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Post by rdp62 on Jun 15, 2017 0:46:49 GMT -5
This might have actually worked. I told my wife no affection from her then none from me, I am done last night. Two hours of intense conversation and we were ok and this morning I refused to kiss her goodbye first time in 30 years ever done anything like this was incredibly hard but that or divorce. Left for work and was really upset and mad again and then she sent text about 11am she loved me. She said I was playing a game and manipulating her this morning before I left and I was very serious and true wasn't a game or manipulating I had to do this for us and she had some serious thinking to do. Maybe will be ok.. thanks for this...
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Post by cagedadventurer on Jun 15, 2017 6:52:48 GMT -5
rdp62 - You refused her! I would guess this was a tough step for you. BUT it was the leap you needed to give yourself a sense of renewed hope for a future beyond the status quo SH of a SM! I was there at just 5 years in and I recall how I felt free/alive, renewed and more confident by the hour throughout the work day. It is matter of you actually having control of something again - like it was 31 years ago. The one year before she planned and set your destiny that is! I have had to go through this every so often to jolt her to reality and the fact that I still read here regularly, things are not as I would like them. To the point of using the one time self destruct "D" threat. Well I did that by way of providing a written agreement for her to sign (first 5 years). This was real and she had to decide. But she made the decision to get help and improve. So I did not lose creditability. HOWEVER, I'd like to share that in last talk a couple years ago, I remained calm and in control and was truly aloof - to make sure I could not be swayed or manipulated. I said "really we (kids and me)are all tired of your controlling and since you have no use for me, you should find that person you can love and feel free to give yourself to." This is a suggestion as to how to NOT threaten divorce and lose credibility by placing the decision ALL onto the refuser to leave. Of course they always have ways for you to change - well we are all sick of that endless road - so stay on topic. Which is, nope, I am not changing, please go find the man of your dreams since I am obviously not!
I get action now but I do have to initiate. She overall keeps a decent attitude about it but it is to avoid me leaving and less than satisfying but better living conditions as a result. Congratulations rdp62 - stay strong and do not feel guilty for refusing her the kiss this morning. This was a good trigger. It is all in her hands now...her text at 11:00 says she is concerned. You are effecting change. Don't lose momentum.
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Post by rdp62 on Jun 15, 2017 7:46:21 GMT -5
rdp62 - You refused her! I would guess this was a tough step for you. BUT it was the leap you needed to give yourself a sense of renewed hope for a future beyond the status quo SH of a SM! I was there at just 5 years in and I recall how I felt free/alive, renewed and more confident by the hour throughout the work day. It is matter of you actually having control of something again - like it was 31 years ago. The one year before she planned and set your destiny that is! I have had to go through this every so often to jolt her to reality and the fact that I still read here regularly, things are not as I would like them. To the point of using the one time self destruct "D" threat. Well I did that by way of providing a written agreement for her to sign (first 5 years). This was real and she had to decide. But she made the decision to get help and improve. So I did not lose creditability. HOWEVER, I'd like to share that in last talk a couple years ago, I remained calm and in control and was truly aloof - to make sure I could not be swayed or manipulated. I said "really we (kids and me)are all tired of your controlling and since you have no use for me, you should find that person you can love and feel free to give yourself to." This is a suggestion as to how to NOT threaten divorce and lose credibility by placing the decision ALL onto the refuser to leave. Of course they always have ways for you to change - well we are all sick of that endless road - so stay on topic. Which is, nope, I am not changing, please go find the man of your dreams since I am obviously not! I get action now but I do have to initiate. She overall keeps a decent attitude about it but it is to avoid me leaving and less than satisfying but better living conditions as a result. Congratulations rdp62 - stay strong and do not feel guilty for refusing her the kiss this morning. This was a good trigger. It is all in her hands now...her text at 11:00 says she is concerned. You are effecting change. Don't lose momentum. It was very tough, was thinking 50/50 chance would cause divorce but had to be done for us, we were both unhappy. She probably thinks we are good again like she did in the morning after long talk but I am not changing until she proves she has not just says. Still might not be any for awhile I an not going to accept pity sex either we have a relationship that needs to find trust again. Thank you for the reminder to stay tough. You are right about during the day best I felt in awhile even on the way to work was thinking how it would have been a really bad day if I had given in |
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Post by snowman12345 on Jun 15, 2017 8:03:57 GMT -5
This might have actually worked. I told my wife no affection from her then none from me, I am done last night. Two hours of intense conversation and we were ok and this morning I refused to kiss her goodbye first time in 30 years ever done anything like this was incredibly hard but that or divorce. Left for work and was really upset and mad again and then she sent text about 11am she loved me. She said I was playing a game and manipulating her this morning before I left and I was very serious and true wasn't a game or manipulating I had to do this for us and she had some serious thinking to do. Maybe will be ok.. thanks for this... Good for you! A very hard first step - I know because I took it about a year ago. Things got better but are not perfect for me, probably not perfect for her - but better for both. You have to stay on track, but don't beat yourself up too much if you slip up, you're human after all. Understand that SHE is one playing games and manipulating - you are the one being played. Eat your Wheaties - you are going to need all your strength! Good luck to you!
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