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Post by Venus Erotes on Apr 30, 2017 17:31:01 GMT -5
Wow. Thanks guys. So much support and advice here ... my head is spinning. I need more time to digest these thoughts and possibilities. I am, as an eternal optimist, a big fan of the saying "it'll all work out just fine" but I perhaps need to use caution more in situations such as this. Thank you all seriously. Xxx EO, First... (((((GREAT BIG HUGS))))) Second, LAWYER UP and do it quickly! If you want to make things more difficult for him, schedule a consultation with as many as you can so they cannot represent him. Third, given his addiction, your recent rape, and God knows what else you are living with, you need to get yourself to a local women's shelter where you can receive the emotional support you and your children need. You've lived in an abusive relationship for a long time. He's damaged you and your children for years. Perhaps they have a place for you to stay. They may even have a lawyer you can talk to and perhaps receive free services. Fourth, FUCK HIM, and I don't mean literally. I know he's taken advantage of you, who knows the emotional toll he's put on the kids. Take care of you and the kids and do this knowing you will probably get NOTHING from him. Fifth, keep the letter for you. Use it as a tool to release your anger and remind yourself how shitty things are. As others have mentioned - this isn't your fault and you are taking on way too much blame. Keep yourself together sweetie, this won't be easy. We are here for you. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Apr 30, 2017 18:47:13 GMT -5
eternaloptimism - it's Sunday today. You had originally planned to talk, "this weekend," presuming you wanted to give the letter to him this week? You followed up saying that you had more to think about. I hope that you are planning to leave first, then hash out separation details, as your and the the boys' safety is a concern. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts as you begin to navigate this transition. Thank you  I have done nothing at all yet. I'm pretty good at that. Many years of practice! Its all so clear when I'm here and then I turn to a quivering feeble ball of weakness as soon as I'm face to face with him. I feel so pathetic. You are not pathetic. You are resilient AF. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2017 19:10:27 GMT -5
Way to go EO.
I am very happy for you and I wish you the best as you make this change.
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Post by baza on Apr 30, 2017 19:49:15 GMT -5
This ain't such a bad outcome Sister EO.
You don't appear to be fully prepared, so proceeding on an ill prepared basis would almost certainly have crashed and burned, and put you backwards by months.
Not proceeding, under the circumstances, was the smart play.
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Post by TMD on Apr 30, 2017 20:12:45 GMT -5
[/quote] Thank you I have done nothing at all yet. I'm pretty good at that. Many years of practice! Its all so clear when I'm here and then I turn to a quivering feeble ball of weakness as soon as I'm face to face with him. I feel so pathetic. [/quote] You're not pathetic. You are a good person trying to make the best of a crappy situation. I had a boyfriend once who refused to let me break up with him. He'd keep showing up at my door step. So we'd get back together. Only to break up again. And then I started stuttering. It was surprising, I was embarrassed. I referenced a Louise Hay book, "You Can Heal Your Life," and discovered that the stuttering was a result of feeling like I was not being heard. Acknowledging that helped me find ways to make myself heard and the stuttering went away. ((It still comes back. This week it happened again. But at least I know I'm being triggered and just find ways to advocate for myself.)) I wonder that you feel "weak" because he refuses to hear you? That's beyond your control. What's in your control are alternate ways to "break the news." Once you've gotten yourself and the boys out, meet somewhere neutral: lawyers office, police station, therapist? Or maybe you don't need to meet. Just leave the legal docs behind. Or have a family member help you deliver the news. Keep it simple and to the point and don't allow an argument or negotiation. You've made your decision. And you're sticking to it. |
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Post by lyn on Apr 30, 2017 20:22:48 GMT -5
Listen EO, just have a plan in case he goes nuts on you. I know you're going to leave, but, in case something comes up between now and then.
For starters:
Mace. Or even better - Bear Spray. You can get it online - it sprays out like 20 feet. Get a few - warn your kids not to touch them - I doubt he will even notice them - they look like hairspray.
Go bag. All of your important papers - birth certificates, passports, lease or mortgage papers, health insurance info, bank info - anything printed on trees that has a notarized stamp - put it in a bag.
Simple comfort bags for you and your kids. Makeup (my main necessity lol), pj's, story books, stuffed animals, a change of clothes for each of you. Put these in a bag and keep in your trunk along with the "go bag".
Spare car key - get one of those magnetized boxes that holds a key and keep it under your fender - just in case.
A spare credit card he knows nothing about. Open one separately if you need to - nothing joint so he can't cancel it if his panties get twisted.
You got this girl. You are a strong, powerful woman.
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Post by hopingforachange on Apr 30, 2017 21:40:39 GMT -5
EO, Honestly, the best thing for you and the kids is for the next time he is coked up is to have the cops pick him up. Then do all your filling. It will give you the leveraged during the divorce and should get you enough to get a restraining order. When he is 100% clean he can see the kids, not before.  |
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Post by solodriver on Apr 30, 2017 22:08:04 GMT -5
Hi EO,
I and the rest of us are here for you. Your a beautiful woman, inside and out, and deserve the love that you need from a non-drugged addicted man and not with this coke head. He is not the same man you married, I don't believe.
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