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Post by DryCreek on May 8, 2017 19:29:29 GMT -5
A co-worker of mine got taken back to court to increase his child support payments because the ex wanted a new car (Mercedes). It turned out that his brother pointed out something in the paperwork that the standard paternity test had come back negative on him. He had just not noticed it the first go-around. Turns out that she not only didn't get the Mercedes, but had to pay back 7 years of child support and the judge granted custody to him (which he declined). This is a second-hand story, but from what I understand, there was MUCH screaming involved from ALL parties. Now, that is a delicious story of sweet justice! (And painful lack of attention to detail.) |
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2017 10:52:23 GMT -5
I asked my husband to make an effort to have physical intimacy in February and he agreed but now it's April and we still haven't had sex or even kissed - I try to but he pushes me away. I'm so sad and feel so lonely. I moved to a new city to be with him and don't have any friends. My family haven't been in touch much, I just graduated grad school and no one visited to celebrate or even sent a card. Sorry for whining here, I just feel so sad and alone. I don't know what to do.. I don't want it to be like this but don't know what I can do for it to change The only change you can make is with yourself. Look what you can do if you decide to, highly educated you left home and started a new life away from friends and family, no small achievement. So now it time to do it again. Actively seek a new job back near family and friends. Look into moving back, even at this point it's just plan. Then you can decide to follow through or show your husband you are unwilling to accept this way of life and real changes need to happen. |
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Post by molecularchoas on May 9, 2017 13:50:37 GMT -5
frannyglass,
I am finishing up (finally, god please make it end!) my PhD in physics. Just curious, what did you study in grad school?
Facing same issues down the line as you posted about.. I haven't been able to bring myself to post my story (been lurking since Jan). So I applaud your bravery... but also get the quiet desperation/sadness behind it.
I have never been in a support group type of thing so i'm bit surprised by the succor I get from seeing that other poeple are in similar places - and this isn't craziness in my brain and its real and other people are going through this too. Your situation hit home. Thanks for posting.
Not sure how you see it, but: Finishing up school is more terrifying then I thought it would be - big changes and long standing identity as a student is passing. I am not sure if these changes make the 'intimacy' stuff more hurtful or if the changes caused reflection/questioning that exposed what was there - and maybe that's for the better. but it doesn't feel that way.
You could have been reading my mind when you said "I don't know what to do.. I don't want it to be like this but don't know what I can do for it to change". And even more still when you said " I'm afraid of being on my own and this happening again to me in a new relationship. I'm also afraid I won't meet anyone again. I feel very sad that it's failed but it's been so long of me trying". There's a sense that the sullen anarchy of the sexless sexual relationship will be the new mean that the rest of my life regresses towards. Fighting this is maybe the hardest part of for me.
I also just recently took definite action to end my relationship (thanks to everyone's advice on this board.. it has been fantastic). But it felt like I was walking into a buzz-saw. There were proto-schizophrenic voices as I did it who were yelling things like 'maybe this is all there is and should take what I can' and 'just make your next argument point a little bit more pithy ans she'll come around" and "do more leg exercises.. you've seen her practically go into lordosis staring at studly thighs/calves". Intellectually, I know the die was cast. And the hopes/voices were spasms and illusions... or maybe they were like the end of Terminator 2 where the bad robot plaintively cycles though all the shapes/forms he had mimicked in the hope one might save him from melting. But many parts of me still feel wanting and frightened. Hopefully with time they'll come around too after they have had their say in the grieving.
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Post by doneanddone on May 9, 2017 15:46:41 GMT -5
A co-worker of mine got taken back to court to increase his child support payments because the ex wanted a new car (Mercedes). It turned out that his brother pointed out something in the paperwork that the standard paternity test had come back negative on him. He had just not noticed it the first go-around. Turns out that she not only didn't get the Mercedes, but had to pay back 7 years of child support and the judge granted custody to him (which he declined). This is a second-hand story, but from what I understand, there was MUCH screaming involved from ALL parties. Now, that is a delicious story of sweet justice! (And painful lack of attention to detail.) I'd like to believe the guy got 7 years financially returned to him but i seriously doubt it. The other reason that this sounds skeptical is the whole issue of paternity to begin with. That must be established before any other preceding take place with child support. And it's not uncommon for the payee have his/her child support increased on a routine basis. Many of my guy friends have had to go to court to dispute this. It is a given that the other side receiving the child support will routinely go after an increase based on annual salary, changing jobs, paying off credit cards, paying off cars, paying off house, buying a car, trying to move and buy a house..... For each time the receiving party of child support goes after an increase the payee always disputes it just to hold it up until the judge makes the decision. More than half the time child support goes up regardless of the circumstances. And not uncommon to decline custody based on financial burden + still having to pay child support. |
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