Yes, I need a man

Your story has a lot of sides to it. One part is your old roommates attitude. Tomorrow I am going to my Divorce Recovery class. We will be discussing birth control, STD's, and sexuality. This is my second time with this class (different people) .The last time was 10 months ago, I had not filed for divorce yet.

I was taken back by the almost unifying, adamant attitude portraid by the women in our group, " I ain't never havin' sex with no man ever again!"

Well....it's disappointing, and wrong if that's what these woman are walking away thinking. That sex/intimacy is nothing but evil and any/all future experience is going to be miserable.

It concerns me that an attitude like that carries into all other aspects of your life, how you treat yourself, and how you treat others.
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Your story also reminds me of instances I have had talking with women. Being a stay at home dad/ child care worker/homeschooler,etc... I was around groups of all woman a lot. What's pretty rude is when you are having a conversation with one of them and another walks up and you are immediately interrupted, cut out of the conversation, and ignored. (I am not saying all woman, these are just my experiences) It's wicked out there! I imagine woman do this to other woman as well? Like you having to pretend with your roommate and her friends.

The other day I met an old aquatience at the grocery store. We used to talk at the bus stop together for several years. She is getting divorced. She was working a little wine sampling table and was dressed very classy. It was great to see her again. I've heard of there divorce,i know her boys, she's a very outgoing, bubbly, energetic, friendly person. I wanted to give her a whole lot of understanding, comfort, reassurance about her situation. I began to hear about it from her, when up walks another woman. The two ladies embrace one another and almost bump into me! The next thing I know the other one is pulling out pictures of her remodeled kitchen and the two of them are all giddy about kitchen cabinets! I was treated like I didn't exist.

I walked away quickly, (they didn't ever notice) thinking, "no wonder he divorced her."

Like your old roommate, it reminds me of the definition of a narc. "I want a man who's going to take charge and be the leader, but he better do what I tell him to do!"

Not the kind of woman I want to be looking for. I too want a woman, and she needs to be wanting a man, not just a trophy or a paycheck.

Awake, from your description, I wonder whether your old friends were sexual abuse survivors, perhaps having been victimized by pedophiles. The one thing that stood out in your story to me was that somehow you thought you were the abnormal one.

greatcoastal-- it's not all women, it's a personality thing. I did find my tribe of women friends (pretty sure most here would be) when I hosted a women's ski retreat for 13. I didn't care for all the women but six of them became fast friends I still keep in touch with today (though I live three hours away and can't see as often as I'd like now).  It was in taking a sauna with them, passing around a bottle of vodka, I learned I'm ok as is.  There's a story there but I'll save it for another day as I hate typing from my phone (let's just say the resort owner might still remember us...lol). 

Not sure my my roommate was a narcissist. Or are you calling me one? I don't think so? (I hope not?)  She's just very untrusting of men and truly doesn't like sex or touch. northstarmom... she was not abused as far as I know but I can't speak of her friends.  They were all deeply religious though.  

And @smartkat... exactly!!  

I wa thinking of your roommate. Whatever her story, she sounds very afraid to open up, submit, be vulnerable, take a risk, and give. She sounded more concerned with taking, what's in it for her, her needs only.

I've dealt with decades of that, and yet I am expected to forget all that and go out into the dating world all over again and do the leading and initiating.

I am more and more ready, as I feel better prepared to notice the red flags and move on. I've also known enough caring, giving, sharing women in my life as well. We treat each other with a shared respect.

Yes, shared respect, mutual respect.  Hold out for that.   😊   

Needing another person does not make your weak. Humans are social creatures.