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Post by baza on Jun 27, 2017 18:57:29 GMT -5
I have just finished reading your most recent - and brilliant - T-Minus post. "Is this the same shamwow who initially posted back in 2016 ?" I asked myself. Wow. Have you got your shit sorted out or what !! |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2017 21:18:01 GMT -5
What an amazing post! This could be published somewhere, I think. Seriously. shamwow |
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Post by JMX on Jun 27, 2017 23:08:50 GMT -5
shamwow - that was THE MOST Beautiful post I have ever read here. I wish it (at least) had it's own thread.
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Post by merrygoround on Jun 27, 2017 23:51:41 GMT -5
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Post by shamwow on Jun 28, 2017 6:43:05 GMT -5
I have just finished reading your most recent - and brilliant - T-Minus post. "Is this the same shamwow who initially posted back in 2016 ?" I asked myself. Wow. Have you got your shit sorted out or what !! Thanks Baz. I've got SOME shit sorted out but there is still a lot of junk in the basement. One thing I didn't mention is that I'm also in the middle of reading the book "The subtle art of not giving a fuck". It also spoke to me on this trip. There will be more highs and lows. Got a low to post later today but as time goes by they are starting to even out. But I think I will always have shit to sort out. I guess it's called living. |
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T-Minus
Jun 28, 2017 6:49:51 GMT -5
Post by nancyb on Jun 28, 2017 6:49:51 GMT -5
I have just finished reading your most recent - and brilliant - T-Minus post. "Is this the same shamwow who initially posted back in 2016 ?" I asked myself. Wow. Have you got your shit sorted out or what !! Here, here. Way to go Shamwow!! xo |
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Post by nancyb on Jun 28, 2017 6:51:17 GMT -5
It's so funny. I almost purchased the book you are reading about not giving a fuck and then I realized. I am already there.  |
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T-Minus
Jun 28, 2017 7:11:10 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by shamwow on Jun 28, 2017 7:11:10 GMT -5
It's so funny. I almost purchased the book you are reading about not giving a fuck and then I realized. I am already there. How are YOU doing Nancy? How are you adjusting to the move? |
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 28, 2017 7:17:35 GMT -5
shamwow[Slow clap] You did that weekend right. As good as you felt and at peace, I can tell you that you will be so much happier and at peace as time goes by. I'm happy for you and your future! Congrats on mission accomplished! Good choice with Three Doors Down.
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Post by nancyb on Jun 28, 2017 8:05:30 GMT -5
Shamwow: I an finally feeling 'at home' in my new place. Took a good couple of weeks even surrounded by the few possessions I brought with me. I have limited my contact with my former spouse because I found it too hard seeing him for the time being. We send each other emails. I am getting out and exploring the city with some friends and my FWB continues to be mostly a friend with the occasional benefit. Unfortunately his libido does not match mine so I see it being a summer affair. I'm scared and excited at the same time. It does feel like I've come alive again after so long. Good luck! |
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Post by WindSister on Jun 28, 2017 8:28:32 GMT -5
Very inspiring. Way to really take care of yourself over the weekend and "be" with yourself. That will do wonders for you! It's definitely a big moment, time, new chapter and you are entering it with a positive mindset. You will thrive, no doubt! Congrats on your continued sobriety, as well.
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Post by shamwow on Jun 28, 2017 9:54:05 GMT -5
T-Plus-12: Move out of house T-Minus-?: Divorce Finalized T-Minus-3: Move into new house Well, it looks pretty obvious that stage 3 of my particular rocket is going to fire off before stage 2. In a real rocket, that would be...unfortunate. In my particular journey, it's all good. Last night I had another first. My wife and I have already started following the custody schedule we will adhere to after the divorce. This week, my daughter is staying out of town with a friend, so this just left my son. As of last night, I hadn't seen him since last Thursday. That part really sucks. I'm a very active dad, and losing daily access to the kids is probably the biggest reason I engaged in so many years of self-torture. I wanted to keep that family intact. So last night, I went to his baseball practice as I usually do on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have coached a ton at higher levels, but we are new to this team and we have 7 coaches (on an 11 player team), so I just kind of chime in as the head coach asks. I'll do as little or as much as requested. Because I've coached a bunch in the past, I try to be the kind of parent a coach wants to have. After practice, my son was...brooding? I don't really know what the right term was. There was a bit of an uncomfortable gap that usually isn't there. He is a quiet kid. He doesn't talk much. He DEFINITELY gets that from his mother . Shammy ain't exactly quiet. But I got him to open up a bit and we talked a bit about our respective weekends. Pretty soon, we were back to mostly normal...A goofy dad and a quiet kid. That's OK. I took him for a milkshake at Sonic afterwards and texted my wife to see if it was OK if we looked at TVs. She didn't have a problem, so we went to Best Buy to look. We do need a couple TVs at the new house since my wife is getting the main one in the living room. We saw some TVs we liked, but that wasn't the point. The point was spending time with him, joking, and being...well...normal. My wife was staying at a nearby hotel last night, so I brought him over there afterwards. We went up to the room, He stood on the bed, and performed a very poorly executed flying chokehold on me. I'm 6 foot 2 and weigh about 205 pounds, so a 100 pound 13 year old boy isn't going to be able to easily take me down. Especially with a poorly-formed rear naked choke. But I fell to the bed, and started tickling him. He let go and we did some light roughhousing. After a few minutes, I stopped and said that I probably needed to go. My wife agreed...kindly...not harsh, but we both knew that I needed to go. So I grabbed a bag that the kids will need next week, said bye to my son (he's not a hugger), and exited the room. When the door shut, I realized that this is pretty much how it's going to be now. Sometimes, I will just be visiting my kids. Sometimes they will be staying with me. But in both cases one thing will be the same. I will still be my kid's dad. I will always be my kid's dad. Is it enough to be a part-time dad? I hope so. Whether I like it or not, this is the path I've chosen. Time will tell, but the fact that my wife and I are behaving as parents who love their kids will hopefully make all the difference. |
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T-Minus
Jun 28, 2017 10:22:51 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by bballgirl on Jun 28, 2017 10:22:51 GMT -5
shamwowYou and your wife are doing excellent during this transitional time. You are working together and respecting boundaries. It gets to feel more normal but there's always a touch of weird. When my ex and I leave, one of us taking the kids, it's : "Love you" to the kids and bye to each other. It is what it is. Life goes on after divorce, kids turn 18, and we have to make our own lives a happy one.
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Post by shamwow on Jun 28, 2017 10:47:56 GMT -5
shamwow You and your wife are doing excellent during this transitional time. You are working together and respecting boundaries. It gets to feel more normal but there's always a touch of weird. When my ex and I leave, one of us taking the kids, it's : "Love you" to the kids and bye to each other. It is what it is. Life goes on after divorce, kids turn 18, and we have to make our own lives a happy one. Well, it's been "love you" to the kids and "have a good day" to each other for quite some time now, so at least that part of the transition will be easier. |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 29, 2017 13:56:41 GMT -5
T-Plus-13: Move out of house
T-Minus-?: Divorce Finalized
T-Minus-2: Move into new house
Well wife's attorney still hasn't responded to the divorce petition, so second stage ignition is on hold. Third stage is a go. Paid my first month's rent yesterday and bought my daughter's bedroom furniture yesterday. It kind of says something that IKEA wanted $75 to deliver her furniture and $250 to put it together. Seems like spending the $250 is a good deal if it is that fucking hard. I've never bought anything from IKEA before, but I've heard horror stories and am disinclined to try assembling this while I have movers, utilities, mattress people, and other furniture people all converging on my house.
Did I mention I fucking hate IKEA? Why do they make you follow that path through the store? I treat shopping like a military operation. Get in. Accomplish the objective. Get the hell out. Ok, back to my Zen peace...LOL
My son is at the Astros game with my dad this afternoon. My parents have been AMAZING in helping me, even to the point of putting up my wife for a few weeks after I move out. I'd be in a real world of hurt without their support and try to thank them profusely every day for it. It does feel a bit of a cop out for it to be my time with my son and asking my parents to help. But I've got to work, and my wife has entered the world of work. That leaves us to ask for help. I'm just so grateful that help is available. But it does feel kind of crappy that I can't be "super dad" and take care of these things myself. I'm sure that after 16 years of being a SAHM my wife is feeling this even more acutely.
My daughter gets back from her trip tomorrow, and we will all be together tomorrow night to get ready for the big move Saturday morning. I think I have everything lined up. Bought a coffee table yesterday. It is one of those kind that the table top rises up and slides towards you on the couch. It's kind of like a coffee table that turns into a big ass TV tray. My son and I took a liking to it almost immediately. A single buddy of mine has one which is why I went looking for it. Maybe it's a guy thing.
No real profound insights today (other than IKEA sucks the sweat off a dead man's balls). Some days are like that. In 2 days, another stage fires, and the roller coaster starts up again. I will get to see exactly which of my belongings survived the storage unit avalanche last month (my stacked boxes suffered a catastrophic failure at the bottom and everything cascaded in a god-awful crushed mess). But it is what it is. It's just stuff.
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