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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2017 8:24:42 GMT -5
Reset sex, starfish sex or no sex?
I would rank starfish and no sex and a virtual tie for worst.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jun 25, 2017 8:33:43 GMT -5
No sex is the worst. If your partner doesn't always offer starfish sex, you might know that he/she is capable of more, and that would be pretty awful. If you know that your partner is not capable of anything more than starfish sex, you might take what you can get, ie, better than nothing.
I have never experienced reset sex. My partner has never believed that i or our relationship was worth a reset.
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Post by baza on Jun 25, 2017 8:42:39 GMT -5
I guess a case can be made for starfish sex as at least being an honest reflection of your spouses indifference.
The downside to re-set sex is that although you don't realise it in the moment, you discover afterward is was a lie, dishonest, an act, a manipulation.
They are 3 pretty ordinary unpalatable options.
Your appraisal seems as good as any other Brother @shynjdude
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2017 8:43:22 GMT -5
Perhaps there are gradients of starfish sex.
I'm thinking in terms of where the partner makes it clear that s/he doesn't want to be there and for you to get it over with already. Not even a pretense of it being anything but an unwelcome obligation.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 25, 2017 9:19:46 GMT -5
I'm currently thinking of it as: how do you feel after each has happened? As you say, with starfish sex you know it is an "unwelcome obligation". Does that make it unenjoyable for you during? Does it make you feel awful after? Does it feel like coercion? Does it leave you feeling worse than if there had been NO sex? And similarly with re-set sex: assuming the sex was pleasurable for you both (or at least, your refuser was attempting to make it seem s/he found it pleasurable), I assume it felt good during. And it likely left you with good feelings after, correct? It's only later as baza said that it enters the "re-set" category but perhaps the enjoyment of the moment makes it preferable to starfish, and certainly to NO sex. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2017 9:27:22 GMT -5
Speaking for myself, where things went from pretty bad sex to the worst kind of starfish sex to not even touching, I don't know if I look forward to starfish sex again. Probably I would say yes if it was offered, so I guess it is marginally better than none, but it certainly did not make me feel good.
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fred
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Post by fred on Jun 25, 2017 9:34:02 GMT -5
Starfish sex ? OK - i'm out of it. What is it ?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2017 9:34:59 GMT -5
Woman lying there, limbs out like a starfish, not making a movement and just wanting you to get it over with.
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fred
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Post by fred on Jun 25, 2017 9:35:06 GMT -5
looked it up, yeechh !
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fred
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Post by fred on Jun 25, 2017 9:36:13 GMT -5
remindful of the difference between a (ethincity of you choice) lady and Jello.........Jello quivers when you eat it ! sorry...........
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 25, 2017 9:47:57 GMT -5
Starfish is the worst.
They are all bullshit, I don't need a man to do me any favors, I have a hand or toys.
If I were dating a man and he did not satisfy me sexually or non sexually, or if I was not attracted to him, I'm going to be upfront and honest.
It's kids and mortgages that keep us trapped in starfish, reset, no sex situations. I'll be damned if a man or woman that promised to cherish me and changed the rules in the middle of the game is going to steal my sexuality too.
If nothing else that starfish would learn to act like a dog and I'd fuck the shit out of her.
I'm pissed sorry if too graphic/ emotional etc.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 25, 2017 9:56:37 GMT -5
All three seem to be on an equal playing field. It's all about manipulation, control, and dis-honesty. (a mind- fuck)
For me the re-set, seemed the worst. Especially when they enjoy it, and hand you false, lying, hope.Then 24 hrs later dash it to the ground. The positive is that you can use it as a strong tipping point.
That sets your mind into the "why" overdrive! Including self blame. It's very toxic!
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 25, 2017 10:51:44 GMT -5
They are all bullshit, I don't need a man to do me any favors, I have a hand or toys. Yes, a hand and toys can get the job done but there is NO substitute for the real thing. Feeling someone's body up against yours, moving together in rhythm. Yes I can get myself off but it's so much more pleasurable to derive that release as a result of someone else's body. I guess at this point my vote is for re-set sex. I'm up in the air about whether no sex or starfish is the worse one. |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jun 25, 2017 12:15:03 GMT -5
Starfish is the worst. They are all bullshit, I don't need a man to do me any favors, I have a hand or toys. If I were dating a man and he did not satisfy me sexually or non sexually, or if I was not attracted to him, I'm going to be upfront and honest. It's kids and mortgages that keep us trapped in starfish, reset, no sex situations. I'll be damned if a man or woman that promised to cherish me and changed the rules in the middle of the game is going to steal my sexuality too. If nothing else that starfish would learn to act like a dog and I'd fuck the shit out of her. I'm pissed sorry if too graphic/ emotional etc. You Rock. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 25, 2017 13:24:29 GMT -5
They are all bullshit, I don't need a man to do me any favors, I have a hand or toys. Yes, a hand and toys can get the job done but there is NO substitute for the real thing. Feeling someone's body up against yours, moving together in rhythm. Yes I can get myself off but it's so much more pleasurable to derive that release as a result of someone else's body. I guess at this point my vote is for re-set sex. I'm up in the air about whether no sex or starfish is the worse one. I understand that it's the going through the desert and not taking a drink of water theory. Trust me I get it. You are also limited because you are married. However if you free yourself you will have a different philosophy. |
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