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Post by tamara68 on Apr 22, 2017 4:40:50 GMT -5
I agree with most comments here. I think this wedding has made her think about the future, She must know that you are only staying so far for practical reasons. Things are moving now, that is the right time to make use of the momentum. At least make an appointment with a lawyer. Start making plans, everything with a divorce in mind.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Apr 23, 2017 15:22:16 GMT -5
I can't say whether she KNOWS (in her knower) that you are pretty convinced to divorce. But I think it is probably the case that she suspects "something is afoot" because by now, your "usual patience" would have worn thin and you would be on a "let's talk about us - let's get back to therapy" and since those things are not popping back up, she is realizing that your radio-silence on the topic is NOT the usual, the norm, the old status quo. But she can probably tell you aren't stepping out on her either (outsourcing) because you're around, doing things with & for the kids. And so - even if she doesn't know what she is smelling, she can "sense" (in an unconscious way, perhaps) that there is something rotten in Denmark.
I don't believe that our avoidant or refusing spouses use that much brainpower on the whole relationship deal but I have a conviction that their intuitive sense does tell them things - like when a reset will work, or when a blowup argument will be more effective, or when a control move may fail. It's not a cognizant thing (I think) but emotional abusers have a similar guiding "inner voice" about when to give rewards and when it's okay to withhold affection to reinforce "correct" behavior - behavior they want from us.
It's not quite ESP - because I don't believe they understand (in their mind) what they are doing - but a reactive thing, manipulating or maneuvering a situation with artful survivor skills.
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Post by dinnaken on Apr 23, 2017 16:17:49 GMT -5
Hi Dan,
I agree with this post by GG; I realised (after the event) that my wife had known that something was afoot, that I wasn't happy, for a long time. As GG says this was at an intuitive level, but she also knew that her previously used stratagems wouldn't work.
I like the term radio-silence, it's very apt. All communication had come to an end, for which I take a share in the blame and agian (as it applies to my relationship) I agree with GG comment about not thinking deeply on this; don't get me wrong, my wife is very bright but she does live in the moment and reacts intuitively.
I don't know if it applies in your case, but in mine my wife hadn't the nerve to say anything but after the talk, when the dust had settled, it was a sense of relief on both sides. So another incentive to keep things as amicable as you can but do communicate.
Best wishes
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2017 14:12:11 GMT -5
Sounds like she knows things are not right, but she wants you to take the full responsibility for it. Wow. That could be exactly what is going on. She wants ME to be the "bad guy"... with our friends, with the kids. Interesting... I often suspected that was the case in my deal. Mr. Kat always hated having to be the bad guy. So did I. But now I'm here and he's there. |
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