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Post by Caris on Jun 11, 2017 12:56:37 GMT -5
For the first time in two years, I feel attracted to a man, which is weird as I'm mourning my ex-husband at the same time.
I'm staying with my friend, and she suggested I join a dating app because she's used them for years. I did try one 2-years ago, but deleted it within 48-hours (without meeting anyone). I wasn't ready, and the calibre of men were too tiresome to deal with while healing from the marriage and divorce. So I joined. Put up very natural selfies that I thought would attract no one, but at least they look like me, but the most surprising thing was me feeling that "tingle" about someone I've become attracted to. I love his profile and how he looks. We seem to have a lot of shared values, and after a nice conversation on the app, he gave me his number to call him. Can't do it. I want to, but can't.
My friend says, I'll lose him if I don't (not that he's actually mine to lose), but she thinks there is possibility there as we both want the same things, it seems. She says a phone conversation is a good gauge if you want to meet.
I've never had a date in 27-years. Last was my husband, so maybe it's still too early, but me actually feeling this pull toward him, this tingle and excitement shows me that the flat and empty feeling, towards romance, is not permanent. I just need the right man to awaken that womanly part of me again, and that's a milestone in itself.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 11, 2017 13:13:05 GMT -5
That's a great friend you have there!
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Post by lwoetin on Jun 11, 2017 13:14:32 GMT -5
I can't imagine a cup of coffee, etc. with the guy can hurt too badly. Have some fun and if you don't like him, move on to the next fella. I see plenty walking around so don't think they're special or anything.
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Post by jim44444 on Jun 11, 2017 13:27:18 GMT -5
Caris, IMO this is the most positive and hopeful story I have seen you write. If you are not yet comfortable calling him then send him a message explaining why. If he is a good fit then he will not pressure you to speed up the budding relationship. I am confident that some of the women from here will PM you with tips.
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Post by wewbwb on Jun 11, 2017 14:40:39 GMT -5
For the first time in two years, I feel attracted to a man, which is weird as I'm mourning my ex-husband at the same time. I'm staying with my friend, and she suggested I join a dating app because she's used them for years. I did try one 2-years ago, but deleted it within 48-hours (without meeting anyone). I wasn't ready, and the calibre of men were too tiresome to deal with while healing from the marriage and divorce. So I joined. Put up very natural selfies that I thought would attract no one, but at least they look like me, but the most surprising thing was me feeling that "tingle" about someone I've become attracted to. I love his profile and how he looks. We seem to have a lot of shared values, and after a nice conversation on the app, he gave me his number to call him. Can't do it. I want to, but can't. My friend says, I'll lose him if I don't (not that he's actually mine to lose), but she thinks there is possibility there as we both want the same things, it seems. She says a phone conversation is a good gauge if you want to meet. I've never had a date in 27-years. Last was my husband, so maybe it's still too early, but me actually feeling this pull toward him, this tingle and excitement shows me that the flat and empty feeling, towards romance, is not permanent. I just need the right man to awaken that womanly part of me again, and that's a milestone in itself. Please reach out to him. YOU , are some mans "one". There is a man out there that needs to see you smile. Please find him. Please let him love you and make you happy . It will mean a lot to him. If you don't , you are making some man keep looking for his happiness . |
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Post by hopingforachange on Jun 11, 2017 14:48:26 GMT -5
Well, your still working thru everything. It is good that your starting to move on. Your mind wants someone to connect with.
I would suggest taking the chance and calling him from a burner phone number. What's the worst outcome from 1 phone call? You hangup on him as soon as he answers? At least you took one more step forward.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 11, 2017 15:01:24 GMT -5
Great feeling isn't it!!
Keep your expectations low.
A lot of men say what they know you want to hear just so they can get you in the sack.
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Post by Caris on Jun 11, 2017 16:07:25 GMT -5
Great feeling isn't it!! Keep your expectations low. A lot of men say what they know you want to hear just so they can get you in the sack. Yes, and it scares the (expletive) out of me. |
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 11, 2017 16:40:06 GMT -5
Caris, congratulations on "coming 'round"; I'll agree this is the most uplifting post you've ever made. Do have a chat with him. Share some coffee or tea. Don't expect much of him, and don't expect it'll lead anywhere; just be social and seize the opportunity to meet someone new. It's a fantastic small step.
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Post by wewbwb on Jun 11, 2017 16:49:54 GMT -5
Keep your expectations low. A lot of men say what they know you want to hear just so they can get you in the sack. Yes. And some men don't . One way to find out . ...  |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2017 19:18:25 GMT -5
Great feeling isn't it!! Keep your expectations low. A lot of men say what they know you want to hear just so they can get you in the sack. Yes, and it scares the (expletive) out of me. Always remember - you have the right to say NO at any stage of the process. Whether he likes it or not. Your feelings of safety come first. Do you think you would be able to text or talk with the man, without getting emotionally involved too fast? If so - I think you should talk to him. You don't have to take it any further than talking, if you don't want to. And if things start to go in a direction you don't like - you can STOP talking to him. I myself have had to re-learn how to deal with a man who wants more than I want. After feeling neglected and unwanted with my refuser, this was a challenge. |
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Post by baza on Jun 11, 2017 19:54:11 GMT -5
Sister Caris"I just need the right man to awaken that womanly part of me again" - you say. How do you figure that this man (or more to the point "men", as there will be more than one who would fit the bill) is going to know of your existence ? Maybe a clue lies in recent events. A week ago or so you were debating whether to go to the funeral or not. You ended up choosing to go. You were then going to go home. You got an offer of a few days break elsewhere. You chose to accept that offer. Then it went as per your post today, above. The element I see is that you got off your arse and got out into the world, and things happened. And I would strongly suspect that if you keep getting out and engaging people and things, that things will continue to happen. And in among these people and things that happen could be the nugget that you stumble across. Is the guy on the dating site the nugget ? Probably not, maybe fate just chose him as a practice run for you, but who's to know. Aren't you curious ? |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jun 12, 2017 10:52:39 GMT -5
Good for you Caris. Regardless of the outcome in this specific instance, it is your time to shine and take care of yourself. Even if it means taking a little emotional risk. You can have the future that you want.
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Post by Caris on Jun 17, 2017 19:56:59 GMT -5
I'm back home after 11-days away, attending his funeral and then staying with a close friend. I think I found a certain closure.
I did call him, and we had a nice conversation. Maybe it will go somewhere, maybe it won't, but we'll see.
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Post by wewbwb on Jun 17, 2017 20:49:44 GMT -5
Here you go.....
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