fooling myself: she knows
Apr 21, 2017 13:53:40 GMT -5
Rhapsodee, GeekGoddess, and 14 more like this
Post by Dan on Apr 21, 2017 13:53:40 GMT -5
So. Obviously I’ve been fooling myself.
I’ve truly felt that my wife thinks “everything is fine” because I no longer seem upset that we aren’t having sex. But others have occasionally suggested: she probably knows. To which I’ve earnestly pushed back: maybe… but I really don’t think so.
Well, she has let it slip TWICE now in the past two weeks that the possibility of divorce is not that far off in her mind. (Or rather: it is clear she thinks I am probably thinking about it.)
Last week I was trying to help her with something on the web, and she was getting frustrated with it. I was patiently trying to help… but she was frustrating me with her communication skills and that she wasn’t “getting” this fairly simple web-task. She interpreted my restraint as being actually mad at her, and she burst out with something like “if you hate me so much, why don’t you just divorce me.”
I was shocked. Floored. I returned to her a stare. Not a “deer in the headlights” stare. Probably closer to “an icy glare”. I wasn’t going to be suckered into that conversation on her terms. If she was showing her histrionics because she was mad a the stupid website, that was NOT the right time for a dispassionate discussion about splitting up.
Today she and I (without my son) were talking about which college my son should pick. His top choice will require him taking some substantial loans, which of course we would have to co-sign for. We were splitting hairs about how co-signing works. It was getting a bit pesky/heated when she said something like “if we are getting a divorce, then {insert her point there}”.
She actually had a good financial point... BUT not only did she blurt this out again (with no context to be discussing divorce), but my 16 year old daughter was plainly walking through the room at that moment.
Again, that moment was neither the time for me to start a divorce discussion -- or skewer her for being so daft as to mention that in passing with my daughter in the room.
But… I’ve clearly been fooling myself that I can hide that I’m really no longer interested in being married to her.
In some sense, I suppose she is doing me/us a favor. It is probably time for this discussion. (It is probably time for me to see a lawyer, too.)
Damn: my son is getting married next month in Utah, and we have to travel and live in close company with her for that trip. Then we have to work together closely to throw him a reception in NJ two weeks later. I would REALLY just like to stick my head in the sand and pretend that she is oblivious… as I just can’t see any good from starting that discussion before the wedding stuff is over.
But it is clear that my “college plan” -- keep this under wraps for the next two years until my sophomore daughter is headed to college -- is not a tenable plan.
Which is kind of OK, I guess, as I’ve been feeling MUCH more tension/stress about that plan. I seemed OK with it for about six months (having “decided” it last summer), but something has shifted. I've been reconsidering the college plan, and considering having The Talk sometime in the next year anyways.
(As always... thanks for listening.)
I’ve truly felt that my wife thinks “everything is fine” because I no longer seem upset that we aren’t having sex. But others have occasionally suggested: she probably knows. To which I’ve earnestly pushed back: maybe… but I really don’t think so.
Well, she has let it slip TWICE now in the past two weeks that the possibility of divorce is not that far off in her mind. (Or rather: it is clear she thinks I am probably thinking about it.)
Last week I was trying to help her with something on the web, and she was getting frustrated with it. I was patiently trying to help… but she was frustrating me with her communication skills and that she wasn’t “getting” this fairly simple web-task. She interpreted my restraint as being actually mad at her, and she burst out with something like “if you hate me so much, why don’t you just divorce me.”
I was shocked. Floored. I returned to her a stare. Not a “deer in the headlights” stare. Probably closer to “an icy glare”. I wasn’t going to be suckered into that conversation on her terms. If she was showing her histrionics because she was mad a the stupid website, that was NOT the right time for a dispassionate discussion about splitting up.
Today she and I (without my son) were talking about which college my son should pick. His top choice will require him taking some substantial loans, which of course we would have to co-sign for. We were splitting hairs about how co-signing works. It was getting a bit pesky/heated when she said something like “if we are getting a divorce, then {insert her point there}”.
She actually had a good financial point... BUT not only did she blurt this out again (with no context to be discussing divorce), but my 16 year old daughter was plainly walking through the room at that moment.
Again, that moment was neither the time for me to start a divorce discussion -- or skewer her for being so daft as to mention that in passing with my daughter in the room.
But… I’ve clearly been fooling myself that I can hide that I’m really no longer interested in being married to her.
In some sense, I suppose she is doing me/us a favor. It is probably time for this discussion. (It is probably time for me to see a lawyer, too.)
Damn: my son is getting married next month in Utah, and we have to travel and live in close company with her for that trip. Then we have to work together closely to throw him a reception in NJ two weeks later. I would REALLY just like to stick my head in the sand and pretend that she is oblivious… as I just can’t see any good from starting that discussion before the wedding stuff is over.
But it is clear that my “college plan” -- keep this under wraps for the next two years until my sophomore daughter is headed to college -- is not a tenable plan.
Which is kind of OK, I guess, as I’ve been feeling MUCH more tension/stress about that plan. I seemed OK with it for about six months (having “decided” it last summer), but something has shifted. I've been reconsidering the college plan, and considering having The Talk sometime in the next year anyways.
(As always... thanks for listening.)
