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Post by Caris on May 23, 2017 0:12:25 GMT -5
I never thought I'd be on this board again, and I'm not sure why I am, except I feel lost and can't sleep.
It's coming up to the two year mark since I've been on my own. I haven't dated, or had any kind of relationship with anyone since my marriage ended. I have lived more or less as a recluse, and just needed to heal. Last month, I felt that I had made progress, and had reached a milestone, psychologically speaking, but today I received news that he had passed away, and I'm bereft. I don't know what to do with myself.
I never made friends here after my move. I didn't have the energy to make the effort. I was thoroughly burned out from the marriage, divorce, and other traumatic events that I (we) had been dealing with for a very long time, so I have no support network, except my eldest son. I haven't told my youngest son yet. Can't face it just yet because he's not in a good place right now, and he's alone in another country.
Anyway, as I'm no longer in a SM, and I've resigned myself to being alone for the rest of my life, I don't belong here, but I needed not to be alone tonight, and I wanted familiarity. It doesn't even matter if I'm talking to myself. I need comfort, and writing makes me feel not so alone. Our marriage was very unhappy, but 25-years is a long time, and tonight my world feels emptier than yesterday.
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Post by merrygoround on May 23, 2017 0:15:38 GMT -5
Caris I am so very sorry for how you are feeling. You're not alone. You were in a 25 year marriage - of course you will feel enormous and often conflicting emotions because of that. Please, keep posting here. You will have friends and support here. Hugs.
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Post by Caris on May 23, 2017 0:22:37 GMT -5
Thank you merrygoround. I don't have much to post about as I'm no longer married, and haven't dated, so nothing to write really, except my husband's passing. I can't even call him my ex right now. Now that he's gone, I only want to say "my husband." Strange how grief expresses itself. |
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Post by lwoetin on May 23, 2017 0:28:59 GMT -5
Caris, you are always welcome here. I forgot why you left. Still have the usual suspects hanging around here. And more new members too. I post meaningless stuff but I feel better after doing so.
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Hello
May 23, 2017 0:39:51 GMT -5
via mobile
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Post by Caris on May 23, 2017 0:39:51 GMT -5
Hello @iwoetin. Nice to see you again. A familiar "face." Like I said to merrygoround, I don't have much to contribute after two years, but good to see people I know.
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Post by merrygoround on May 23, 2017 2:17:17 GMT -5
Caris I didn't know you before and I've only been here but a little while, but I would say that your experiences and advice would still be relevant. It is all part of your journey from your SM onwards - something that some are working towards and I would welcome your stories. x
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Hello
May 23, 2017 2:50:23 GMT -5
Caris likes this
Post by solodriver on May 23, 2017 2:50:23 GMT -5
Caris I'm so sorry for your loss. You are always welcome here and you have friends here anytime!
Hugs
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Post by baza on May 23, 2017 3:19:17 GMT -5
Hello Sister CarisMy ex missus passed away unexpectedly in April 2015. We split in October 2009. So I can identify a bit with where you are right now. Thinking of you at this time. baz |
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Post by bballgirl on May 23, 2017 5:44:05 GMT -5
CarisI'm sorry for your loss. You are not alone and your family is in my thoughts. Hugs.
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Post by GeekGoddess on May 23, 2017 6:33:02 GMT -5
Caris - I have thought of you recently and I am glad to see you write, even though it is with sad news. I'm glad you knew that posting here could give you a little relief, a little bit of comfort. It is strange how grief expresses. Let it express is the only thing to do. I believe the death of our SM spouse is a very valid topic to post on - whether we are still with them or not with them. I value your voice, your expression of you. I'm glad you shared here. Love you, sister.
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Hello
May 23, 2017 6:51:39 GMT -5
Caris likes this
Post by greatcoastal on May 23, 2017 6:51:39 GMT -5
Hello Caris!
I still see your name and picture in my following group.( I keep it there, hoping to hear from you again!)
I wonder how you are doing?
I think about you. I remember your story.
It's super nice to hear back from you!
My 25th wedding anniversary is coming up, my marriage is dead. My divorce will be going on a year. I'll be moving, a new job, starting over. I'll know no one. See others understand, and have much in common.
You deserve to be wanted, and cherished, just like the rest of us.
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Hello
May 23, 2017 6:57:31 GMT -5
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Post by McRoomMate on May 23, 2017 6:57:31 GMT -5
Caris Welcome back though sad for the news. I am one of the new faces. Actually my first wife passed away a few years after our divorce ( I am in the middle of getting out of my second marriage). It was very hard on our daughter. As has been said: You are not alone here. My Deep condolences and Empathies sent to you.
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Hello
May 23, 2017 7:37:42 GMT -5
via mobile
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Post by novembercomingfire on May 23, 2017 7:37:42 GMT -5
Caris, you have been missed. I am sorry that you must pass through this.
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Hello
May 23, 2017 10:45:56 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Caris on May 23, 2017 10:45:56 GMT -5
Caris I'm so sorry for your loss. You are always welcome here and you have friends here anytime! Hugs Thank you for your kindness, Solo. |
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Hello
May 23, 2017 10:54:33 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Caris on May 23, 2017 10:54:33 GMT -5
Hello Sister CarisMy ex missus passed away unexpectedly in April 2015. We split in October 2009. So I can identify a bit with where you are right now. Thinking of you at this time. baz Hello baz. I actually thought of you after I received the news. Maybe it's what brought me here. I knew you, and maybe some others, had gone through it. A sense of familiarity, maybe. We need "The known" when grief or loss hits us. It was unexpected for me too. Just came out of the blue, so it was a shock. Can't sleep, just crying through the night, so feel drained. Hoping my doc can give me a sedative. Still haven't told my youngest. Can't face it right now. Thank you. |
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