Honesty. How important is it to you?

I'm​ fine with lying to avoid hurting someone...size doesn't matter. Otherwise honesty is very important.

Yes...the"does my bum look big in this?" type of lies I call diplomacy.

I don't know. There is a huge range of "lies" ranging from "That new hair style makes you look great" to "I love you"

If we all spoke in complete honesty at all times about everything, the world would look a bit like the movie "The Purge."

The matter if further complicated by the fact that what we often consider a "lie" often depends upon our point of view. Us humans are very subjective creatures. Two people seeing the exact same event often see two very different things. Add in the way we process those things? Layer on top of that our psyche? It can be impossible to insist on ABSOLUTE honesty.

I think that the motivation behind a "lie" is critical. If it is to save someone's feelings (hair doo), then it is probably a "good" like. If it is something to help yourself (i.e. saying I love you to get into someone's pants when you don't), then that is probably a "bad" lie.

I'm not sure if this makes me a keen student of the human condition or a dirty lying worm.

But again, that's subjective too.

probably start with positive side first before being honest about some negative aspect. That dish tasted delicious, it will also taste good if it is more....

my 12yr old was playing video game online and my wife insisted he stop to eat. He screamed back, I don't want to eat your shit food. He ended up cooking frozen pizza by himself. I don't want to eat frozen pizza every day.

Here's a personal example I find myself doing. I think I'm being" honest" by saying, "I really don't like doing that", or "It's okay, but that music is not my favorite".

Like my STBXs singing. I can't remember a time when she ever asked if I liked her singing, liked her voice, liked her choice of music, wanted to hear it at certain times, certain lengths of times, and around certain people. The "cooperation" was forced upon me. The truth? She's never taken lessons, she needs it. Her voice cracks and goes all over the place. It is forced on everyone in the house, with no consideration to any one else's preference. Standing next to her in church and hearing it for years! I'd rather not!

I call them "half truth's". Half truths are given out of convenience, and a lack of really taking the time to dig much deeper. Deeper feelings of fear, obligation, guilt, or shame. Many times for me it takes reading what someone else wrote. Others can put the words in effect so much better! I can later say, " That's the other half, that annoys me too". Or "I feel the same thing and can give multiple examples, know that I think of it".

My brain doesn't work that fast! I can't spew out logical, deep philosophical problems, going all the way back to my child hood years, (or just two weeks ago ) and wrap it all into one or two hard hitting, factual sentences.

Speaking of taking the time, when you deal with someone who doesn't want to really hear your opinion, doesn't want too try and understand your point of view, doesn't want to compromise on much of anything, Is a master of stopping your thoughts when you take a breath and deflecting any blame by inflicting more manipulation, how can you be "honest" with them?

Honesty given to a manipulative controller, lands on deaf ears. This is most likely why so many don't last long in counselling.
Honesty is also a trust issue. Trust earns being vulnerable opening up, exposing true, raw emotions. Parallel to intimacy and sex. A large factor in marriage and wedding vows.

By confronting your H's white lies are you giving or taking? I believe you are giving. If handled in a giving manor you are giving them the opportunity, to do a number of things. Communicate, be vulnerable, be listened too, be understood, be valued, be allowed to have an opinion, a point of view, share an explanation, etc.... They may not be able to handle that. Like a "I'm too tired" answer. You will have to dig deeper. That's a lot of caring and giving. Let's say it happens. They open up. How long does it last? Will they "white lie" about the same thing, or something different tomorrow? Are they just taking from you, taking advantage of your forgiveness, and understanding so they can continue to take more from you? Just be aware of the end less tread mill.

Then there's what a taker does. The confront you, to find the least bit of flaws in your behavior,(mistakes that everyone does, like a white lie, or half lie, from time to time) and blow it out of proportion, generalize it, and use it against you, to continue to make you feel guilty, shameful, and in doubt. More and more taking.

Some good things came out of Sunday School. I can't remember how old I was, but the teacher said that lying to ones' self, as opposed to another, is far worse. I'm sure I was 8, or so, and think it's interesting that those words made sense to me.

I don't like being a "liar," whether it's my roommate or me that I'm lying to. However, if I'm lying to myself, I can't be authentic on any level, my integrity diminishes. Lying to myself convolutes everything.