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Post by novembercomingfire on Apr 15, 2017 8:22:23 GMT -5
Has anyone here considered surrogate therapy post-sm, as a way to work on intimacy issues? Would you consider it? I don't know if I even remember how intimacy works and i would like to think that maybe i won't have to be alone for the rest of my life, but i'm not sure i can imagine how to make a relationship work due to 25 years of trauma and sexlessness.
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Post by nancyb on Apr 15, 2017 12:52:53 GMT -5
NCF: Do you mean a sexual surrogate? What is surrogate therapy?
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Post by GeekGoddess on Apr 15, 2017 13:03:37 GMT -5
I'm interested too - what is this phrase? I don't know it.
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Post by baza on Apr 15, 2017 18:19:51 GMT -5
I'm assuming you mean a sexual surrogate.
If that's right, then my observations since Feb 2009 in the old EP group, and this group, is that I have not seen anyone who has had a crack at this.
If you decide to, you'll be breaking new ground, and it would be interesting to hear how it goes.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Apr 15, 2017 19:32:52 GMT -5
Wow! Googled it. Seems legit - I never even knew about this, but it's pretty neat actually (and is always conducted under supervision, or rather with advisement of, a licensed therapist).
If you try it, NCF, you've got to promise to report back.
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Post by nancyb on Apr 15, 2017 19:39:09 GMT -5
Fascinating stuff. Perhaps a career change is in my future.  |
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Post by petrushka on Apr 15, 2017 19:44:31 GMT -5
Fascinating stuff. Perhaps a career change is in my future. Wonderful, I applaud you! Seriously though: You realize you'll have to spend some years back at university to be any good at it? It's not just a matter of fucking someone, you need to know how to recognize and deal with their 'issues'. |
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Post by nancyb on Apr 15, 2017 20:09:01 GMT -5
I know...it's still really a great service when you think about it.
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Post by obobfla on Apr 15, 2017 21:13:38 GMT -5
There is a film about a sexual surrogate who helps a man with polio - "The Sessions." Helen Hunt plays the surrogate, and she was nominated for a supporting actress Oscar for her part.
The surrogate works on intimacy issues before working up to actual sex. She gets her client used to touching a woman then works to build up trust. The problem is that there are not a lot of them around. I did a quick google search and found only one who practices in Florida. However, I have been with a Tantrika, someone trained in tantra sex. It was unforgettable!
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 16, 2017 18:10:06 GMT -5
There is a film about a sexual surrogate who helps a man with polio - "The Sessions." Helen Hunt plays the surrogate, and she was nominated for a supporting actress Oscar for her part. The surrogate works on intimacy issues before working up to actual sex. She gets her client used to touching a woman then works to build up trust. The problem is that there are not a lot of them around. I did a quick google search and found only one who practices in Florida. However, I have been with a Tantrika, someone trained in tantra sex. It was unforgettable! I went to see this movie and was pleasantly surprised by how good I found it. Helen Hunt had one hell of an understanding husband. One possible caveat to keep on mind ...when she was riding the guys face she got a little too into it and near suffocated her client. |
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Post by Venus Erotes on Apr 16, 2017 20:07:26 GMT -5
There is a film about a sexual surrogate who helps a man with polio - "The Sessions." Helen Hunt plays the surrogate, and she was nominated for a supporting actress Oscar for her part. The surrogate works on intimacy issues before working up to actual sex. She gets her client used to touching a woman then works to build up trust. The problem is that there are not a lot of them around. I did a quick google search and found only one who practices in Florida. However, I have been with a Tantrika, someone trained in tantra sex. It was unforgettable! Okay, I wanna hear more about this.... :-D |
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Post by Venus Erotes on Apr 16, 2017 20:08:30 GMT -5
There is a film about a sexual surrogate who helps a man with polio - "The Sessions." Helen Hunt plays the surrogate, and she was nominated for a supporting actress Oscar for her part. The surrogate works on intimacy issues before working up to actual sex. She gets her client used to touching a woman then works to build up trust. The problem is that there are not a lot of them around. I did a quick google search and found only one who practices in Florida. However, I have been with a Tantrika, someone trained in tantra sex. It was unforgettable! I went to see this movie and was pleasantly surprised by how good I found it. Helen Hunt had one hell of an understanding husband. One possible caveat to keep on mind ...when she was riding the guys face she got a little too into it and near suffocated her client. BF would say "What a way to go!" |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Apr 16, 2017 21:54:52 GMT -5
I read more about this on the IPSA website (googled it). I'm extremely interested. It may seriously be a certificate I would want to pursue after MSW.
Btw, the organization also offers a "personal enhancement program" for singles or couples. Most programs are offered within California. (There IS a male surrogate located in Boulder, CO & there are some in FL plus many in CA).
I'm surprised I never thought something like this "was real" but I never knew about it as a legit therapy before now.
I think it's an interesting idea. Many surrogates focus on physically disfigured or injured folks but also those who have survived sexual trauma. While that phrase most often refers to issues like rape, abuse, etc - SM is a very special form of sexual trauma in its own right, as well.
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Post by Dan on Apr 17, 2017 16:55:58 GMT -5
I vaguely remember a prior discussion about seeking a sexual surrogate. Here? On EP? Not sure. Not knowing your details, here are my thoughts: I personally am very sympathetic to the gist of your question; I think my hangups about sex have actually INCREASED over the past two years of understanding my SM on EP and here. But I'm in an SM, so I can't tell how much of my issues are related to the SM, how much of them are psychological, how much of them are physical (related to my weight, etc). I've wondered how I'll start to address this stuff once I'm out of my SM. However, I rather suspect that engaging the services of a sexual surrogate is probably not "step one". Here would be my sensibility on this: 1. After your SM, plan to: a) take some time of non-dating, b) seek individual therapy (to deal with any residual grief/anger/resentment issues), c) participate in post-divorce group support groups ( example), d) get physically active (take up an aerobic activity; join a gym; take a dance class; any of your choice) 2. When ready -- whether that is one week or one year -- slip in to the dating pool. You can wade in slowly, or jump in head first. Go at your speed. 3. See how things go. Maybe (with your talk therapy) and finding a nice woman to hang out with, intimacy naturally becomes part of the relationship. If so... you didn't need "surrogate therapy"! 4. If you realize you have intimacy issues that you and your talk therapist can't work through, consider the next step. That might include speaking with a "sex therapist" or someone who can offer surrogate therapy. By that point, you will have "more data" do even discuss with one of those more specialized therapists, and you can probable make better progress than if you started there. What do you think? |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Apr 20, 2017 7:14:18 GMT -5
I agree with that, Dan. I'm out & I find my issues are related to too pushy, too needy, too desperate - trying to "jump steps" to intimacy. I tend to blast with a firehose instead of trickle out love, trust, touch in a way that a well-adjusted person might.
I'm still trying dating- on a break right now. I may not try a new one soon because I've gotten a lot of data to process from the first two (Loverman & New Guy). I'm still learning from both of those, also, as I watch how trying to maintain friendships with these "guys I've had sex with & unbalanced feelings for" plays out in real time.
The friendship stages lately are teaching me at least as much about myself as the sex-phases taught me.
I require a lot of time for reflection on these events so far.
I'm committed to helping myself grow. Right now, that doesn't require another lover or partner or even interesting candidate. I'm growing a lot just with a supportive network of friends (& exes).
I like the described approach.
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