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Post by Caris on Nov 22, 2017 21:31:50 GMT -5
Thank you! I am so tired of getting scolded because I prefer being in a relationship over being single. I know all the feminist arguments, and there is some merit in them. If you put all your self-esteem on whether or not a man (men) want you, you are making a mistake. A woman DOES need to have other ways to be happy and feel good. Friends, kids, career, whatever. However, I think it's a mistake for anybody (male/female/something else) to put all their eggs in one basket. And the people who scold me for wanting a partner never give me credit for doing all the other things. I *do* have a career. I *do* have friends. I *do* have interests. And I'm pretty good at entertaining myself. But even though I'm doing all the other things like I'm supposed to, I still want a partner. Haven’t you noticed that the ones who scold you are those in satisfying relationships? I got this a lot on EP, people who wrote about their great husband or boyfriend that I didn’t need a man. Yeah right, so easy for them to say, having all their needs met. I’m just glad to say that I’ve reached a point...it only took 40-years of loneliness and misery, where I don’t need a man, or even want one. Maybe, I will want one again, and maybe I won’t, but for now, I’m good as I am. |
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 23, 2017 6:26:19 GMT -5
I have a man, a good man, better than my refuser ex. He doesn’t meet all of my needs. He has frailties as I have mine. I am happy to have him in my life. I am happier with him than I was with my ex. Sometimes, however, I get angry at home. Sometimes those reasons are justified, sometimes I’m just prissy Due to reasons that have little to do with him. Sometimes I get depressed as depression is an illness I have and sometimes it comes out of the blue.
When I decided to divorce, I felt like a dead weight was off my shoulders. I was happier being a single than I was being married to a refuser who was indifferent toward me. I was miserable during the last years of my marriage. I was generally happy being single after. I am generally happy being in a couple now. I appreciate having romantic love in my life. I’m glad to be able to cuddle and have sex.
Still, I don’t feel my guy completes me not do I feel I would be constantly lonely or lost without him. I get pleasure out of doing some things without him including socializing with male and female friends and taking some classes. While I like traveling with him I also miss solo travel and I treasure getting some weekend time when I have the house to myself and my thoughts.
This man is the love of my life. If he dies before me or if we break up I will grieve and miss him but even if I’m never coupled again ( and since I’m 66 I expect he is my last love), I still will be able to be happy.
I have found it easier to be happy and uncoupled than alone in an unsatisfactory relationship.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2017 8:05:54 GMT -5
Gosh WindSister, I missed this one. You sure have some great insight on lots of issues. I know so many women like this. My wife is this way as is her sister, mother, and niece. And I'm afraid my wife is working my daughter into this mold. I'm afraid she's even working my son into it as well. I'm sure you know the male projection of the "Independent Man-Hating Woman". He's the "failing to launch" insecure "Boy" that's well aware he's an unnecessary accoutrement. It sucks.
I'm disappointed your roommate called herself a Christian. Disappointed, but not surprised. I've seen it all. Total lack of awareness or introspection.
But the dogs?!? Why?
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Post by elkclan2 on Nov 23, 2017 10:04:37 GMT -5
In one way, it makes complete and perfect sense to have a fear of men. After all, around 95% of convicted killers are men and most women who are murdered are killed by a man. For young women in particular, men can be a leading cause of death - fourth leading cause of death for women 15-25. And that's not even including physical and sexual assault. (Yes, yes, of course, women do sometimes kill men. Men can be victims of domestic violence. But the numbers are overwhelmingly that men kill women.)
That being said - I'm heterosexual - and despite the fact that most murderers are men, most men aren't murderers. I am a feminist, but I'm happier with a partner - but much happier without my SM partner.
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Post by WindSister on Nov 27, 2017 18:51:27 GMT -5
What you did was right for you. What she did was right for her. Two different people making their own choices. No wrong. No right. Just independent choices. I do, however, notice judgment in your tone about those who choose not to date and remain celibate, which includes myself. I do this because it’s right for me, at this time. I couldn’t do what you did. I’m not into serial dating and sex with strangers, but that’s me. You did what was okay for you, but what is okay for you, wouldn’t work for me, and obviously not your friend. I think we should let people “be,” and not criticize for making different choices than our own. I wasn't criticizing you or people like you. I was recalling how my roommate judged ME and I shared my view of it all. We all have different points of views. That's what makes the world so colorful. What I really want to say, though, is that We all come to this site looking to find ourselves, create ourselves Etc. I was just sharing how I processed the criticism I received from another person when it came to dating, having lots of sex and relationships. And to be fair, I sense judgement in your own post as well. We can not always worry about what others read from our posts. How I take things that you write is my responsibility and vice versa. You really aren't accepting me or letting me "be" by stating I should talk a different way. So it's a contradiction. I'm supposed to be accepting of others, but I can't have my own opinion. It's pretty much how it's been for me my whole entire life, just be quiet, be nice and get along. In real life, I really don't care who does what and I never criticized my friend for her choices, yet she criticized me. It just felt good to let my thoughts out about it. Yes, I have my opinions about things. It's ok if others don't like them. I totally let her be.... I did back then and I do now. But, Yeah, I have thoughts. |
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