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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2017 22:56:23 GMT -5
We were out tonight with another couple we are friends. Our wife's get on, they work in similar industries. we like a few beers. Then dinner. They have no idea about the state of our marriage or we theirs. Although I suspect similar problem. We all have fun and relate well together. It's all very nice we never talk about deep issues. It's nice but it's just another way we split our lives up. This is just another facade to the rest of world we look like the perfect couple.
Not asking about observation of this but do others have similar things going on
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Post by baza on Jun 30, 2017 23:19:54 GMT -5
Within our loose affiliation of friends / couples there is a sexless marriage couple.
They are good value to go out with, both funny and engaging company.
And whereas they don't stuff the state of their marriage down ones throat, they don't make any secret of the fact either.
The wife has bona-fide health reasons she could use to explain away her attitude, but it pre-dated those issues, long enough for the husband to cease being sexually interested in her. To the best of my knowledge neither outsource.
To me, the state of their deal is only of passing interest.
They are both good people, I enjoy their company as individuals and as a couple.
To me, the state of their deal is a complete non-event.
I think they are coming up 37 years together or thereabouts, and the union, such as it is, looks rock solid.
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Post by allworkandnoplay on Jul 1, 2017 0:53:09 GMT -5
No one in our sphere of influence would know that anything is amiss. We don't socialize much, but until very recently we worked in the same building. None of our co-workers would suspect anything.
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Post by McRoomMate on Jul 1, 2017 1:02:12 GMT -5
I can relate. On paper on photos we looked great. The total lack of passion and intimacy was very hidden from the world. I remember thinking I felt like a hypocrit and living a lie.
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Post by McRoomMate on Jul 1, 2017 1:03:43 GMT -5
When I "woke up" I started bouncing my SM situation off many friends. I was totally astonished by how wide spread it was - it seemed like 50% of my married guy friends were more or less in SM and most just accepted it as the natural state of a marriage.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jul 1, 2017 3:07:21 GMT -5
When I "woke up" I started bouncing my SM situation off many friends. I was totally astonished by how wide spread it was - it seemed like 50% of my married guy friends were more or less in SM and most just accepted it as the natural state of a marriage. I opened up to my sister about my SM for the first time the other day and her response was that they never have sex either and, like your friends, they seem to just "accept it as the natural state of a marriage". That was a bit eye opening for me and I wondered if maybe I'm overreacting(?). But perhaps the difference is that they seem to both be content with the situation and have an intimate emotional connection even if they don't often make love. Whereas my H seems to be content but I am not and that intimate connection is severely lacking. |
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Post by h on Jul 1, 2017 5:00:41 GMT -5
I have no idea what the status is on the marriages of our couples friends. I know of one couple that I suspect has a very intimate connection and active sex life. They don't talk about it but body language and behavior says enough. We never have any deep conversations about serious issues so nobody knows anything about our situation or anyone elses. I haven't shared this with anyone except on this forum. I don't have many friends anymore that I would feel comfortable talking about this with.
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Post by beachguy on Jul 1, 2017 6:31:52 GMT -5
Back when we were still having infrequent bad sex, my refuser had a little talk with my best man's W, who mentioned they hadn't done it in 6 months. I think this was right after a baby. Anyway, she comes to me almost excitedly to relay this information. It was like some great inspiration to her. An intimate conversation. Yay 😶 Any shred of validation is almost a religious experience. My wife's validation came from her bff, never married, probably for reasons related to her similarly asexual personality. |
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Post by nancyb on Jul 1, 2017 6:50:21 GMT -5
thecelt: Back when I was still married people used to comment frequently about the depth of our marital bond and the fantastic relationship we had. It was all lies.
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Post by McRoomMate on Jul 1, 2017 7:17:05 GMT -5
When I "woke up" I started bouncing my SM situation off many friends. I was totally astonished by how wide spread it was - it seemed like 50% of my married guy friends were more or less in SM and most just accepted it as the natural state of a marriage. I opened up to my sister about my SM for the first time the other day and her response was that they never have sex either and, like your friends, they seem to just "accept it as the natural state of a marriage". That was a bit eye opening for me and I wondered if maybe I'm overreacting(?). But perhaps the difference is that they seem to both be content with the situation and have an intimate emotional connection even if they don't often make love. Whereas my H seems to be content but I am not and that intimate connection is severely lacking. Absolutely, maybe we should rename it INTIMACY-LESS Marriage - sex is a part of intimacy - I dont think anyone here - certainly not me - was just missing "sex" it was the whole emotional magnificient state of true intimacy. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 1, 2017 7:23:51 GMT -5
My X belongs to a service sorority and they pretty much constitute her friends circle not counting our neighbors. These women often shared their martial or "love life" status with each other. When my X decided we were past the time for that sort of thing she received unanimous support from her sisters. My X also relayed how sisters controlled any intimacy that happened. I believe her because a couple of the women openly stated their husbands were unable or their marriages were devoid of sex. So I suspect being sexless is much more common than generally thought.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 1, 2017 7:28:47 GMT -5
People often comment about how well behaved my kids are, or what great kids I have. They are so polite and respectful, they are great to be around.
So once again, it comes back down to "the kids" or "family". Rarely was there a comment about what a great, fun, couple we where.
In homeschool circles you rarely talk about the adults as a couple. Instead, I found even my own conversations ended up being all about ,the kids and getting them together.
Everyone assumes, are kids are great, so we are doing great.
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Post by beachguy on Jul 1, 2017 9:06:38 GMT -5
When I "woke up" I started bouncing my SM situation off many friends. I was totally astonished by how wide spread it was - it seemed like 50% of my married guy friends were more or less in SM and most just accepted it as the natural state of a marriage. I opened up to my sister about my SM for the first time the other day and her response was that they never have sex either and, like your friends, they seem to just "accept it as the natural state of a marriage". That was a bit eye opening for me and I wondered if maybe I'm overreacting(?). But perhaps the difference is that they seem to both be content with the situation and have an intimate emotional connection even if they don't often make love. Whereas my H seems to be content but I am not and that intimate connection is severely lacking. Before making any assumptions about your brother-in-law's contentment, you might want to ask him directly. While it may be true, on a statistical basis, that SM is the "natural state of things", it is then equally true that divorce is "the natural state of things" since well over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Something to ponder. Long and hard. It's not a good idea to pick and choose the statistics (anecdotal or not) that you consider the "natural order of things". |
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 1, 2017 9:42:50 GMT -5
Now that I'm out of my sm, I have more friends who talk about sex and their great sex lives. I didn't cultivate friendships with such people when I was married because hearing such talk made me envious. Now I swap stories with such friends.
I also have friends in sm. I enjoy them. Their sexlessness doesn't affect me. I feel sorry for them, too.
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Post by seabr33z3 on Jul 1, 2017 10:41:10 GMT -5
You can bet the wives talk!
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