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Post by adventura on Jul 20, 2016 21:27:31 GMT -5
I used to do SEO (search engine optimization) for a living. When this forum starts appearing on page 1 of a Google search for "I live in a sexless marriage" or better yet "sexless marriage," watch traffic go through the roof. It takes time to rank in Google - give it a year, or two. In the meantime, I agree with Olofat - if it's not costing the owners money, and the people here are getting value from it, then it's not a failure. At some point the owners might decide to become affiliated with a larger aggregator (such as PsychCentral) to boost traffic to EP levels, although you give up a lot of control when you do so.
I actually prefer smaller online communities and when they start mushrooming I start longing for the good old days. I feel safe here for now because it's like a group of friends and I don't have to filter for stupid remarks and trolling. You also lose some anonymity when your community becomes more visible even if you post under a nom de plume. That said, I've seen a lot of small forums die over the years, so I can understand the need to grow.
I haven't posted lately because life has been getting in the way, but I read here every day and get a ton of support by reading what others have posted. To me quality is better than quantity and the quality of the members here is amazingly high for a small forum. Quality doesn't always translate into numbers; in fact in my iconoclastic world they're inversely related.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jul 21, 2016 1:54:06 GMT -5
Spot on adventura  I have pm'd one of the members who hasn't posted yet after she liked a post. She said even though she hasn't posted yet she finds this place a good deal of help. She's just not ready to interact yet. I would be surprise if there are not many many more in the same boat. I imagine most of us here would be supportive to these people were they inclined to reach out by pm if they are not ready for public posting yet. I know I would be happy for someone to message me. Obvs would sift out any weirdos swiftly ha ha. Weirdos buggar off. Genuine people bring it on X |
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Post by baza on Jul 21, 2016 2:33:35 GMT -5
Have just been looking at those summaries (on the bottom part of the "Forum" page).
What I hadn't noticed before were "guests" - and it is a significant number.
According to the record, over the past 24 hours there have been 65 members logged in and 207 "guests".
Given the total membership of about 370, I was really surprised at that "guests over the past 24 hours" figure.
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"Guests" might mean "lurkers" who are deriving something of benefit out of the group vicariously, at least in some cases.
I guess it might also mean some who come in to have a look and think "Fuck. How depressing" and piss off again straight away.
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Post by Dan on Jul 21, 2016 2:41:49 GMT -5
I -- for one -- am very pleased with the quantity of posts and number of members. Hey: 25,000 posts in four months is nothing to sneeze at! (And even if you subtract a fair amount for those silly "word association" threads... 20,000 post still ain't bad!)  [Still love ya, @zumbamami !] But -- even more so -- I'm THRILLED at the the QUALITY of the posts, and QUALITY of the members! On the "stay small an tight-knit" or "long to be bigger"... I do think the downside risk of "being too small" is worse than the risk of "being too big" or "too well-known". The way I figure it: the more people who are here, a) the more people we are helping, and b) the better chance any given member will HEAR what they need to hear from a peer. I do sometimes "plug this site". If you'd like to do the same, do this once a month: Google "Sexless Marriage", "I Live In A Sexless Marriage", and "ILIASM Forum". If you see this forum in the results: CLICK IT. For all other results, GO to that page, and if there is a comment section, add a forward link to this forum with a comment to the effect of: "If you are actively dealing with a sexless marriage, consider participating on the ILIASM Forum: iliasm.org." |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2016 5:40:19 GMT -5
Silly word association threads. In a thread entitled "is this high school," that I have never participated in. This is not the first comment about my word association threads, Dan. I only wish that if they were not appropriate for the site, I would've received a private note about them. Message received. Loud and clear. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Jul 21, 2016 6:02:39 GMT -5
Silly word association threads. In a thread entitled "is this high school," that I have never participated in. This is not the first comment about my word association threads, Dan. I only wish that if they were not appropriate for the site, I would've received a private note about them. Message received. Loud and clear. Those threads are awesome! It's a great source of laughs when I'm feeling particularly down. I just don't participate because I'm not nearly as clever as a lot of you. But please, keep associating words! |
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Post by adventura on Jul 21, 2016 6:06:57 GMT -5
Z, not to speak for Dan but I think or hope he was joking. This is a classic case of Internet deadpan coming across the wrong way.
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Post by Dan on Jul 21, 2016 8:18:01 GMT -5
I'm glad folks are having fun with the word association threads. I have no problem with them, even if I don't participate; perfectly acceptable for Off Topic. But if I'm trying to make the case for "how healthy this forum is" by pointing to our post count of earnest, helpful posts, I note they do bump up our post count. That's all!
Our forum is clearly healthy for all the fun we have here, too.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jul 21, 2016 8:21:39 GMT -5
I was thinking about a "name that tune" thread ... Post a line from a song if you guess the previous one if anyone wants to play
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Post by snowman12345 on Aug 9, 2016 8:23:23 GMT -5
OK I know this is bumping this post, but there is one thing that EP provided that I DO NOT miss which is the "drive thru posters". You know the people who would stop in and read some poor soul's post about their nonexistent sex lives and drop the advise bombs. "Have you tried wearing sexy underwear?" "How about bacon scented candles?" "Have you tried greeting them naked at the door?"
(sarcastic font needed)"Why nooo! I never thought of doing those things! Thank you! Thank you so much! Your suggestions have saved my marriage!"
Numbnuts. Stealing from @andie 's terminology. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2016 12:25:53 GMT -5
OK I know this is bumping this post, but there is one thing that EP provided that I DO NOT miss which is the "drive thru posters". You know the people who would stop in and read some poor soul's post about their nonexistent sex lives and drop the advise bombs. "Have you tried wearing sexy underwear?" "How about bacon scented candles?" "Have you tried greeting them naked at the door?"
(sarcastic font needed)"Why nooo! I never thought of doing those things! Thank you! Thank you so much! Your suggestions have saved my marriage!"
Numbnuts. Stealing from @andie 's terminology. I HATE those people... and they were numerous on EP....
Until you are in this situation, no one can understand... even most of us fought our feelings for so long... I know I did. But now I am moving to a different place and some of what I have done and feel... I don't feel bad about... its just something really hard to understand from the outside..... it aint so simple...
Of course if we were as wildly awesome and sexy and attractive as the "drive thru posters", we wouldn't have this problem would we? Right?
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Post by pfviento on Aug 9, 2016 13:29:46 GMT -5
I assume it's a lack of critical thinking by the drive thru poster. I'm pretty sure if you got here you probably tried alot of the usual suggestions.
If it gets to this point the evidence does not suggest candles are going to do the trick. If it was that easy somebody would be making a fortune on those candles.
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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 9, 2016 13:35:25 GMT -5
I assume it's a lack of critical thinking by the drive thru poster. I'm pretty sure if you got here you probably tried alot of the usual suggestions. If it gets to this point the evidence does not suggest candles are going to do the trick. If it was that easy somebody would be making a fortune on those candles. A lack of empathy as well. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Aug 9, 2016 16:23:28 GMT -5
Why is it that all I can think is that they probably posted with the best on intentions.
Oh hang on , it is, as my name suggests, that I am physically incapable of thinking the worst!
It's like a disability!
I love and trust all souls until they give me reason not too.
I think maybe I look it all the wrong way.... Being the eternal optimist has brought me nothing but pain. Long lasting unshifting pain.
Anyone have any lobotomy experience lol!
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Post by unmatched on Aug 9, 2016 18:35:25 GMT -5
Why is it that all I can think is that they probably posted with the best on intentions. Oh hang on , it is, as my name suggests, that I am physically incapable of thinking the worst! It's like a disability! I love and trust all souls until they give me reason not too. I think maybe I look it all the wrong way.... Being the eternal optimist has brought me nothing but pain. Long lasting unshifting pain. Anyone have any lobotomy experience lol! And when they give you reason not to trust them anymore, what do you do then??? (I have never done a lobotomy but happy to give it a try if you think it will help  |
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[Still love ya, @zumbamami !]
