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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2016 8:44:31 GMT -5
Suddenly the friend said "I just love your house Mrs B. It's so comfortable and welcoming. I love hanging out here. And you seriously make the best lemonade I've ever tasted" You're doing something right. At my mother's wake a few months ago, a grade school friend mentioned to my brother and me that he fondly remembered our childhood home as always being full of laughter. He also mentioned that my folks always seemed so entertained by us boys. Comfort amongst loved ones and friends, and kind hospitality towards strangers are beautiful things. |
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2016 8:47:28 GMT -5
JMX, I was going to write something here about your husband's mental state, but it would just be the same thing I've written 5 times before. Poor man.
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Easier
May 2, 2016 18:27:22 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2016 18:27:22 GMT -5
Is he from a backwards patriarchal culture? There are still cultures where women are ovens who have to do double duty as caretaker...of everyone. The men are smug and up to their eyeballs in a sense of entitlement. And the Prime Objective is indeed to procreate a male to carry on the family name...which of course will be mostly the wife's responsibility to care for.
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Post by unmatched on May 2, 2016 18:44:03 GMT -5
Is he from a backwards patriarchal culture? There are still cultures where women are ovens who have to do double duty as caretaker...of everyone. The men are smug and up to their eyeballs in a sense of entitlement. And the Prime Objective is indeed to procreate a male to carry on the family name...which of course will be mostly the wife's responsibility to care for. Where? And why wasn't I invited? |
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Post by JMX on May 2, 2016 18:59:55 GMT -5
I took a stand today. Mr. Orderly did not clean and put away his griddle or his tuna salad in a bowl. I decided not to dump the tuna on his bed but instead, placed both on top of the bedside table next to his bed.
To his credit, I got a "touché" and a chuckle and he cleaned it himself.
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2016 19:12:33 GMT -5
I took a stand today. Mr. Orderly did not clean and put away his griddle or his tuna salad in a bowl. I decided not to dump the tuna on his bad but instead, placed both on top of the bedside table next to his bed. To his credit, I got a "touché" and a chuckle and he cleaned it himself. If you weren't contaminating your own living space, it would be funny to regularly hide this stuff all over the place for him to use his nose to track down his messes. If he gets good enough at it, you can take him to a disaster as a cadaver human. He can have a collar with his name on it!! |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 2, 2016 19:23:26 GMT -5
I took a stand today. Mr. Orderly did not clean and put away his griddle or his tuna salad in a bowl. I decided not to dump the tuna on his bad but instead, placed both on top of the bedside table next to his bed. To his credit, I got a "touché" and a chuckle and he cleaned it himself. I do the same things to my teenagers. All those things that don't belong around the house,( socks, shoes, cups, bowls,wrappers,headphones, fabric sheets,etc...) I lay in piles on top of their computer key boards. That gets their attention! My therapist tells me, if they are going to act like children again, treat them like it, discipline them like children. ( tell him this is a warning shot across the bow, that the heavy artillery is waiting!) find your joy, by taking ground! |
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Easier
May 5, 2016 7:41:44 GMT -5
JMX likes this
Post by petrushka on May 5, 2016 7:41:44 GMT -5
Greatcoastal - your therapist obviously failed his/her course in transactional analysis. (S)he's got it bass ackwards.
Unmatched: you could always move to Saudi Arabia or Pakistan. Where the camels have more say in family affairs than the women.
JMX: teach your daughters to use the bidet. It's a much more pleasurable way of cleaning up anyway. The only civilized way, in fact.
Plus, you won't have to put TP on the shopping list again.
:-)
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Post by sand5280 on May 10, 2016 2:39:18 GMT -5
If I had been getting laid regularly, I would have moved heaven and earth to make his home comfortable so I could get more sex. I know I am moving this around a bit from your initial meaning, but it's been on my mind. If I were getting laid regularly I do believe many things in life would be so much better. The true stress of this spills out into all other aspects of your everyday life and you are affected by it. For me this is what I've seen lately. I don't feel like painting the window trims, I'm depressed I'm not getting laid. I don't feel like barbecuing with her for dinner, I'm not getting laid. I don't feel like weeding those flowers, I'm not getting laid. I don't feel like doing very well at work, when I get home I won't be getting laid. Go to bed early, might as well I'm not getting laid. Something very important, and what I consider essential, is missing. What's really troubling and bothersome, is that it was not an issue in my mind years ago, when I was on my own. |
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Post by unmatched on May 10, 2016 4:21:22 GMT -5
If I had been getting laid regularly, I would have moved heaven and earth to make his home comfortable so I could get more sex. I know I am moving this around a bit from your initial meaning, but it's been on my mind. If I were getting laid regularly I do believe many things in life would be so much better. The true stress of this spills out into all other aspects of your everyday life and you are affected by it. For me this is what I've seen lately. I don't feel like painting the window trims, I'm depressed I'm not getting laid. I don't feel like barbecuing with her for dinner, I'm not getting laid. I don't feel like weeding those flowers, I'm not getting laid. I don't feel like doing very well at work, when I get home I won't be getting laid. Go to bed early, might as well I'm not getting laid. Something very important, and what I consider essential, is missing. What's really troubling and bothersome, is that it was not an issue in my mind years ago, when I was on my own. That is because it is not actually the lack of sex which is bothering you. |
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Easier
May 10, 2016 18:25:51 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 18:25:51 GMT -5
You mean because he is a twat with stupid judgemental opinions and shallow beliefs and if he keeps his mouth shut some people might not notice? Please don't insult a twat!  ? A twat is a wonderful part of a sweet woman's body that is amazing to behold! |
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Post by itsjustus on May 12, 2016 5:56:53 GMT -5
If I had been getting laid regularly, I would have moved heaven and earth to make his home comfortable so I could get more sex. I know I am moving this around a bit from your initial meaning, but it's been on my mind. If I were getting laid regularly I do believe many things in life would be so much better. The true stress of this spills out into all other aspects of your everyday life and you are affected by it. For me this is what I've seen lately. I don't feel like painting the window trims, I'm depressed I'm not getting laid. I don't feel like barbecuing with her for dinner, I'm not getting laid. I don't feel like weeding those flowers, I'm not getting laid. I don't feel like doing very well at work, when I get home I won't be getting laid. Go to bed early, might as well I'm not getting laid. Something very important, and what I consider essential, is missing. What's really troubling and bothersome, is that it was not an issue in my mind years ago, when I was on my own. This! This is very important, and very well said. Letting things go, not doing the things that need doing, can get misinterpreted by others. It can even confuse the person it's happening to, it happens so slow and it is insidious. It has nothing to do with retribution, or a feeling of tit for tat. It's a motivational issue that runs very deep. I noticed it as well. It went against the very nature of who I am, who I wanted to be, and how I had been for a long time. And I let it go on way too long. Because what it was...what I finally recognized it was so late in my life, was a part of my soul dying. To to keep the peace, to be what every one wanted me to be, and to not "push" myself on my wife for my needs, I watched, and purposefully let, a part of me die. I mourned it's passing, literally crying at the time when I knew I'd let it go. But I felt it was my role, my job, for the greater good of my family. Without the validation of affection and intimacy from my wife, I felt my role as a man slip away. Without her showing her pride in me, her confidence in me, I shrunk away from my responsibilities. My motivation drifted away and I became numb. Just numb. I feel alive now, more than I ever have, but I can still feel the drag of the damage that left, like a bad limp from nerve damage that leaves a part of the body still....numb. But I'm fighting to heal. And I'm fighting to find that validation....and love. That's my motivation now. |
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Post by snowman12345 on May 12, 2016 7:45:28 GMT -5
@smartkat - he was also saying his value was through his seed.., he said something to the effect of "MY children and grandchildren, etc. are the line and how I live on." Silence. Long pause. And then: "oh, and your mother too." I am an afterthought in the importance of procreation. The thing is I don't think he is evil. I just think he is stupid. I wish he would talk to me and try some of these ideas out on me first though - you know, before he tells the 13 year old this drivel. JMX he may not be really stupid - just emotionally stunted. He somehow came to believe he is worthy of worship simply for being a sperm donor. From the books and his interests you mentioned, he has a world view that is quite chauvinistic and I am sad to say remains predominant among males of our species through out the world.
You are setting a great example to your girls by showing them it is more than OK for a woman to earn a living. If it were me, I would take the girls aside and ask them how their dad's opinions felt to them. Maybe discuss other men in their life (your dad sounds like a nice guy) that are examples of less draconian attitudes.
Your SM is probably not going to change if he truly believes that your only purpose in life is procreation.
What about fun? What about adventure? What about passion? If I had all those things and by chance didn't procreate, I still would think life was worthwhile.
Good luck on your journey JMX.
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Post by wewbwb on May 12, 2016 8:35:22 GMT -5
JMX , I was going to write something here about your husband's mental state, but it would just be the same thing I've written 5 times before. Poor man. I agree - The poor man cannot see what he has and is making zero attempt to hold on to it. It is sad. |
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Easier
May 12, 2016 15:47:35 GMT -5
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Post by 3000more on May 12, 2016 15:47:35 GMT -5
I took a stand today. Mr. Orderly did not clean and put away his griddle or his tuna salad in a bowl. I decided not to dump the tuna on his bad but instead, placed both on top of the bedside table next to his bed. To his credit, I got a "touché" and a chuckle and he cleaned it himself. If you weren't contaminating your own living space, it would be funny to regularly hide this stuff all over the place for him to use his nose to track down his messes. If he gets good enough at it, you can take him to a disaster as a cadaver human. He can have a collar with his name on it!! |
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