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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2017 8:39:36 GMT -5
I know that I could outsource if I wanted to without getting caught. I have a lot of freedom and my wife would not suspect anything. She's highly intelligent in one way but in common sense, not so much. I've had opportunities in the past but did not follow up on them.
I worry that outsourcing may cloud my judgement. Right now, I'm trying to strengthen myself emotionally and physically. I could see my energy being used up with an affair partner. If I were going to outsource, I would want a close relationship with someone. Then my emotions would be involved and I may find myself thinking unclearly.
If something happened naturally and I found myself attracted to someone emotionally and physically. I would possible explore possibly outsourcing. At this current time, I'm not actively looking for an affair partner.
If you're planning on divorcing your wife, but stay for the kids. Then I could see where an affair partner may be viable. You've already made a decision to leave. There's no sense suffering if you don't have to.
I don't judge anyone for having an affair in a SM. The refusing spouse has pushed the issue on the refused. The refused spouse has the right to have an affair. Their partner is not meeting their needs. Nor does the partner want to meet their needs.
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Post by doneanddone on Jun 9, 2017 13:41:41 GMT -5
I outsourced. I was faithful for 21 years and Feb. 2014 I called time of death on my marriage and became a counter refuser, not that I was going to be given the opportunity to exercise that right. I went on AM to find a man to have sex with. We did sex was great! He was in a SM too. I have no regrets about outsourcing because it clarified a lot of doubts I had about myself. During that first encounter, after round 2, I asked him a lot of questions wondering if something was wrong with me. Am I not tight after 2 kids?, do I not give a good blow job? Etc. I realized that nothing was wrong with me and how amazing good sex is. I never had sex like that with my H. I was very happy that I took that risk. I know with the risk came consequences if I were caught and I was prepared to face the consequences. I never got caught. For me with outsourcing the reward outweighed the risk. I also believe that if I did not do that I might still be in my marriage, with no confidence and depressed. It opened my eyes to what sex between two people should be like. This was with a man that's not my H but there was more intimacy than my own H so that was a comparison. I met my AP June of 2014, he is now my FWB. He is happily married and he knows I am dating and we help each other when we can. So in summary outsourcing was a positive experience for me because I was ok if the marriage blew up in my face. I was prepared to accept the consequences. It also motivated me to divorce so I didn't have to sneak around. So what is "AM"? I am at the point of calling time of death as well....BUT.... I have a pre-plan in place that is a show stopper. My wife and I have discussed in grave detail all the options, all the issues, all the reasons for her not wanting to have sex or the lack of her wanting sex. She can call it what she wants....LL, mental, physical, self esteem, self conscious, I'll even give her the medical reason if she wants but she is not inclined to go to a doctor even for a simple routine checkup so I'm at the end of mine and her rope. SO, my pre-plan as I call it, and the discussion for this has also been had between my wife and I.....next week I go to the doctors and I get a vasectomy. We both agree we do not want any more children AND her #1 every time all time reason for shying away from sex is the old getting pregnant again card. Well after next week and a few weeks after that once I am given the green light to have sex without a condom, ensuring there will be no accidents, we will see just how much of a fear that is for her. I have a very sneaky suspicion that this isn't going to change anything for us. Having to wait a few extra weeks is nothing since I am already not getting any so nothing I can't handle. I'm actually looking forward to this. We've had the conversation of more kids and we both are good with where we are with ours now and don't want anymore. This will be a true test of honesty for her even though I never have questioned her about it, I've just accepted things as they are but now I am ready for a change and this may be the most radical change to be making but it is a step moving forward for me and that is a positive instead of just living day in and day out of my SM without any movement. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 9, 2017 13:59:50 GMT -5
I outsourced. I was faithful for 21 years and Feb. 2014 I called time of death on my marriage and became a counter refuser, not that I was going to be given the opportunity to exercise that right. I went on AM to find a man to have sex with. We did sex was great! He was in a SM too. I have no regrets about outsourcing because it clarified a lot of doubts I had about myself. During that first encounter, after round 2, I asked him a lot of questions wondering if something was wrong with me. Am I not tight after 2 kids?, do I not give a good blow job? Etc. I realized that nothing was wrong with me and how amazing good sex is. I never had sex like that with my H. I was very happy that I took that risk. I know with the risk came consequences if I were caught and I was prepared to face the consequences. I never got caught. For me with outsourcing the reward outweighed the risk. I also believe that if I did not do that I might still be in my marriage, with no confidence and depressed. It opened my eyes to what sex between two people should be like. This was with a man that's not my H but there was more intimacy than my own H so that was a comparison. I met my AP June of 2014, he is now my FWB. He is happily married and he knows I am dating and we help each other when we can. So in summary outsourcing was a positive experience for me because I was ok if the marriage blew up in my face. I was prepared to accept the consequences. It also motivated me to divorce so I didn't have to sneak around. So what is "AM"? I am at the point of calling time of death as well....BUT.... I have a pre-plan in place that is a show stopper. My wife and I have discussed in grave detail all the options, all the issues, all the reasons for her not wanting to have sex or the lack of her wanting sex. She can call it what she wants....LL, mental, physical, self esteem, self conscious, I'll even give her the medical reason if she wants but she is not inclined to go to a doctor even for a simple routine checkup so I'm at the end of mine and her rope. SO, my pre-plan as I call it, and the discussion for this has also been had between my wife and I.....next week I go to the doctors and I get a vasectomy. We both agree we do not want any more children AND her #1 every time all time reason for shying away from sex is the old getting pregnant again card. Well after next week and a few weeks after that once I am given the green light to have sex without a condom, ensuring there will be no accidents, we will see just how much of a fear that is for her. I have a very sneaky suspicion that this isn't going to change anything for us. Having to wait a few extra weeks is nothing since I am already not getting any so nothing I can't handle. I'm actually looking forward to this. We've had the conversation of more kids and we both are good with where we are with ours now and don't want anymore. This will be a true test of honesty for her even though I never have questioned her about it, I've just accepted things as they are but now I am ready for a change and this may be the most radical change to be making but it is a step moving forward for me and that is a positive instead of just living day in and day out of my SM without any movement. AM is Ashley Madison it's a cheating site for married people. I knew a man whose wife played the no sex - fear of pregnancy card. He got a vasectomy, it changed nothing. They are now divorced. |
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Post by doneanddone on Jun 9, 2017 14:08:31 GMT -5
So what is "AM"? I am at the point of calling time of death as well....BUT.... I have a pre-plan in place that is a show stopper. My wife and I have discussed in grave detail all the options, all the issues, all the reasons for her not wanting to have sex or the lack of her wanting sex. She can call it what she wants....LL, mental, physical, self esteem, self conscious, I'll even give her the medical reason if she wants but she is not inclined to go to a doctor even for a simple routine checkup so I'm at the end of mine and her rope. SO, my pre-plan as I call it, and the discussion for this has also been had between my wife and I.....next week I go to the doctors and I get a vasectomy. We both agree we do not want any more children AND her #1 every time all time reason for shying away from sex is the old getting pregnant again card. Well after next week and a few weeks after that once I am given the green light to have sex without a condom, ensuring there will be no accidents, we will see just how much of a fear that is for her. I have a very sneaky suspicion that this isn't going to change anything for us. Having to wait a few extra weeks is nothing since I am already not getting any so nothing I can't handle. I'm actually looking forward to this. We've had the conversation of more kids and we both are good with where we are with ours now and don't want anymore. This will be a true test of honesty for her even though I never have questioned her about it, I've just accepted things as they are but now I am ready for a change and this may be the most radical change to be making but it is a step moving forward for me and that is a positive instead of just living day in and day out of my SM without any movement. AM is Ashley Madison it's a cheating site for married people. I knew a man whose wife played the no sex - fear of pregnancy card. He got a vasectomy, it changed nothing. They are now divorced. Ok... I've heard of that site. They got hacked a few years back and people went crazy over the names that were released to the public. I too have heard that exact same situation. I never thought I would be in there shoes but yet here I am. Like I said I'm good with no more kids. I'm selfish and don't want to share the one I do have with any siblings so call me crazy but this is just my way of doing something instead of nothing which is what I have been doing for the past 6 years. Besides if things don't change I'll be good to go with outsourcing with no fear of an accident happening....lol.... OK that sounded bad but kinda funny....true but a little funny. And if things were to not work out and divorce was the end result, any relationship I would be upfront about it and me not wanting kids or being able to produce could be a deal breaker and I can live with that. I just can't keep living the way I am now. |
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Post by baza on Jun 10, 2017 0:26:28 GMT -5
I think Brother doneanddone it might be smart to fill a cup with your blow and get it frozen before you get the snip. If you meet some chick in the future, fatherhood may come into that new equation, and having some stored blow up your sleeve would be easier to manage than a chancy procedure to try and reverse the snip. |
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Post by snowman12345 on Jun 10, 2017 5:32:00 GMT -5
AM is Ashley Madison it's a cheating site for married people. I knew a man whose wife played the no sex - fear of pregnancy card. He got a vasectomy, it changed nothing. They are now divorced. Ok... I've heard of that site. They got hacked a few years back and people went crazy over the names that were released to the public. I too have heard that exact same situation. I never thought I would be in there shoes but yet here I am. Like I said I'm good with no more kids. I'm selfish and don't want to share the one I do have with any siblings so call me crazy but this is just my way of doing something instead of nothing which is what I have been doing for the past 6 years. Besides if things don't change I'll be good to go with outsourcing with no fear of an accident happening....lol.... OK that sounded bad but kinda funny....true but a little funny. And if things were to not work out and divorce was the end result, any relationship I would be upfront about it and me not wanting kids or being able to produce could be a deal breaker and I can live with that. I just can't keep living the way I am now. I was a member of AM when it was hacked - no problems here - W didn't bother to look. I did and I was one of the people exposed. Still it didn't effect me much. |
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