Is marriage for everyone?

Marriage is an excellent institution for two people who love each other and want to commit their lives to living that love in all its forms. It is an excellent institution for the raising of children. A less committed relationship would blow up the first time bumps were hit in the road and leave the kids stranded. It is also a good institution for forming political alliances and building strong family bonds.

I, like you, followed the script our society wrote for me almost verbatim. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with the script, but you damn well better be sure you picked the right co-star of the show. In my case, an extreme lack of sexual compatibility mixed with truly NOTHING in common to create a time bomb that went off at almost exactly the 20 year mark. Now as I'm hauling boxes to a storage unit at night I am dealing with the wreckage of my poor judgment.

If it reassures you, I think that many of us question the script a few decades into the mix, especially if we've been battered and bruised by it. I've gone straight and narrow too. Sometimes it is a source of pride for me, other times, I feel like a sucker. All we can do is the best we can and try not to make the same mistakes twice.

I cannot see a reason to ever get married again. My kids will both be out of the house in a few years and my STBX and I co-parent very well. No need to interview for the step-mom position. I know how to cook for myself and have never been of the school that I need someone to pick up after me. I do see the need to have some fun when I get out (three year drought makes you quite thirsty), but don't feel the need to seek or receive a blessing from a church or the state on my choices.

If the lady doesn't share the same perspective, no hard feelings, but we probably wouldn't work out. At least I've learned something from my experience.

How many years (decades) you in so far?

Marriage is definitely not for me and i never should have thought that i could mess around with it. After one failed marriage (not sexless) i should have known better, but nevertheless, here i am. It is a mistake that i do not intend to make again. Of course, i don't believe in love anymore either, so i guess i am now a hard case ...

Is Marriage for everyone?

HELL NO!

baza has been telling us to "tread your own path" for years - and he's right.

I checked all the boxes too. What I realized 18 years later - I hate living in a box. Ask your therapist about their comment. See what he/she says. Perhaps they were attempting to validate your decisions in your life, or maybe they just finished up with another client who is so fucked up they can't hold down a job and still live at home with their parents. At any rate, if you are not comfortable with this therapist, find another one you like. There isn't a therapist in the world that wants you to stay with them if they aren't helping you. If they try to hold on to you - RED FLAG and move on without guilt.

Check out this link. She discusses how society has evolved and what Hollywood has taught us love is "supposed" to be.

Married 9 years but been together 14 years

My first marriage I did "just because." "It's what you do." What followed was a life I didn't actively "want" because I put no real thought into it. That's my fault. In the midst of that I did try to create my life as I wanted it but being with someone who is not right for you does play with you - we were not good together. We didn't bring out the best of each other. It was dysfunctional and toxic.

My second marriage (now) I CHOSE. WE chose. It is very different. We didn't "have to" get married, we were both financially sound, taking care of ourselves. We don't want kids together at this late stage of the game. We both had our own insurance, retirement, etc. But we CHOSE it because we feel we are better together than alone and we want to go through the second half of our lives together - married on paper so the rest of the world knows it, but mostly married at a spiritual level.

I definitely wanted this relationship. I wanted all of this and hoped to find it. Some get out of marriage and just want to thrive on their own. So from that aspect maybe some of us are more prone to it than others. Everyone is different.

I am better in this relationship than alone. That is not to say I am not a strong, independent woman on my own because I was and know I can be. I am not "settling" for anything because I chose marriage. We are actually as happy as we portray to the world. (I don't need everyone to follow my path, I just kinda chuckle when my single friends make married people sound like wretched settlers missing out on life - that's not always the case).

So, yeah -- it's a personal decision.

The key to a happy life is to absolutely know thy self well and then live life as that person you want to be. No settling whether you marry or not.

I think where we go wrong in life is not teaching young kids how to know themselves, how to be themselves. We expect them to mold into little minions doing as the adults please -- be good, be quiet, do good in school. There are more important things to figure out at young ages that can lead to a more fulfilling life (and contribute more positively to society because the world needs more happy people, not more well-behaved people).