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Post by novembercomingfire on Apr 8, 2017 9:27:24 GMT -5
I will be driving and see a nice apartment complex and wonder how much the rent is. I'll read about a town and wonder about the life in that town. Could I find a nice place to live there? In my musings I'm always living alone. I periodically look around my house and think, he can take his ugly teak table, I'll take the kitchen table. He can take the couch and chair. I will take the tables, etc. in these musings, I have no visible means of support. So yes, I guess that I am divorced in my heart. This has helped me to release my resentment and anger. It's also made it easier for me to live in the situation. I caught myself looking at apartments online the other day, without even thinking about it. In my dreams, I am free. And alone. These dreams still cause me a fair amount of guilt. I am trying to work through this now. But like you, in my musings I am always living alone. Meditating and trying to find what I can't have right now. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 8, 2017 11:21:22 GMT -5
When you drive past hotels and think," someone is here on business, someone is here visiting a relative, I bet there is someone here who would enjoy someone like me, even if it's for one night!" When you have to sell your self short. To even be-little yourself to a one night stand, just to finally feel the least bit desired, needed and wanted.
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Post by Copernicus on Apr 8, 2017 12:11:05 GMT -5
When you drive past hotels and think," someone is here on business, someone is here visiting a relative, I bet there is someone here who would enjoy someone like me, even if it's for one night!" When you have to sell your self short. To even be-little yourself to a one night stand, just to finally feel the least bit desired, needed and wanted. I 'liked' this post because as I read it I could hear the longing for relationship, which is maybe what most of us crave for. I can never get my head around the fact that in all previous discussions with my SO, she regularly voices things like "It's always about sex..... You just want to get your rocks off...." (how many of us have heard that one?) - she always bases the discussion on the sexual act itself while I'm trying to talk about a sexual relationship. Ok, sometimes, it is about the lust and desire and the most primitive emotions and you 'just got to get your rocks off', but even that is part of a normal sexual RELATIONSHIP. It drives me crazy! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 8, 2017 12:23:34 GMT -5
When you drive past hotels and think," someone is here on business, someone is here visiting a relative, I bet there is someone here who would enjoy someone like me, even if it's for one night!" When you have to sell your self short. To even be-little yourself to a one night stand, just to finally feel the least bit desired, needed and wanted. I 'liked' this post because as I read it I could hear the longing for relationship, which is maybe what most of us crave for. I can never get my head around the fact that in all previous discussions with my SO, she regularly voices things like "It's always about sex..... You just want to get your rocks off...." (how many of us have heard that one?) - she always bases the discussion on the sexual act itself while I'm trying to talk about a sexual relationship. Ok, sometimes, it is about the lust and desire and the most primitive emotions and you 'just got to get your rocks off', but even that is part of a normal sexual RELATIONSHIP. It drives me crazy! Yup...and just having sex or getting your rocks off, isn't like just picking the closest can off the grocery store shelf and putting it in the cart. It's about complimenting that person by telling them I want to share myself with you. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. How they can turn that into an insult ,is just so, so wrong, and so devastating. The realization that "I am dealing with a 'selfish crazy", look what it's done to me! is the time to start looking in the mirror and asking yourself, "why do I put up with this?" "I am going to start getting help, and start helping myself!" |
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