decided to do my best to comfort him(we had sex) and then I decided he was a really nice guy, and began to feel guilty thinking maybe I had been taking advantage of his good nature. So, i broke it off with all my fuck buddies, and stopped "working", because he usually insisted on paying everything himself anyway. I think he knew about my drug use back then, but he never asked and I never told him. So in July 2015, is when the dog died, November 2015 I found out I was pregnant(the day I found out, I quit smoking cigarettes, pot, meth, and quit drinking, I just gave it all to this gay guy I used to get high with). Thanksgiving he introduced gis family to me, and said we would tell them on Christmas I was pregnant. Our sex life was fine till Christmas. Then it just... stopped. My whole pregnancy, I was very depressed because I had given up everything I should, and suddenly he just stopped giving me the one pleasure I had left. And the porn... He would spend HOURS watching porn and playing with himself. I would fall asleep while we were watching tv, and wake up to the whole bed shaking because he was masturbating so fervently, even though before I fell asleep he turned me down because he was tired from working all day, he had a headache, he felt ill in general, the list goes on.... I was doing everything right, wasn't I? I was still dressing up cute, doing my hair and makeup, and I had gotten on the right path, i stopped hanging out with ALL undesirable type people, so why was I being punished? My sixth month of pregnancy is when I began to turn to food... I still do. I'm still clean, but I started smoking cigarettes again very recently, to have something to do besides eat that I know gives me some kind of pleasure. So.... That's most of my story... |
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Post by baza on Jul 26, 2017 21:23:39 GMT -5
This is pure speculation Sister tiredoftears , but see if you think there is anything in it. Up until November 2015 he mebbe thought he was "rescuing" you, which gave him a self image of the white knight. But since Nov 2015, you appear to have gotten your shit together and are quite the self sufficient and responsible person. So his role as white knight may no longer exist. And that might not sit well with him. So he is trying to wrest back control to a point where you need him, and is using sex (or the lack there-of) to put you back in your place. Suffice to say, it does not look like a healthy relationship. |
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Post by tiredoftears on Jul 26, 2017 22:48:15 GMT -5
This is pure speculation Sister tiredoftears , but see if you think there is anything in it. Up until November 2015 he mebbe thought he was "rescuing" you, which gave him a self image of the white knight. But since Nov 2015, you appear to have gotten your shit together and are quite the self sufficient and responsible person. So his role as white knight may no longer exist. And that might not sit well with him. So he is trying to wrest back control to a point where you need him, and is using sex (or the lack there-of) to put you back in your place. Suffice to say, it does not look like a healthy relationship. Huh... I never thought of it that way.... Interesting speculation. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2017 9:01:49 GMT -5
This is pure speculation Sister tiredoftears , but see if you think there is anything in it. Up until November 2015 he mebbe thought he was "rescuing" you, which gave him a self image of the white knight. But since Nov 2015, you appear to have gotten your shit together and are quite the self sufficient and responsible person. So his role as white knight may no longer exist. And that might not sit well with him. So he is trying to wrest back control to a point where you need him, and is using sex (or the lack there-of) to put you back in your place. Suffice to say, it does not look like a healthy relationship. Huh... I never thought of it that way.... Interesting speculation. There is a lot going on for you including addiction recovery and probably some codependency issues on his part. Baza is probably on to something but it's complicated to be sure. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2017 13:17:50 GMT -5
This is pure speculation Sister tiredoftears , but see if you think there is anything in it. Up until November 2015 he mebbe thought he was "rescuing" you, which gave him a self image of the white knight. But since Nov 2015, you appear to have gotten your shit together and are quite the self sufficient and responsible person. So his role as white knight may no longer exist. And that might not sit well with him. So he is trying to wrest back control to a point where you need him, and is using sex (or the lack there-of) to put you back in your place. Suffice to say, it does not look like a healthy relationship. True. Some people only want to be close to you, intimate with you, while your life is a mess. This has happened to me at least twice with female friends - while I'm unhappy we're BFFs. The minute my life gets better and/or my thinking gets healthier, all of a sudden I can't do anything right, and they're full of criticism. |
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