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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 7, 2017 9:03:08 GMT -5
Hey everyone,
So over the last few days I've been debating on whether to share this info and decided what the hell.
As I've mentioned my H was a combat Marine. During his first deployment after we got married (it was to Japan) I found adult chat rooms online. I used to go online, usually at night when my oldest slept and that's usually when I felt...frisky.
This is something I did for several years when he would be gone and even now I do it from time to time.
The thing is, even though my sex drive is wonky, there was a slight excitement when I would chat. I never met anyone in person even though several suggested it. For all I knew I'm chatting with a woman pretending to be a man or some 40 yov in mommy' basement lol.
True the chats all end up sounding the same, but once and a while I would feel desired. Is that strange?
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Post by jim44444 on Jun 7, 2017 9:16:50 GMT -5
You are not the first to do this not will you be the last. The chats are providing you with something that is missing in your relationship. They are purely mental so they are a fantasy exercise. I think the mental side of sex is every bit as exciting as the physical act. So are you chatting about things you wish you could do with your H?
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 7, 2017 9:19:04 GMT -5
Doesn't sound strange at all. Understandable why you started doing it while your husband was deployed. It as a good substitute for the sex you were missing.You also seem to have a realistic understanding that they are fantasy experiences: You have no idea whom you're really chatting with. Considering how your husband treats you now, it's understandable why you still do it. The guys (or women pretending to be guys) in chats probably are more likely to give you the kind of erotic/love talk and even mental foreplay that you desire and that your husband refuses to do. And if the on-line guys don't please you, you can always block them.  I continue to believe the problem with your sex drive is that your husband is not treating you well. He also does not seem to care about meeting your sexual or emotional needs. His overtures are crude and centered on meeting his needs only. Of course, you won't have much desire for him. I don't understand why you think that your very understandable reaction to chats is strange. |
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 7, 2017 9:36:23 GMT -5
You are not the first to do this not will you be the last. The chats are providing you with something that is missing in your relationship. They are purely mental so they are a fantasy exercise. I think the mental side of sex is every bit as exciting as the physical act. So are you chatting about things you wish you could do with your H? Sometimes |
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 7, 2017 9:40:54 GMT -5
Doesn't sound strange at all. Understandable why you started doing it while your husband was deployed. It as a good substitute for the sex you were missing.You also seem to have a realistic understanding that they are fantasy experiences: You have no idea whom you're really chatting with. Considering how your husband treats you now, it's understandable why you still do it. The guys (or women pretending to be guys) in chats probably are more likely to give you the kind of erotic/love talk and even mental foreplay that you desire and that your husband refuses to do. And if the on-line guys don't please you, you can always block them. I continue to believe the problem with your sex drive is that your husband is not treating you well. He also does not seem to care about meeting your sexual or emotional needs. His overtures are crude and centered on meeting his needs only. Of course, you won't have much desire for him. I don't understand why you think that your very understandable reaction to chats is strange. Well, I guess strange is kind of a weird word to use lol. As for sex with H don't get me wrong, when we do he completely gets me off, and 9 out of 10 times it's before himself. I guess he thinks, like some married men do, "hey we're married now why should I have to continue with the seducing and whooing. I write erotic romance and self published my first book back in October. And even though me Hero and heroine are a couple the hero still continues with the whooing. Most of the books I read have that element in common. |
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Post by hopingforachange on Jun 7, 2017 9:45:22 GMT -5
Doesn't sound strange at all. Understandable why you started doing it while your husband was deployed. It as a good substitute for the sex you were missing.You also seem to have a realistic understanding that they are fantasy experiences: You have no idea whom you're really chatting with. Considering how your husband treats you now, it's understandable why you still do it. The guys (or women pretending to be guys) in chats probably are more likely to give you the kind of erotic/love talk and even mental foreplay that you desire and that your husband refuses to do. And if the on-line guys don't please you, you can always block them. I continue to believe the problem with your sex drive is that your husband is not treating you well. He also does not seem to care about meeting your sexual or emotional needs. His overtures are crude and centered on meeting his needs only. Of course, you won't have much desire for him. I don't understand why you think that your very understandable reaction to chats is strange. Well, I guess strange is kind of a weird word to use lol. As for sex with H don't get me wrong, when we do he completely gets me off, and 9 out of 10 times it's before himself. I guess he thinks, like some married men do, "hey we're married now why should I have to continue with the seducing and whooing. I write erotic romance and self published my first book back in October. And even though me Hero and heroine are a couple the hero still continues with the whooing. Most of the books I read have that element in common. Has your husband taken time to read the book? When I say read, I mean more then a speed read or looking for editoral errors. I would think if he did he would understand more of what your need. |
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 7, 2017 9:48:12 GMT -5
Well, I guess strange is kind of a weird word to use lol. As for sex with H don't get me wrong, when we do he completely gets me off, and 9 out of 10 times it's before himself. I guess he thinks, like some married men do, "hey we're married now why should I have to continue with the seducing and whooing. I write erotic romance and self published my first book back in October. And even though me Hero and heroine are a couple the hero still continues with the whooing. Most of the books I read have that element in common. Has your husband taken time to read the book? When I say read, I mean more then a speed read or looking for editoral errors. I would think if he did he would understand more of what your need. No he hasn't and said it could be a conflict of interest. I get what he means. He's thinking if he were to give me an opinion that it would hurt my feelings if he didn't like it. See, I used to write fanfiction and believe me, no one can be as harsh on a writer as those people lol. Because of that I have a thick skin when it comes to my writing. I know what I write isn't for everyone and that's cool. |
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Post by WindSister on Jun 7, 2017 9:49:18 GMT -5
Of course wooing goes both ways. All I know is when you are happy with someone, you don't look for outside connections (sexual, emotional or otherwise). I mean, friendships, yes - but ultimately you don't go looking for infidelity nor let it happen. Or, maybe not - maybe some people (not saying you, tiffany) but maybe some people are never satisfied and are always looking - it's a possibility. But for me, towards the end of my marriage I was looking for sexual connection with another male. I wasn't flawed, I just didn't have it with my ex husband at the time. It sounds like you don't have that with your husband. "Getting off" isn't the same as intimacy/connection either.
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 7, 2017 9:50:00 GMT -5
Of course wooing goes both ways. All I know is when you are happy with someone, you don't look for outside connections (sexual, emotional or otherwise). I mean, friendships, yes - but ultimately you don't go looking for infidelity nor let it happen. Or, maybe not - maybe some people (not saying you, tiffany) but maybe some people are never satisfied and are always looking - it's a possibility. But for me, towards the end of my marriage I was looking for sexual connection with another male. I wasn't flawed, I just didn't have it with my ex husband at the time. It sounds like you don't have that with your husband. "Getting off" isn't the same as intimacy/connection either. True. |
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 7, 2017 9:50:09 GMT -5
"I write erotic romance and self published my first book back in October. And even though me Hero and heroine are a couple the hero still continues with the whooing. Most of the books I read have that element in common."
I think that occurs in good relationships whether or not the couple is married. They still continue to be courteous to and appreciative of each other, and they continue doing lovemaking that pleases both of them. That means the woman still gets verbal and physical foreplay.
What kind of wooing and seducing did your hero and heroine continue to do after they became a couple? Sounds like a good book.
I've read that women who read romance novels tend to have higher sex drives and to be more interested in sex than are women who don't read such novels. I imagine that the same is true of women who write it even if those women don't realize it.
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Post by hopingforachange on Jun 7, 2017 9:53:24 GMT -5
Has your husband taken time to read the book? When I say read, I mean more then a speed read or looking for editoral errors. I would think if he did he would understand more of what your need. No he hasn't and said it could be a conflict of interest. I get what he means. He's thinking if he were to give me an opinion that it would hurt my feelings if he didn't like it. See, I used to write fanfiction and believe me, no one can be as harsh on a writer as those people lol. Because of that I have a thick skin when it comes to my writing. I know what I write isn't for everyone and that's cool. Do you have an existing story that could work for a discussion of what you need? He should only be reading for understanding of what is going on in your most important sex organ, your mind. There can not be a drop of critique but honest discussion of what you both need. Aka, if you want me to fuck your brains out every night, I need this. |
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 7, 2017 10:04:07 GMT -5
"I write erotic romance and self published my first book back in October. And even though me Hero and heroine are a couple the hero still continues with the whooing. Most of the books I read have that element in common." I think that occurs in good relationships whether or not the couple is married. They still continue to be courteous to and appreciative of each other, and they continue doing lovemaking that pleases both of them. That means the woman still gets verbal and physical foreplay. What kind of wooing and seducing did your hero and heroine continue to do after they became a couple? Sounds like a good book. I've read that women who read romance novels tend to have higher sex drives and to be more interested in sex than are women who don't read such novels. I imagine that the same is true of women who write it even if those women don't realize it. He does different things and not all of them sexual. In one scene she comments how she'd like to just blow something up. What does he do? He takes her to a shooting range. Lol of course my heroine loves guns too so it worked |
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 7, 2017 10:05:07 GMT -5
No he hasn't and said it could be a conflict of interest. I get what he means. He's thinking if he were to give me an opinion that it would hurt my feelings if he didn't like it. See, I used to write fanfiction and believe me, no one can be as harsh on a writer as those people lol. Because of that I have a thick skin when it comes to my writing. I know what I write isn't for everyone and that's cool. Do you have an existing story that could work for a discussion of what you need? He should only be reading for understanding of what is going on in your most important sex organ, your mind. There can not be a drop of critique but honest discussion of what you both need. Aka, if you want me to fuck your brains out every night, I need this. Lol maybe I should try that. At least if one of our family asks if he read the book he could say yes |
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Post by baza on Jun 7, 2017 23:11:50 GMT -5
I reckon this is a great example of how fucked ones' thinking can get in an ILIASM shithole environment. Where even something as basic and simple as a bit of cyber titillation can be fraught with angst. So you write a bit of porn, and you engage in cybersex. So what ? This ain't a problem Sister tiffanyc . Your marriage, yeah, THAT'S a problem. |
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 7, 2017 23:13:23 GMT -5
I reckon this is a great example of how fucked ones' thinking can get in an ILIASM shithole environment. Where even something as basic and simple as a bit of cyber titillation can be fraught with angst. So you write a bit of porn, and you engage in cybersex. So what ? This ain't a problem Sister tiffanyc . Your marriage, yeah, THAT'S a problem. lol baza your too much sister. 😂 |
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