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Post by Rhapsodee on Apr 7, 2017 21:13:39 GMT -5
OMG Raven King! Un-freakin'-believable! Casting the blame. The only way I could ever respond to that was to give out a furious yell. No words. Nothing can make you feel more helpless than someone that plays mind games. Grrrrrrrrr.
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Post by RexCorvus on Apr 9, 2017 0:08:40 GMT -5
Thank you all ( deborahmanning , shamwow , jpn , eternaloptimism , dinnaken , baza , iceman , bballgirl , Apocrypha , greatcoastal , Copernicus , lyn , McRoomMate , Rhapsodee) for your tremendous support! The group of people on here are wonderful. It is like going to an AA meeting only here it is a SM meeting. Only WE truly understand us and know when we need a shoulder and when we need a kick. I think its working. I'll keep coming back. RC *** UPDATE *** Today I talked to my son about the journal page. I started by telling him I don't know what exactly was in it because Mrs. Rex wouldn't show it to me and it was written over 20 years ago. I told him I believe that it was a page from a journal I wrote in that I happened to find one day while cleaning. I put it in my car to take to work to destroy it so that it wouldn't be seen by mistake. I never meant for Mrs. Rex to see it. I was 25 years old and angry and was just venting and it was harsh. I told him I am sorry that he and Mrs. Rex saw it. I asked if he had any questions. He had a lot of questions, and wanted to talk about the problems Mrs. Rex and I were having. I was very open with him and told him that this has gone on since before we were married. I told him about my self-esteem/image issues and abandonment issues from my childhood. How I blamed myself for Mrs. Rex and my issues and how I thought if I was just better at this or that, then everything would be better. I told him that I felt guilty for needing physical intimacy to feel loved and tried to suppress my need of it by working and going to college. I told him about how seven years ago I begged on my hands and knees crying to Mrs. Rex asking her to go to counseling with me and that she refused. I was honest and told him that Mrs. Rex and I are just different. That we speak two different love languages. I told him how I was stuck in this perpetual cycle on Maslow's Hierarchy because I could never get past the belonging and love need stage to the esteem stage because of this. My son completely understood and he said that his psychology class had spoken about getting stuck on a lower tier stage on Maslow's Hierarchy and not being able to get past it. He then told me that he has been dealing with the same issues of feeling guilty about needing physical intimacy to feel loved in his relationship with his girlfriend. He had his first sexual experience this past summer with a girl with very bad depression/bi-polar issues. It really messed him up. This girl would constantly put him down and say degrading things about him, but she also was his first sexual partner so he felt connected to her. It really messed up his head and has left him with psychological scars. He thanked me for telling him everything and told me it really helped him understand what he went through with this girl and what he was dealing with in his currently relationship. I told him to never feel guilty for wanting physical intimacy. I stressed that it isn't dirty or a bad thing and that there are women who have the same love language and same need that he and I do. I told him that he shouldn't try to suppress his needs so that he feels loved or he could end up just like me. He thanked me several times again and said it really helped. Then at the end he warmed my heart and said that he felt so much better knowing that he is more like me than he ever knew. We really connected today. I told him to come to me anytime he wanted to ask a question or just talk about it. I am always here for him. Maybe, just maybe I saved him from a future SM himself. Then we went to the mall and picked out his Tux for his upcoming prom. RC |
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Post by McRoomMate on Apr 9, 2017 0:15:30 GMT -5
Thank-you this is helping me too. The big difficulty will by my 13 year old son he will certainly suffer the most (out of our 5 children).
Very impressive your son cites Maslows Hierarchy of Needs - Smart gentlemen he is.
Double sorry to hear of his already disfunctional relationship but he is AWARE of it which is very smart on his part too.
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Post by RexCorvus on Apr 9, 2017 0:20:20 GMT -5
Thank you! It's too bad we aren't in close proximity and not an ocean apart. We could split the cost of that apartment. |
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Post by Copernicus on Apr 9, 2017 1:00:20 GMT -5
Fantastic outcome Rex. So happy you made that bond with your son!!
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Post by dinnaken on Apr 9, 2017 1:48:35 GMT -5
Bravo Rex, well done
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Post by baza on Apr 9, 2017 1:52:34 GMT -5
Now as I think of it, this page of an old journal that came into Mrs Rex's possession has proved to not actually be as irrelevant as it first looked.
Not that Mrs Rex is into doing you any favours, but she sure has done so here, by accident.
This exchange between you and Rex Jnr might not have taken place without the old journal page your missus has.
Appears that far from being something that she could beat you about the head with, it has been a total fizzer as far as a weapon goes, and far from isolating you from your Son, it as actually brought (both of you) to a new level of understanding.
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Post by McRoomMate on Apr 9, 2017 3:28:18 GMT -5
Thank you! It's too bad we aren't in close proximity and not an ocean apart. We could split the cost of that apartment. That would be a good idea. Though I already have a new "Room mate" ; ) |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Apr 9, 2017 5:03:17 GMT -5
RexCorvus this is fantastic. What a brilliant outcome from what the w expected to be her way of turning the kids against you. This has put a big smile on my face x
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Post by seabr33z3 on Apr 9, 2017 7:01:43 GMT -5
sorry mate it didn't go your way and that's precisely it it didn't go your way. Counseling is private and telling your story, your way here to get affirmation isn't cool Why are you here? Serious question? |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Apr 9, 2017 8:28:42 GMT -5
Love this update, brother @rexvorvus. Honesty takes us so far toward healthy!!
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Post by shamwow on Apr 9, 2017 9:06:18 GMT -5
I would say you performed textbook SM jiu jitsu, but honestly, all you did is be a decent father who had a hard conversation with your son.
I'm glad that her attempt to use the kids against you probably backfired. I'm even more happy that the experience let you grow closer to your son.
Well done, sir. Well done!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2017 20:16:23 GMT -5
sorry mate it didn't go your way and that's precisely it it didn't go your way. Counseling is private and telling your story, your way here to get affirmation isn't cool Why are you here? Serious question? I have been here in this situation a long time and seen many comments like yours . Many just offer sympathy and move on the next story I have developed a cynical streak reading many stories and sometime I disagree but if you come back at me and debate/disagree I really do like that as it makes me contemplate my own situation. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2017 20:41:24 GMT -5
Wow - so many things going on here. Good on you for surviving the last few days.
Mrs. Rex did something underhanded and rotten, IMHO, saving that written item for who-knows-how-long, until a good time came to use it. That kind of forethought and planning should put the lie to her victim act.
And I'm blown away by the conversation you had with your son. So many people never have a time of such honesty and closeness between a parent and child.
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Post by Venus Erotes on Apr 9, 2017 20:44:58 GMT -5
Thank you all ( deborahmanning , shamwow , jpn , eternaloptimism , dinnaken , baza , iceman , bballgirl , Apocrypha , greatcoastal , Copernicus , lyn , McRoomMate , Rhapsodee ) for your tremendous support! The group of people on here are wonderful. It is like going to an AA meeting only here it is a SM meeting. Only WE truly understand us and know when we need a shoulder and when we need a kick. I think its working. I'll keep coming back. RC *** UPDATE *** Today I talked to my son about the journal page. I started by telling him I don't know what exactly was in it because Mrs. Rex wouldn't show it to me and it was written over 20 years ago. I told him I believe that it was a page from a journal I wrote in that I happened to find one day while cleaning. I put it in my car to take to work to destroy it so that it wouldn't be seen by mistake. I never meant for Mrs. Rex to see it. I was 25 years old and angry and was just venting and it was harsh. I told him I am sorry that he and Mrs. Rex saw it. I asked if he had any questions. He had a lot of questions, and wanted to talk about the problems Mrs. Rex and I were having. I was very open with him and told him that this has gone on since before we were married. I told him about my self-esteem/image issues and abandonment issues from my childhood. How I blamed myself for Mrs. Rex and my issues and how I thought if I was just better at this or that, then everything would be better. I told him that I felt guilty for needing physical intimacy to feel loved and tried to suppress my need of it by working and going to college. I told him about how seven years ago I begged on my hands and knees crying to Mrs. Rex asking her to go to counseling with me and that she refused. I was honest and told him that Mrs. Rex and I are just different. That we speak two different love languages. I told him how I was stuck in this perpetual cycle on Maslow's Hierarchy because I could never get past the belonging and love need stage to the esteem stage because of this. My son completely understood and he said that his psychology class had spoken about getting stuck on a lower tier stage on Maslow's Hierarchy and not being able to get past it. He then told me that he has been dealing with the same issues of feeling guilty about needing physical intimacy to feel loved in his relationship with his girlfriend. He had his first sexual experience this past summer with a girl with very bad depression/bi-polar issues. It really messed him up. This girl would constantly put him down and say degrading things about him, but she also was his first sexual partner so he felt connected to her. It really messed up his head and has left him with psychological scars. He thanked me for telling him everything and told me it really helped him understand what he went through with this girl and what he was dealing with in his currently relationship. I told him to never feel guilty for wanting physical intimacy. I stressed that it isn't dirty or a bad thing and that there are women who have the same love language and same need that he and I do. I told him that he shouldn't try to suppress his needs so that he feels loved or he could end up just like me. He thanked me several times again and said it really helped. Then at the end he warmed my heart and said that he felt so much better knowing that he is more like me than he ever knew. We really connected today. I told him to come to me anytime he wanted to ask a question or just talk about it. I am always here for him. Maybe, just maybe I saved him from a future SM himself. Then we went to the mall and picked out his Tux for his upcoming prom. RC BEST UPDATE EVER!!!!!!! Love how you were able to bond with your son. I hope your frank discussion will go just as well with your daughter, although I fear she's been taught your wife's version of sex. Fuck I hope not. (((HUGS))) |
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