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Post by GeekGoddess on Jun 17, 2017 21:43:30 GMT -5
I'm glad you made it back home & really glad that you went, that you had a friend to stay over with, & super glad that you called & you spoke to the gentleman.
These are each big deals in their own right, no matter what becomes of that conversation.
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Post by Dan on Jun 17, 2017 22:13:47 GMT -5
I've never had a date in 27-years. Last was my husband, so maybe it's still too early, but me actually feeling this pull toward him, this tingle and excitement shows me that the flat and empty feeling, towards romance, is not permanent. I just need the right man to awaken that womanly part of me again, and that's a milestone in itself. Learning to date again -- and learning to trust again and love again -- will NOT be a straight line. But you can't refuse to move your car down the road just because you can't see what is around the curve ahead. (You CAN take it slow, however.) You will probably make mistakes sometimes. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't act sometimes. And what you learn with one contact may or may not be applicable to the next. Have you told your online friend about your minor insecurities/hesitations? He will probably understand. He may help you with them. He might even find them endearing! Or: he might lose patience, lose interest. In which case, he solved your problem for you: when to start looking for the next gentleman to speak with. Good luck, Car... |
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Post by Caris on Jun 18, 2017 9:51:31 GMT -5
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Post by Caris on Jun 18, 2017 9:55:05 GMT -5
I'm glad you made it back home & really glad that you went, that you had a friend to stay over with, & super glad that you called & you spoke to the gentleman. These are each big deals in their own right, no matter what becomes of that conversation. Thanks Grant. I'm glad I went, and also visited our old home and haunts. Staying with my friend was greatly beneficial. She's a kind and generous person. Wish we lived closer instead of nearly 2000 miles away. |
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Post by Caris on Jun 18, 2017 9:59:20 GMT -5
I've never had a date in 27-years. Last was my husband, so maybe it's still too early, but me actually feeling this pull toward him, this tingle and excitement shows me that the flat and empty feeling, towards romance, is not permanent. I just need the right man to awaken that womanly part of me again, and that's a milestone in itself. Learning to date again -- and learning to trust again and love again -- will NOT be a straight line. But you can't refuse to move your car down the road just because you can't see what is around the curve ahead. (You CAN take it slow, however.) You will probably make mistakes sometimes. Â But that doesn't mean you shouldn't act sometimes. Â And what you learn with one contact may or may not be applicable to the next. Have you told your online friend about your minor insecurities/hesitations? Â He will probably understand. Â He may help you with them. Â He might even find them endearing! Or: he might lose patience, lose interest. Â In which case, he solved your problem for you: when to start looking for the next gentleman to speak with. Good luck, Car... Thanks Dan. No, I didn't share those things with him, not even that my ex had died. I don't think anyone wants to deal with this stuff, especially after a few online messages and one phone call. I'd tell him some things (not everything), if a relationship starts to look like it may happen, but we are virtually strangers at this point. |
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Post by Caris on Jun 18, 2017 10:03:54 GMT -5
Sister Caris"I just need the right man to awaken that womanly part of me again" - you say. How do you figure that this man (or more to the point "men", as there will be more than one who would fit the bill) is going to know of your existence ? Maybe a clue lies in recent events. A week ago or so you were debating whether to go to the funeral or not. You ended up choosing to go. You were then going to go home. You got an offer of a few days break elsewhere. You chose to accept that offer. Then it went as per your post today, above. The element I see is that you got off your arse and got out into the world, and things happened. And I would strongly suspect that if you keep getting out and engaging people and things, that things will continue to happen. And in among these people and things that happen could be the nugget that you stumble across. Is the guy on the dating site the nugget ? Probably not, maybe fate just chose him as a practice run for you, but who's to know. Aren't you curious ? I know Baz, and I'm going out next week with a group of mixed people. I've been meaning to go for 2-years, but never went. Now I want to go, so hope I keep my word to myself and GO!!! |
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Post by Dan on Jun 19, 2017 7:01:32 GMT -5
Thanks Dan. No, I didn't share those things with him, not even that my ex had died. I don't think anyone wants to deal with this stuff, especially after a few online messages and one phone call. I'd tell him some things (not everything), if a relationship starts to look like it may happen, but we are virtually strangers at this point. I surely understand wanting to not "overload" a new friend with too much. But if ever he is nudging you to take the next step but you are still nervous, my advice it is better to be upfront (to some degree) about your nervousness. Here's why: consider it from the guy's point of view. If you gently decline his suggestions to exchange pictures or talk by phone or meet for coffee (or whatever is logically "next" for you getting to know him), and if you do it repeatedly, he's going to start trying to work out why. If you tell him: "I'm very new to this; you are the first person that I'm considering meeting since I've been out of my marriage", he might understand, and give you an extra measure of patience. If you don't -- even if he is a GREAT GUY and rather likes you -- he may consider moving on or moving your friendship to the back burner. This isn't [necessarily] him being mean or a "player": this same behavior is the hallmark of a gentleman (who is not one to push for a friendship you are not interested in) and/or it is the hallmark of a sensitive man (who is him protecting himself emotionally by not "liking you more than you like him"). As for "no one wants to deal with that stuff"... don't be so sure. Some men actually won't have trouble with that; are mature enough to know that life happens, and that -- at our age -- we all have our dents and bruises. If you are looking for a man who will accept you for what you are, and is not afraid of dealing with a friend's real-life reasonable emotions (like dealing with the passing of an ex), it is OK to put some of this out there, and see how he responds. The best of friends were once total strangers. I think opening up to him about your feelings is a way to establish honesty in the friendship. If he values it, that is good for the potential future friendship. If he doesn't... you being honest just helped speed up the determination that he's not going to be a good friend for you. Either way: it is moving forward. |
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