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Post by Chatter Fox on May 1, 2016 9:11:56 GMT -5
I sometimes think of retirement and what I hope to do with myself when I can just stop working. Sadly, the thought of being retired with my wife fills me with a bit of dread. I just picture myself in a constant power struggle situation over what we do, where we go, and getting time to myself. Anyone else? Is this a bad omen? ... or is this maybe just a typical thought for most married folks? Now granted, retirement is a long way away for me, but I do think about this kind of thing from time to time.
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 9:21:16 GMT -5
you want hell? This is a real hell, not some hell that the religious talk about.
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Post by unmatched on May 1, 2016 18:31:53 GMT -5
Richard do you need to stay? Or do you feel that you would be worse off if you left?
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Post by baza on May 13, 2016 9:17:20 GMT -5
@ beeman
I went in to semi retirement before I was 50.
There were 2 main drivers behind this choice.
1 - I was in a position where I could do so, and had pretty much had a gutful of corporate finance work
2 - I suspected I'd get hosed in a divorce, so knocking my earnings down made sense in the event that a divorce should take place.
As I thought might be the case, spending more time together was NOT terribly healthy for the relationship. It actually helped it tank.
By the time it did tank, I had a 5 year history of greatly diminished earning capacity, so the split of assets was pretty equitable.
I see that you are starting to - "think of retirement and what I hope to do with myself when I can just stop working"
That's encouraging. You could flesh that out a bit by seeing a lawyer in your jurisdiction and establishing how a divorce would shake out for you now, or in 5 years time and getting some decent advice upon which you could start forward planning.
You might never enact such a plan, now, in 5 years time or maybe "ever" but it would do no harm to have such a plan in your pocket.
At the very least, it would give you another option to consider, and god knows, if someone in an ILIASM shithole needs anything, it is options to a continuation of the situation.
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Post by JMX on May 13, 2016 10:49:33 GMT -5
@ beeman I went in to semi retirement before I was 50. There were 2 main drivers behind this choice. 1 - I was in a position where I could do so, and had pretty much had a gutful of corporate finance work 2 - I suspected I'd get hosed in a divorce, so knocking my earnings down made sense in the event that a divorce should take place. As I thought might be the case, spending more time together was NOT terribly healthy for the relationship. It actually helped it tank. By the time it did tank, I had a 5 year history of greatly diminished earning capacity, so the split of assets was pretty equitable. I see that you are starting to - "think of retirement and what I hope to do with myself when I can just stop working" That's encouraging. You could flesh that out a bit by seeing a lawyer in your jurisdiction and establishing how a divorce would shake out for you now, or in 5 years time and getting some decent advice upon which you could start forward planning. You might never enact such a plan, now, in 5 years time or maybe "ever" but it would do no harm to have such a plan in your pocket. At the very least, it would give you another option to consider, and god knows, if someone in an ILIASM shithole needs anything, it is options to a continuation of the situation. Yay! Baz!!! |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 13, 2016 11:28:38 GMT -5
I consider retirement a strong driving force behind ending my SM. Could I withstand thirty more years with a manipulative controlling, detached spouse, whose only reason for staying ,( this is what she says", duty?") heck no!!
I had another friend who is a councilor ask me to wright down what plans my wife and I have made for " 5 years from now" it's still a blank page! We actually used to talk about such things. Looking back I see how easy it was for her. All about children, and very little about us!
And if you think once the last one is 18 you are free to be a happy couple , think again. 1) that ship sailed long ago! 2) today's 18 is now 22, and they come back after college and/or kids and divorce.
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Post by Deleted on May 13, 2016 14:33:27 GMT -5
I worry about retirement all the time. In fact, it is one of the things that motivates me most to get out sooner rather than later! We have nothing in common. His drinking will escalate. His TV time will escalate. If he's anything like his father, his temper will escalate. No thank you. In fact, when I keep my eye on the ball - NOT spending retirement with him, I become very motivated and empowered to leave. I hope I'm strong enough. Oh, and Richard, marriage has those same 3 phases for women too. My choice is this - do I sit around waiting, letting the stress kill me or do I get out? |
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Post by 3000more on May 13, 2016 14:33:52 GMT -5
Awwww, thank you everyone for validating what I think my plans are regarding retirement. I've held that I will never fully retire, but always keep working at least part of the time and spend the rest of the time pursuing my passions. I can't stand to be in the house all day even when I'm sick, so that's not going to work for me. I've been in commercial real estate for 25 years and will continue that until the day I die whether that is 60 or 85 as long as I don't have dementia, fingers crossed!!!!!!!! It may be pro-bono work in the later years, but I'm going to be making deals until they close the door to the burner they will cremate me in.
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Post by 3000more on May 13, 2016 14:36:14 GMT -5
I worry about retirement all the time. In fact, it is one of the things that motivates me most to get out sooner rather than later! We have nothing in common. His drinking will escalate. His TV time will escalate. If he's anything like his father, his temper will escalate. No thank you. In fact, when I keep my eye on the ball - NOT spending retirement with him, I become very motivated and empowered to leave. I hope I'm strong enough. Oh, and Richard , marriage has those same 3 phases for women too. My choice is this - do I sit around waiting, letting the stress kill me or do I get out? Make a plan and get the hell out! |
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Post by Deleted on May 13, 2016 16:45:42 GMT -5
Richard do you need to stay? Or do you feel that you would be worse off if you left?
Both. I'm 68, I've recently experienced a couple of health issues that I'm still working on, but mostly I still love my wife. I know....it's f**ked up.
It's not at all f'ed up. Many of us are in the same boat and feel the same way. |
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Post by Deleted on May 13, 2016 17:26:21 GMT -5
Funny you should bring up retirement. I am still waiting for my security clearance to come through so I can start my job. I was all psyched to start last week, so I didn't have anything planned for this week. And it's been too rainy to just hit the beach, so I am more bored than I have been in decades.
And that got me to thinking: how do housewives and retired people stand it?!
I may not be able to afford to retire. But if I do, I would not be at all surprised if I find some kind of low-key retirement job anyway. I NEED to get out of my home and see other people.
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Post by Deleted on May 13, 2016 17:57:17 GMT -5
Funny you should bring up retirement. I am still waiting for my security clearance to come through so I can start my job. I was all psyched to start last week, so I didn't have anything planned for this week. And it's been too rainy to just hit the beach, so I am more bored than I have been in decades. And that got me to thinking: how do housewives and retired people stand it?! I may not be able to afford to retire. But if I do, I would not be at all surprised if I find some kind of low-key retirement job anyway. I NEED to get out of my home and see other people. Housewifery is indeed a crazy-making endeavor. But it felt like the best thing for my kids and in my situation, so I did it. I am already telling my daughter NOT to do it. So that says a lot. |
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Post by obobfla on May 13, 2016 18:55:59 GMT -5
Just thinking of growing older with my wife scares me. This past year, I had two medical emergencies. Each time, my wife argued against taking me to the emergency room.
The first time was when a bug crawled into my ear while I sleeping. Yes, it sounds disgusting, but it is excruciatingly painful when a creature is digging on your eardrum. I was screaming in pain at 6 in the morning. My wife, ever worried about money, said "Can you wait until 8 when the walk-in clinic opens?" I demanded she take me to the emergency room immediately, or I would drive myself.
Three months later, I was sitting at home when I felt dizzy. I started shaking. I tried to talk, but I could barely get my mouth to form the words I wanted to say. I thought I was having a mini-stroke. My wife refused to take me, even though the hospital is only 5 minutes away. I had to dial 9-1-1 and say "TIA" with all the concentration I could muster. Fortunately, it was not a stroke after all - just the effects from stress. Wonder where I got that stressed out?
I can forgive the lack of sex. But I cannot forgive taking my health so carelessly. I am saving up for a divorce.
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Post by Deleted on May 13, 2016 20:52:51 GMT -5
Just thinking of growing older with my wife scares me. This past year, I had two medical emergencies. Each time, my wife argued against taking me to the emergency room. The first time was when a bug crawled into my ear while I sleeping. Yes, it sounds disgusting, but it is excruciatingly painful when a creature is digging on your eardrum. I was screaming in pain at 6 in the morning. My wife, ever worried about money, said "Can you wait until 8 when the walk-in clinic opens?" I demanded she take me to the emergency room immediately, or I would drive myself. Three months later, I was sitting at home when I felt dizzy. I started shaking. I tried to talk, but I could barely get my mouth to form the words I wanted to say. I thought I was having a mini-stroke. My wife refused to take me, even though the hospital is only 5 minutes away. I had to dial 9-1-1 and say "TIA" with all the concentration I could muster. Fortunately, it was not a stroke after all - just the effects from stress. Wonder where I got that stressed out? I can forgive the lack of sex. But I cannot forgive taking my health so carelessly. I am saving up for a divorce. Okay, that's just scary. GET OUT. I try not to do the "tell people what to do" thing, but that woman is not nice. Run, baby, run! |
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Retirement
May 13, 2016 21:25:02 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by 3000more on May 13, 2016 21:25:02 GMT -5
Funny you should bring up retirement. I am still waiting for my security clearance to come through so I can start my job. I was all psyched to start last week, so I didn't have anything planned for this week. And it's been too rainy to just hit the beach, so I am more bored than I have been in decades. And that got me to thinking: how do housewives and retired people stand it?! I may not be able to afford to retire. But if I do, I would not be at all surprised if I find some kind of low-key retirement job anyway. I NEED to get out of my home and see other people. |
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