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Post by merrygoround on May 20, 2017 9:25:21 GMT -5
Agreed. My H is 16 yrs older than me. However our issues go back to when he was in his early 40s. It's the attitude about it all and the willingness to work on things which will give you some clues.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 20, 2017 9:36:19 GMT -5
Agreed. My H is 16 yrs older than me. However our issues go back to when he was in his early 40s. It's the attitude about it all and the willingness to work on things which will give you some clues. It also opens up your mind to your spouse's attitude toward their controlling behavior, and how it has affected you, and so many other aspects of your marriage. Not a very level playing field, when one is up on a pedestal is it? shrink4men.com/2012/04/05/putting-women-on-pedestals-dont-do-it/ This applies to woman who have men on pedestals too!! |
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Post by northstarmom on May 20, 2017 10:04:52 GMT -5
When I divorced, I knew that I would no longer be able to afford to live in my house, which was my dream house. Before selling it, I also had it renovated. It then became my SPECTACULAR dream house. It sold quickly. Even though I live 10 minutes away and still have friends in that neighborhood, I have never driven past my house again.
I now live with my post SM partner in his house, a place that I would never have purchased.
Do I miss my house? Yes. Am I glad that I divorced? Yes. Even if I were living alone in an abode that I didn't think was attractive, I'd still rather live alone in mediocre surroundings than to live in a dream house with a man who didn't love me the way I experience love. My dream house was like being in a prison. Nothing is more lonely than being alone in a romantic relationship even if you're living in a castle. I will never be able to afford a house as nice as the one I had to sell due to the divorce. But now, I have the ability to live in a real home.
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Post by bballgirl on May 20, 2017 10:19:33 GMT -5
When I divorced, I knew that I would no longer be able to afford to live in my house, which was my dream house. Before selling it, I also had it renovated. It then became my SPECTACULAR dream house. It sold quickly. Even though I live 10 minutes away and still have friends in that neighborhood, I have never driven past my house again. I now live with my post SM partner in his house, a place that I would never have purchased. Do I miss my house? Yes. Am I glad that I divorced? Yes. Even if I were living alone in an abode that I didn't think was attractive, I'd still rather live alone in mediocre surroundings than to live in a dream house with a man who didn't love me the way I experience love. My dream house was like being in a prison. Nothing is more lonely than being alone in a romantic relationship even if you're living in a castle. I will never be able to afford a house as nice as the one I had to sell due to the divorce. But now, I have the ability to live in a real home. Yes there's a difference between a house and a home. |
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Post by lyn on May 20, 2017 10:36:55 GMT -5
He says sex is something that never occurs to him. He kept rejecting me and knew how much I was suffering because of it. I asked him if he fancied me and his reply was 'I don't know'. I was devastated. S He is cruel and abusive. You are not cheating, you are outsourcing the job he refuses to do. I say sell the house & get a divorce. You will be better off in a one bedroom apartment than with a man who doesn't love you. Ditto - exactly what FlashJohn said. |
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Post by McRoomMate on May 20, 2017 11:00:37 GMT -5
Hoping for a change - No I could not go back to being with H and only H. Since I have seen the desire in another man's eyes for me, I've realised this was what was missing, even if I didn't know it at the time. A man who wants me passionately. Would it last? Well who knows. But I feel happy for the first time in years and that's got to count for something right? I've had quite a bit of interest previously. But nothing I was willing to risk everything for before him. Actually I too just separated from my W and falling madly in love with a new lady and I cannot overemphasize the "madly" part. Just wild passion. Now we are about 6 months into the relationship and the crazy in love phase seems to be subsiding. Will this last? F--k if I know. She already complained I work too much and that is not going to change, but generally the chemistry is just fantastic. One of my friends mentioned the term REBOUND relationship - this is a proven scenario that I have even experienced in my past. But I dont think we know it is a "rebound" until afterwards and it is a historical analysis from a safe distance. What is the cliche better to regret something you did than something you did not do? There is some truth to that. Divorce = Massive disruption, emotional roller coaster from Hell, and no guarantees things will be better . . . but is there any guarantee in life about anything really? I would go back to you being relatively young and without any facts I am quite convinced a better relationship should be along the way and not too far off. Just my gut and intuition telling me that. And when I mean "better" I mean the chemistry between your new man (either the current or the next) and yourself. Will the financial situation be better? Hmm, possibly not. I too have looked at the cash/prizes vs. the passion. And it aint so simple a decision because there are also a myriad of other considerations some objective some subjective and you can spin the analysis and decision any way with enough thought. |
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Post by Venus Erotes on May 20, 2017 15:13:22 GMT -5
Just getting old does not mean a sex drive will drop. All it means is medicine or lube to assist. The assistant living communities have one of the highest rates of new STD cases, so the old folks are still gettin' jiggy wit it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! We seriously need to get together for coffee  |
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Post by dinnaken on May 20, 2017 15:43:29 GMT -5
So "old folks are still gettin' jiggy wit it"
As I leave my marriage, I'm relieved to hear it - there might be hope for me yet...
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Post by northstarmom on May 20, 2017 16:08:01 GMT -5
So "old folks are still gettin' jiggy wit it" As I leave my marriage, I'm relieved to hear it - there might be hope for me yet... I'm mid 60s as in my post sm lover. We usually hav sex several times a week.Cialis works. |
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Post by McRoomMate on May 20, 2017 16:12:51 GMT -5
My Grandfather (RIP) was popping viagra and loving it well into his late 80s.
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Post by McRoomMate on May 20, 2017 16:13:28 GMT -5
One of my buddies is 71 years old and he confirmed he is having the "best sex of his life" right now.
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Post by dinnaken on May 20, 2017 16:14:29 GMT -5
Hi northstarmom, Thanks Joking aside, the prospect of starting again is intimidating. You and your lover will serve as inspiration for me. |
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Post by merrygoround on May 21, 2017 1:03:15 GMT -5
My parents are heading for their 50th wedding anniversary this year, both in their early 70s. Enjoy a healthy and active sex life. Go mum and dad! Lol
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Post by nolongerlonely on May 21, 2017 2:23:38 GMT -5
One of my friends told me her parents are the same as yours sister merrygoround, I think this knowledge amongst many other things was one of the first times I felt deeply emotional about rectifying a life that I no longer enjoy being part of.
I bought, largely with my own money, the 'dream home' 14 years ago. I've been wrestling with the desire to 'outsource' for a number of years. I've worried about the social stigma of the divorce, and the logistical and financial implications involved with it all, as I no longer earn a great income as I once did - I cant afford to just up-sticks and leave,as the home is also a business,and the original one I started 31 years ago also is here. So we will have to divide everything while living here. It wont be easy, I have a partner with a vicious, uncontrolled temper, I have to reluctantly admit, that at times I am quite simply scared of her.
BUT, its all going to be worth doing if there is the chance to find happiness - the sort of happiness I have dreamed of since a teenager, the sort of happiness that I thought perhaps didnt exist for anyone, until my friend told me about her parents, and until I found this forum only about 2 months ago.
Only yesterday, I looked at a modest house from across the street while walking the dog. This house is probably worth 1/10 of mine (''ours''). but I stood there, looking at it, thinking 'I wonder if the people who live there are happy ? - Happy with each other'. And all I could think, was if they are, what incredibly fortunate people they must be. I want to be one of those people. I'd be happy living in that house, if I had a partner I loved in every way, and had a wonderful physical relationship with. In fact I would probably run around the place naked every so often just to remind myself how fantastic life had become. Not like the dreary,passionless, anger infested world I live in, looking out through the hand made windows wondering why I have managed to throw a good chunk of my life away on something that has been from day 1, a sham.
Oh, and dont feel guilty. As others have said, you have only reached that place because your partner failed to commit to his vows. How sad, that an attractive,caring, sexually charged person should give up a part of his or her life in order to live with what was a lie in the first place. He's the one who should feel guilty. But as others have said, the courts might not see it that way.
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Post by sorelievedifoundyou on May 21, 2017 5:23:18 GMT -5
Awesome post, Lonely. I can so identify with this. I often walk my dogs past a tiny but beautiful little house 5 mins from where I live. The lady lives on her own with a golden retriever and has lots of pot plants outside that I often see her watering. I look at her and think, that could be me!
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