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Post by sand5280 on Apr 3, 2016 2:49:16 GMT -5
Sorry this will fail: Everyone jumped on this without consideration, like a life boat but be honest this wont work I know the post is old, and the member is gone but friends of many, but I'm inspired by this. I was not on EP for long, and I did in fact move here when Dan was publicizing. As for the life boat and following others, and cliques implication, put yourself in my position. I did not know a single one of you folks until I arrived, nobody. I was welcomed immediately, and I was listened to. After this I was then inclined to open up some more (very difficult) knowing I was now among friends. This I hope to continue. This is a classy bunch of people. I'm sure I am not the only one who thinks at some point during the day “I wonder what so-and-so is doing about this.” Or maybe “I sure hope such-and-such is doing well with that.” I am also not likely to read a post which includes the phrase "I ain't gettin no nookie." As for this site being a failure, the proof otherwise is clear. People are obviously finding this place, based on the helpful atmosphere they have seen offered. And with this environment provided, the ones genuinely seeking help will arrive, and get the help they need. I have already. |
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Post by Dan on Apr 3, 2016 6:45:06 GMT -5
Did Celt leave? Did he delete himself? I hope not. He can be awkward at times....he likes to stir the shit and be contrarian....but I for one would miss him. It just wouldn't be the same without him. FWIW: It looks like he deleted himself. |
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Post by DryCreek on Apr 4, 2016 1:35:17 GMT -5
I'll offer a second opinion to my original one... I've come to realize that EP had something this site won't - diversity.
That is, ILIASM on EP was one of several "interests" for most of us, akin to cruising a market and dropping by a bunch of different merchants. Our new home is more like a boutique - greater depth and better selection, but only one area of focus. The boutique is a specific destination, not something you drop into while you're browsing.
I think for many, that difference will be a good thing. It will make the site less attractive to trouble-makers, and the focused topic will support more depth (e.g., having several sub-forums for related topics). People will be here "with intent".
But it may also pose a challenge to keep the site alive, like a shopping center that doesn't get enough traffic. I have hope that the EP refugees here will build enough momentum that new visitors continue to get prompt, sensible guidance - and in turn stick around and do the same for the next wave of discoverers.
It will take some time, but the true measure will be when people start finding the site independently of EP. Dan's efforts to boost the Google ratings will probably be a big factor there.
Just two random cents...
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Post by sand5280 on Apr 4, 2016 11:28:57 GMT -5
Diversity... Cruising a market and dropping by a bunch of different merchants. Our new home is more like a boutique - greater depth and better selection, but only one area of focus. The boutique is a specific destination, not something you drop into while you're browsing. Build enough momentum that new visitors continue to get prompt, sensible guidance - and in turn stick around and do the same for the next wave of discoverers. This is an excellent point and analogy. On the Relate site for example, there is the Sexless Marriage created by IfoundMe, and I did the Sexless Relationship group. 25 have joined into relationships. But not much happening in the group, I admit myself I have not written anything, quite honestly I like it here better. So everyone that joined is probably bored and disappointed. I did copy my short EP story to there, maybe some of you have seen it. Question for all: Should I perhaps advertise carefully, and direct them here? Seems like popular opinion is yes, get new voices, and better help for them. When they are done shopping for all the other items, they can come here to this specific department. Rather than take up lots of space with replies, if I see lots of likes I will. If you disagree, please reply. Also directed to everyone, and in particular new members coming in: Is the environment friendly and safe enough? Meaning, are you inclined to speak your mind, or stand back in reluctance? Then take a cue from me, I will blabber on about anything all day long, haven't gotten the boot yet (But it's soon I know). I hope everyone coming in feels comfortable, not like they are intruding on something, everyone here wants to know your story. |
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Post by baza on Jul 20, 2016 1:16:34 GMT -5
I was just giving former member celt's post a bump up here.
His original offering expressed an opinion that the group was going nowhere.
The membership does appear to have stalled in the mid 300's where it has been for about 3 months or more.
And 3/8ths of the membership (almost half, haven't been active for at least 2 months).
Indeed, 3/8ths of the membership have never posted a thing.
This is not indicative of a thriving and growing group.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jul 20, 2016 2:15:30 GMT -5
It's still early days. People lurk for a long time before they feel ready to post. I think this place is ace! 4/8ths baza ... He he. Half then  x |
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Post by baza on Jul 20, 2016 3:08:15 GMT -5
Have edited it Sister e. There was a typo in there.
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I wouldn't dispute that "this place is ace", but the membership numbers, and the active level within the membership seem to speak for themselves.
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Post by cagedtiger on Jul 20, 2016 5:28:01 GMT -5
It's also summer time in the northern hemisphere. Sunny weather, warmer temperatures, people in general are usually happier and more distracted with vacations and trips and kids being out of school.
Wait till fall and winter, when the days are shorter and darker, and it's cold so you can't escape easily.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 20, 2016 7:19:44 GMT -5
I am not concerned with growing numbers. My few months on EP was not treated, or read by 50 thousand, more like the same 15 or 20. Which was plenty, and helpful.What I would like to see is more full stories. Someone who discovers this sight, and realizes they have been LIASM. Then goes through the painful healing process of recovery ( most likely divorce). Then the year or so after the divorce, that time period and examples as well.
Much of what I have read have been women. I would like to hear other men's full stories. Articles have been written that the numbers show that more women do the divorcing, the leaving than men.
There are the people who put up one or two posts going into a detailed explanation of there situation. They get a large welcome with support, advice and encouragement. Then they are not heard from again. Do any of you contact them again ? I do weeks later and have received mostly no responses. Then there are a few who come back to say everthing is the same.
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LiterallyFFS
New Member
Longtime lurker from EP
Posts: 5 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by LiterallyFFS on Jul 20, 2016 16:21:31 GMT -5
I was a longtime lurker at EP and now here at ILIASM. Please know that this forum is helpful and applicable to my situation. Thank you to all who post.
I am gathering courage to share my backstory soon.
Peace.
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Post by Pinkberry on Jul 20, 2016 16:28:07 GMT -5
The numbers will come. At EP, the numbers were low for a long time and then there was an explosion of membership. Still, the number of active members was relatively low. It will happen when people begin searching again.
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Post by angryspartan on Jul 20, 2016 16:57:51 GMT -5
Not naming names, but I know one person that's not getting invited to the super secret party for the cool kids.
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Post by unmatched on Jul 20, 2016 18:48:53 GMT -5
I was just giving former member celt's post a bump up here. His original offering expressed an opinion that the group was going nowhere. The membership does appear to have stalled in the mid 300's where it has been for about 3 months or more. And 3/8ths of the membership (almost half, haven't been active for at least 2 months). Indeed, 3/8ths of the membership have never posted a thing. This is not indicative of a thriving and growing group. There were always a ton of people on EP who never posted, and a lot more who posted once or twice and then stopped. So I don't think that is anything new. We don't have EP behind us here, so there isn't that huge driver of numbers, but there are also some definite upsides to that too. I guess then it is a question of whether thriving and growing are the same thing. There is obviously a core membership here who have good relationships with each other and who are able to discuss a whole range of things together in a very respectful but unconstrained way. So from that point of view it is thriving at least right now. Do you think we need to be growing faster or need more new blood in order for the group to be successful going forward (whatever that looks like)? |
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 20, 2016 18:53:10 GMT -5
I was just giving former member celt's post a bump up here. His original offering expressed an opinion that the group was going nowhere. The membership does appear to have stalled in the mid 300's where it has been for about 3 months or more. And 3/8ths of the membership (almost half, haven't been active for at least 2 months). Indeed, 3/8ths of the membership have never posted a thing. This is not indicative of a thriving and growing group. There were always a ton of people on EP who never posted, and a lot more who posted once or twice and then stopped. So I don't think that is anything new. We don't have EP behind us here, so there isn't that huge driver of numbers, but there are also some definite upsides to that too. I guess then it is a question of whether thriving and growing are the same thing. There is obviously a core membership here who have good relationships with each other and who are able to discuss a whole range of things together in a very respectful but unconstrained way. So from that point of view it is thriving at least right now. Do you think we need to be growing faster or need more new blood in order for the group to be successful going forward (whatever that looks like)? I agree! This serves a purpose and I feel it is helpful and therefore thriving. For about a year I was a lurker on EP. I'm sure there are people on here that are lurkers and I would encourage them when they feel comfortable to become active, seek comfort and always know that you are not alone. |
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Post by olofat on Jul 20, 2016 21:02:27 GMT -5
I was an occasional reader and infrequent poster at EP. I found this place via google search when I discovered EP was "paused." I had originally found EP when googling for sexless marriage, never had any interest in EP other than ILIASM. I've also lurked briefly at /r/deadbedrooms. Always liked iliasm a lot better. This place seems to have preserved the feel of EP's iliasm, to me anyway.
I don't think I'm alone in that I find an occasional pop-in, feel some camaraderie or support, then get back to the usual life (stuck or progressing, either way), and not feel the need to pop in for a while again. Number of members enrolled and number of active members aren't important for that. It's number of postings I can relate to, or number of responses (and how soon responses come) when we post that make the community useful or not. (As I'm still stuck in a mediocre at best situation, I can't offer practical solutions to anyone, but I can share the pain.)
Failure of a community? I don't think so. I think it's fine. Is it keeping up with itself financially? As long as it's not a money-suck for someone, I think it's a success as long as the members continue to find it useful, however many or few there may be.
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