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Post by lyn on Apr 8, 2017 12:25:20 GMT -5
deadzone75First things first, you are not old. Geez, I'm a bit older than you and have come to realize that age is truly irrelevant when it comes to your heart's desire. Just a guess, but, if you decide that it's impossible to grab onto your own life and live it, then, you'll stay put, maybe make it to 55 before imploding in some way. Negative self-talk is enormously detrimental to your precious psyche. If you take a step back, focus on how you want your life to look - this ain't it. A good first step would be to work on that inner dialogue. Maybe with a shrink, maybe on your own but if you can catch yourself when you start thinking negatively about yourself and about your situation (two very different, separate "things"), replace the negative thoughts with positive affirmations ("I'm worthy, I'm good, I'm strong" for example)- it takes a relatively short period of time to retrain your brain - but it can be done. It will happen - takes some work though. Positive self-talk (I.e., improving one's self-image) is crucial to even begin an optimistic thought process about yourself and your life. You can't "get" or ever expect to live the life you want if your subconscious continues to sabotage.
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 8, 2017 13:18:27 GMT -5
That's quite acceptable. I have a dark sense of humor, too. But, seriously...a rodeo clown. After all, I'm in Texas. And if I got gored by a bull, well, no more SM suffering. Where in Texas? Houston here. It's a pretty small state. We might be neighbors! Dallas! |
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 8, 2017 13:22:29 GMT -5
deadzone75 First things first, you are not old. Geez, I'm a bit older than you and have come to realize that age is truly irrelevant when it comes to your heart's desire. Just a guess, but, if you decide that it's impossible to grab onto your own life and live it, then, you'll stay put, maybe make it to 55 before imploding in some way. Negative self-talk is enormously detrimental to your precious psyche. If you take a step back, focus on how you want your life to look - this ain't it. A good first step would be to work on that inner dialogue. Maybe with a shrink, maybe on your own but if you can catch yourself when you start thinking negatively about yourself and about your situation (two very different, separate "things"), replace the negative thoughts with positive affirmations ("I'm worthy, I'm good, I'm strong" for example)- it takes a relatively short period of time to retrain your brain - but it can be done. It will happen - takes some work though. Positive self-talk (I.e., improving one's self-image) is crucial to even begin an optimistic thought process about yourself and your life. You can't "get" or ever expect to live the life you want if your subconscious continues to sabotage. I actually caught myself today thinking negative and stopped myself. I do appreciate yours and all of the posts from the community. I really am not a social person (in other words, I have no friends), so this site really does help. It's unfortunate we are all here, but it's good being around others who get it. |
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Post by ggold on Apr 8, 2017 15:33:23 GMT -5
deadzone75 This all sucks for sure. You are young! Don't give up on yourself. I've been living in a SM for about 11 years now. I'm 48. My sex life went downhill 20 years ago, early on in my marriage. My h and I have lacked intimacy and connection for so, so long. There is nothing left between us. We are coparents and roommates. We are pretty civil to each other but there is constant tension looming overhead. We tried therapy. It was honestly too late. I voiced my needs to him throughout our marriage but I didn't continue to press the issue when he avoided it. I let it go. That was my mistake but I cannot change that now. We are going to divorce and had two mediation sessions. The first was just an info session and the second was about parenting. I am now in a holding pattern. We haven't gone back since Feb. Most likely, we will in May. We spoke about it today. He said he will never accept this but he has no choice. I cannot have rational conversations with a man I have known since I was 21 years old. Many of us here are "older" and we are working towards our happiness. I am. I choose to hold onto hope. It's never too late. Best of luck! G
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2017 19:31:32 GMT -5
DZ
There is a shame that goes along with SM. I was embarrassed and felt like it was a personal reflection on me.
You'll get clarity when you begin to change. Join a meetup group to get out and meet other people. I know you're not social but put yourself out there. You don't have to make friends but get out and talk with other people. Don't tell people about your problems when you meet them. Just go out and start living again.
When I was in the throes of my relationship, I did not want to see anyone. I would sit in my car and feel terrible. I would have to collect myself before going into places. I know how you feel.
I can tell you these feelings will go away when you begin to move forward in a positive direction. Start tomorrow by doing something different. Go join a gym where women workout not just men. Take up a hobby if you do not have one. And if you do have a hobby start devoting more time to it. Look at starting a new job field that you would like to do and start making it happen . You'll feel much better because you're making a change, even a small one. You'll be gaining control over your life and freeing yourself from your wife's hold.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2017 20:53:09 GMT -5
My late MIL found love at the age of 80 with a gentleman who was 93. They made each other happy. My son can vouch for that as he caught them naked on the couch one day. Point is age is a number - not a definition. Good luck to you. OK - I have a new goal now, LOL! |
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Post by doneanddone on Apr 21, 2017 14:31:00 GMT -5
I'm on the same level DZ75. Going and paying for a "professional" to convince my W to want to be intimate and have sex isn't the same as her wanting it for herself or for me for that matter. My issue is I need to get a handle on my performance. I know I come out the gates to fast. It's been so long for me that if put in a situation where I could go ham with a friend with benefits, I'd be so nervous about letting loose to soon that I probably wouldn't get a rematch. I'm more in between the acceptance and anger phases of dealing with my SM. It sucks, it just plan sucks.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2017 15:59:39 GMT -5
Where in Texas? Houston here. It's a pretty small state. We might be neighbors! Dallas! I am about 300 miles west of you. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Apr 21, 2017 17:24:05 GMT -5
Where in Texas? Houston here. It's a pretty small state. We might be neighbors! Dallas! I was born and raised in Dallas! I just returned from a visit to my mother. |
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 22, 2017 11:20:29 GMT -5
I was born and raised in Dallas! I just returned from a visit to my mother. I'm happy to be reunited with Whataburger! They didn't have them in Washington State. |
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 22, 2017 11:25:42 GMT -5
I'm on the same level DZ75. Going and paying for a "professional" to convince my W to want to be intimate and have sex isn't the same as her wanting it for herself or for me for that matter. My issue is I need to get a handle on my performance. I know I come out the gates to fast. It's been so long for me that if put in a situation where I could go ham with a friend with benefits, I'd be so nervous about letting loose to soon that I probably wouldn't get a rematch. I'm more in between the acceptance and anger phases of dealing with my SM. It sucks, it just plan sucks. If you do have to outsource, just explain it's been a very long time. Believe me, if I found myself lucky enough to get laid right now, I'd be fumbling around like I was 15 again, trying to hurry and find my favorite page of the JCPenny lingerie section before I blew it (literally). |
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